The not happy thread

I think Dave's counseling suggestion is a good idea. Perhaps your pastor can help with that if you don't have the money to pay for someone who specializes in marriage counseling. (Unless he also does, then that's a win/win)

In any case it might just come down to "It's my life dream to have a child. If you won't give me one I'll have to find someone who can. It's the last thing I want to resort to, but I will make that decision if you are too stubborn to see the joy that a child would bring to me, my family, and, likely, to you as well."

I'm so sorry you're going through this, 'Mina.

 

Ultimatums are not a good choice, in my opinion. As soon as you draw a line in the sand, the other person is forced to either cross the line or fortify their position. Ultimatums end discussion.

 

Thanks Rob. He will NOT talk to the pastor. He is hardcore atheist. As for marriage counseling, he has refused before.

 

That's unfortunate. Marriage counseling doesn't necessarily have to have anything to do with God- whether it comes from a pastor or not.

The pastor suggestion was really more on the budget side of things, anyway.

 

Some people should not have children. Kids demand time, money and surrender of a certain amount of personal freedom. They need unselfish parents. Maybe you should stop pressuring him about it...that's a good way to keep him on the uptight defensive.

 

I actually hadn't brought it up on 3 months...he said to wait till he got off his 3 months probation at his new job...I waited...I am trying not to pressure...but when circumstances change..I do like to revisit the issue...

 

I can understand Steve's reluctance with regards to a pastor. I'm a devout atheist myself, and Nancy was a Methodist. Nor would I have chosen a marriage counsellor without a VERY compelling reason.

One night, she told me straight out that our marriage was in trouble. She admitted to an affair. The next day, I went in to work and called the Employee Assistance Program hotline. The person I spoke with suggested a therapist who does marriage counslling, and helped us set up an appointment that week.

After the first couple sessions, the therapist set us up with separate sessions, and we attended them for close to tree years.

That marriage was not salvageable, but it was not for lack of trying. Despite that, we both learned a lot from the sessions.

So I'm not going to spread sunshine and say that counselling will fix everything. It's not magic. But it may be your best shot, if there is a way to work things out.

 

Mixing of religious beliefs (or lack there of depending) never seems to go well. . . But as far as Carmina is concerned. . . You know your meant to be a mother, and I think you deserve to be a mother; you find a way to be what you know you need to be. Whatever that might mean you have to do. Babies deserve good moms.

 

I'm Catholic and my girlfriend (been together about 2 years now) is a devout Presbyterian. She wants to become a minister. We have very few problems, besides the few jibes we aim each others' way.

However, I can see how some people could get a bit touchy on the subject.

 

Especially when there are kids, and a difference of opinion about how they are to be raised from the standpoint of religion.

A concrete example: I wanted to expose them to a wide range of beliefs, so they could make a reasoned choice once they were old enough. She believed they had to be taught to believe in God and the Scriptures, or their souls would end up in Hell.

 

Thats nice, but in all fairness Those beliefs have a hell of a lot in common, Christianity of any kind and atheism doesn't mix quite the same.

 

You'd be surprised at the differences between our religions. I mean, it's not like major wars have been fought over them in the past or anything

I disagree with your second point anyways. Atheism does not mean someone has to HATE religion with all the passionate fury of a thousand adolescent goths, it just means they don't believe in it. I don't believe in Islam, yet I have no problem visiting the mosque with my Muslim friend and speaking to anyone there. As long as they wished to speak to me that is.

I am not everyone however, so people will be as they are.

EDIT:

Cogito's point I do agree with however. Personally, I could care less whether my children are raised Catholic or not. They are children, not robots that I can enforce my beliefs upon. But, like I've said, people's opinions differ. Kids being raised religious or not is not a concern of mine, but to many it is of definite concern.

 

Lol, those wars had very little to do with actual religion.

I didn't say anything about HATE, I just said it is harder for religious and non-religious people to work things out then people of just different yet related religions. Thats all.

 

I won't blab on and on about my opinions on things such as the French Wars of Religion or the ongoing conflict in Northern Ireland, so I'm contewnt to leave that as it lies.

And I still disagree on your second point. I think, however, that I am detracting from the thread. If you want to, we can contine this discussion through PMs.

I doubt anyone cares much about it though

 

This really isn't the place for religious discussion.

 

My complaint is nothing, but being at an internet cafe surfing the net with dial up speeds is not my cup of tea, but i'm stuck with it for the day it would seem.

 

Time for an (ahem) real complaint.

Boxing was canceled due to excessive snow. I now have nothing to do but surf the internet and read. Humbug.

 

Normally I'd be all about continuing this but lately my mind hasn't been sharp enough to verbally kick someones teeth in with knowlege and facts and such. I think I'll pass. I'm sure I'll find something else to disagree with you on though, I'm quite good at clashing with people.

Pertaining to the thread though; I think Carmina needs to keep this between herself and her man. I think things will work out, if they fight for it.

 

Yes, because I certainly lack knowledge and facts. My teeth would be busy getting punched in at boxing, yet sadly I'm stuck here on the internet. Woe is me.

 

Mina, first of all, I am so sorry that you're upset at work about this. You must feel awful.
Pardon me, but I'm not gonna act like Steve's poor excuses are at all agreeable or fair. I think he needs to f/cking sort himself out; this kind of treatment is pathetic.

I just want to say one thing, though. This is your life. Marriage doesn't mean that you should split yourself in two pieces - the idea is you share your lives and make compromises. What he's doing is by no means fair, it's sly and decietful, not to mention cowardly.

I know i'm not married and you may well roll your eyes at my post, because I couldn't possibly understand it the way you do.

But my friend and I were talking about her and her boyfriend, and she's feeling trapped because he never wants to move away from home and she does. He's holding her back.

Just keep in mind that you've got to do whatever it takes to fulfill your life. Don't ever let someone drag you down. You want to be a mum one day? Make sure it happens. If he won't be a part of that, then I guess that's a bridge you'd have to cross. You can't let such a precious thing like having a child fall away from you for the sake of someone else, Mina.

However, I hope it really does turn around. I just couldn't stand to see a lovely, kind hearted woman like you be crushed because of some idiotic cowardice on his part. It just wouldn't be right.

Best wishes x

 

Well aren't you spiffy.

my unhappy for the day is that the guy who brutally murdered (like, bashed them to pieces till they were unrecognizable) four people I knew is pleading insanity, so he probably won't get what he deserves.

EDIT: note, the spiffy comment was directed at my friend mister Sab up there. sorry x:

 

IN THE RED CORNER!

IN THE BLUE CORNER!

Sorry, couldn't help myself. Take a chill pill, dude and dude-ette.

 

I think that made me laugh more than I have all day. Good job, sir.

 

Seems to be some last word business going on her here.

 

LOL! Nice one.