The not happy thread

Try not eating much when you're depressed, then, when you're maniac, eating the whole house.

 

It just sucks, cuz everyone wants to offer their opinion and tell me how important this is. But no one seems to be saying "Ah, don't worry about it. You'll figure it out and life will be okay." Sigh.

 

Okay, then: "Don't worry about it. You'll figure it out and life will be okay."
Hope things go better!

 

I give up.

I didn't know our friendship had terms.

I didn't know there would be double standards.

But I suppose it doesn't matter to you, huh?

 

I'm stressed at the moment as my father had a back op 20 years ago after breaking a disk in his back and it is now playing up. He can't move due to pain and is so drugged up it looks like he is high as a kite. Dan and I are now having to help care for him and my mother for a while and have to do most of their housework for them. It's hard seeing him like this all over again.

 

Im not happy.

Because, when I'm happy, I am completely unispired.

so, I am unhappy for the sake of art.

Honesty is strange, no?

 

Em, That's why a lot of people just go into college for general classes for the first few years, then decide what they really want to focus on for their Masters or PHD. A B.A isn't much these days. I know some people with B.A's stuck working in retail, because their degree really doesn't mean a hill of beans.

In all honesty all other people can go F*** themselves. The only opinion that matters is your own. If you know what your goals are, you don't have to share them with anyone. ANd no single test determines what you will make of your life.

School in the end is nothing more than a bunch of BS. You learn a lot of crap that you aren't ever going to use in whatever chosen field you decide to go into. College is a joke. Professors think they are are gods. And in the end only specialized fields are worth anything.

You'll get through this part of your life. And everything will eventually work out...that's just the cosmic order of things. When I'm faced with a situation that seems impossible to deal with, I take a step back and realized that this is just one more test of my fortutide. If I can make it through this problem, I can make it through the next one, and with each passing problem I am stronger. For me that's the best way to look at things, otherwise I might be a mass murderer and go postal on some people.

If you get the feeling that people are expecting something from you, tell them to go F off (in your own head of course) and then just smile and nod at them when they ask you questions. Be vague. That's probably one of the best lessons I learned when dealing with people who seem to have expectations. You don't have to share jack with anyone. It's your life. Not theirs.

 

Man, that really stinks for your girlfriend and, by extension, you. I'm sorry that happened!

Ouch. Poor Mina!

Don't stress about it, Em. I think lots of people in their last couple years of high school and in college try to act like they have everything all figured out, but in all honesty, most of them don't have a clue. I know I didn't back when I was in high school. You'll figure things out.

I'm sorry to hear this, Tor. I hope that your dad's back starts feeling better soon!

I'm not happy because I have a BA, and I work in retail.

Just kidding. I'm not stuck there, I chose to work retail after I graduated. I likes it.

 

I know what degree I want. B.A. of effective poverty solutions.


Now...I just have to find a school with such a program...

 

^ How about Economics? or Events management as a degree?

I think those would be useful for the task you're aiming for, Em. You should have a look through some prospectuses for courses involving your interests - you'd be suprised what they have on offer!

 

I want to go home, I sick of being away from my Jenny.

 

Maybe become a high school teacher in a poverty-stricken area.

 

My mother and I had an argument. By argument I mean she shouted at me, while I just blinked back at her.

Apparently because I don't want to shout at her, and throw things, and make her cry like my brother used to means I'm just like my father.

Point of clarification, mummy - I'm not selfish. I have never abandoned you. I have never beaten you. I have never thrown a punch except in self defence. I have never cheated on any of my girlfriends. I don't do drugs. I'm a not a violent drunk. I work hard at school.

Yes, like my father, when there is an argument I grit my teeth and I shut up. But I do it because I'm trying not to cry.

**** you, mum, **** you. I'm not like him, and I'm not like you. I'm my own person.

She's known me for sixteen years, I'd of thought she'd have figured that out by now!

I'm so angry and upset it's making me feel physically sick.

 

I hope you get to go home soon, Steve.

 

I'm so exhausted. And anxious.
And my Dad is being a pussy-footing dick to myself and my brother. He said he'd come round today to drop off christmas presents, but he never showed up. We called him several times but he left his mobile at his parents house. My poor brother, he looked so hurt when he eventually rang at 5 in the afternoon to tell him that he 'ran out of time' and wasn't coming over afterall.

 

Zoe, I'm so sorry for you. Everything seems to be crashing on you at once. My heart hopes you're okay, but my brain knows I dont need to be because you are a very strong person. I just want to give you the biggest hug of all hugs; unfortunately, my arms dont quite stretch far enough.
If there's anything you need that I can do for you, I'm listening.

xx

My complaint seems petty in comparison, but I'm getting extremely nervous over all this college stuff. I'm applying for housing tomorrow, but I'm scared that I'm too late in the game to get anywhere that isnt a party dorm (IE McSlut and Briscoe Disco), and mostly, I'm just scared in general. And irritated because I never got my housing information like everyone else did...
It's giving me a stomachache.

Also, there is something going on with my best friend that she is not telling me. I do not live near her anymore, so I dont hear all this gossip through the grapevine, and I dont have this face-to-face convenience anymore, and I'm just worried for her, but since she wont tell me anything, I dont know why.

 

I'm so sorry. I hope you and your mom had a chance to talk. Or, if not, that you're at least feeling better now.

That's terrible, Zoe! Your poor brother.

Yikes! I hope you get your housing stuff worked out. And that everything is ok with your friend!

 

Thanks Merc and Hidden. Apparently he's coming over in the evening to drop off the presents, I just hope he shows up this time.

And Merc, I hope your housing sorts out and you get an appropriate dorm. You really do deserve to be somewhere that allows you to concentrate, and function with a certain degree of normalcy.

 

I hope he shows, too. I don't understand how people can do that to children, especially their own.

 

Today I'm not happy because my doctor told me he didn't feel "comfortable" perscribing me any more medicine since the previous medicines he has given me didn't work. Thus, I must see a psychatrist. Until then, guess what? I'm back to functioning on no medicine, with school starting up. Guess it's back to self-medicating with caffinne again, which ticks my parents off, but they don't understand that somedays it's the only way to drag myself out of bed and other days it's the only way to calm down from my mainac high.

Oh, yeah, and I'm angry that my mother rarley listens to me when I talk about being bipolar. Apperently I talk about it "too much." Apperently I talk "too much" and my brother never talks at all. GREAT.

 

My dogs are at my uncle's. My furniture (other than bedroom and office) is in the garage. My appliances are in the garage. My floors are being torn up as we speak. I know this is all for good reason (new floors!), but I am feeling very unsettled. Not to mention that my sister-in-law's ex-con boyfriend is doing the demo. I left for work this morning leaving him unsupervised in my house. I trust that he won't steal anything. But I am afraid he is going to break something. HE has a history of not thinking thngs out fully before acting. I can't wait to get my house back.

 

Write - I looked at your Blog - and my heart goes out to you - but I must admit I don't really know exactly what you are going through. My 20 year son suffers from depression and is in what is called, "intensive outpatient" program. He was going every day - now just three days a week for a half a day. Had to drop out of college - grades were terrible - but I think he is getting better. And you will too - hang in there - and since you do not demonize your family in your blog - I'm going to assume they are a decent bunch - use them for support - talk to them. I now since our son has opened up and just plain TALKED about things he seems on the mend. The medicine still doesn't seem exactly "right" but the behavior therapy (or whatever it's called) is doing a lot of good. Keep the faith.

 

My aunt's funeral is tomorrow.

Also, my grandmother was in town for Christmas, and it's been just miserable. Partly because of Nancy's death and partly because of another member of our family. She hasnt even spoken to our grandmother, claiming she's been ill. Yeah, hangovers do **** you up, dont they hun?
Grandma was over at our house today and was crying over it.

What a crap year this has been. I put so much effort into everything I do, and I'm a firm believer in the idea that if you work hard, you'll benefit. But I swear, if things dont improve for me next year, I dont know what I'll do.

 

I'm so sorry, Merc. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm around! I hope you and your family are doing ok.

 

Haha. Thanks. I love my family, they just overwhelm me at times, especially since I feel as though I parent both my parents and my older brother! But I'm not exactly what you'd call an easy child to deal with, either. Life has its issues, but I'm sure it will work out. In the mean time, there's caffineeeee.

Edit: And I try to talk to them. But they don't exactly like hearing about how I've got problems.