The not happy thread

I've lived this topic for many years.

My wife of 37 years...or is it 38 now...never can remember...she's a devout Christian, almost evangelical...some kind of Baptist. I don't believe in God and I see all religions as numbing cults, or as Marx put it, "opiate of the masses." That said, a lot of good has come out of religion. Our US Constitution is loaded with Christian-inspired concepts, good values that I have no trouble supporting. For example, "Thou shalt not kill"...or covet thy neighbor's wife, or lie, or steal, or eat food cooked in saturated fats...wait, how'd that one get in there? Those are great values for any society. I even support prayer in public schools, so long as it is presented as a moment of silence for "personal prayer or meditation". Let the kids decide how to use the minute for reflection.

Our only problem...we disagree on money. Like all churches, they suck greenbacks out of their "flock"...it's religion, as a business. Turns my stomach. So, we agreed to separate finances. Not a dime of my money goes to the cult (Baptist) and I don't care what she does with her money. In recent years, we've also agreed to not discuss religion. I don't need "saving" because I already have full membership in a vast universe that suits me just fine. I let her know that if living with a heathen becomes a problem for her, I will not contest a divorce. Yes, I do love her, but I will never accept her religious views.

She was troubled by our differing views so she asked her minister about it. He calls our marriage a "plural marriage"...LOL Said it is okay (I suspect as long as her tithes are paid) and she should participate in the church. "Who knows," he said. "If you walk the path of Christ, maybe someday God will touch your husband's heart." I told her it would give me heartburn and I pointed to the container of Tums...I replied, "Got it covered!"


Sorry, Banzai...I posted this before I saw your admonition about religious content. I'll erase it if you want...NaCl

 

I love that. I'm a 'christian' in the loosest sense of the word and I'm glad that you and your wife make that work, but I know so many people in the same situation that can't. Thats my only point.

 

Actually, the insanity defense works in less than 2% of cases where it is claimed, and even then, it isn't a escape from punishment. Most people whoa re found to be insane spend longer institutionalized than they would've spent in prison, and in many cases in worse conditions. It's certainly not like in the movies where insanity is like a get out of jail free card...

 

Yeah thats good to know. Except the thought of him being alive makes me ill and pissed. And I'm already Ill and pissed most of the time as it is =/

He destroyed two young girls, one of the girls mother and father and tried to lure two other people into one of his little traps. He screwed with my home town ya know? Im angry.

 

I am so frustrated. I feel like I've worked my WHOLE LIFE for nothing. I've always been in advanced classes, even in elementary school, and last week, the TN state school board announced that they decided to make the Advanced and Standard programs EQUAL. So, essentially, I've done thousands of hours of extra work just for someone else who slid by in school taking easy classes and getting easy grades to get a better GPA than me because I did the real work.

Thank you, school board, for effectively convincing me to stop trying.

 

Em, don't work hard for the grade. Do it for the knowledge, and the accomplishment.
YOU know what you have accomplished.

 

but I lose standing with colleges, particularly out of state ones, because my GPA was shifted and I lose the opportunity for a lot of scholarships to pay for college. It's just so frustrating.

 

I'm having a really, really difficult time biting my tongue at the moment. But why should I? No one else ever does. Why should I tiptoe on eggshells to accomdate for others? When will anyone ever accomodate for me?

But I guess no one ever told them. You shouldnt throw rocks if you live in fragile fairy tales.

I hate everyone. You, them, me, just everyone.

 

Poor Merc. I'm so sorry you've got all of this to deal with! I hope you find something that will help with your migraines and the earache. And I'm really sorry about what happened in your class. Is there anyone you can talk to about it?

I'm really sorry that you're in this position, Mina. Does he know what a serious issue this is? Because if he does and he still won't talk to a marriage counselor, I hate to say it, but that says something about his commitment to you and your happiness as a couple...

I hope you guys get things worked out.

Wow, that's bogus, Em. I'm sorry! What a crappy thing to do to all the students who worked so hard to set themselves apart.

*hugs*

 

That's unbelievable. I can't imagine how aggravating that must be for you. Isn't there some way colleges will be able to recognize the advanced classes you took?

Just got off work, made no $, got rained on.

 

The fact that you seem to have the financial security and emotional support in place, it does not bode well that your husband is reluctant to have children. If I were you, I would be thinking about the next logical step too. You want to fill your nest egg.

In my group of friends (in our late twenties) it is fairly unanimous that once all these things are in place (good job, settled relationship, nice home) we would have children. Of course this isn't working out for around half of us whether it be not having met the right man or not being financially secure.

It seems like you are having a battle for something that is extremely dear to you and, I hate to say it, can be relatively easy for others. I know of a few men who are delighted by the idea of children and often talk about 'when I have kids.' My boyfriend is NOT one of them. We have been together for five years and at the beginning of the relationship (first 2 years) we were both very comfortable with the idea of not having children. Having reached 27 this is changing for me. I am aware of the biological clock and 'timing.' I feel like I could be a good mother but I also can't describe why I want children - I think it's quite instinctive when you hit a certain age.

I have been challenging his views about children and over time he seems much more open to the idea. He has realised he's no spring chicken and all of his bachelor type hobbies, drinking, sports, won't sustain his interest forever. I have also moved away from student style living/cavorting (mostly!)

One of the things that prompted his change of heart was a heavy conversation we had about 6 months ago where I let him know that if he doesn't want children with me, I would find someone else who would. I'm not sure with how much conviction I actually felt about this because we love each other but it seemed to do the trick.

Lo and behold he has had a change of heart. I think the way he expressed his wish not to have children was more to do with selfishness and sustaining his boyish way of life than a desire never to have children. He has said he wants to be more financially secure before we start seriously thinking about marriage/children and I agree so at least we're on the same page now.

So, I was thinking you maybe need to give him an ultimatum even if the idea seems horrifying. You deserve an explanation as to why he's digging in his heels. The fact that it 'terrifies' you that you may not have a child shows how very important it is to you. You would no doubt be happier as a single mother than living in a soul less marriage where you don't want the same things.

I think marriage means committing to the same live events and if I married a man who didn't want kids, unless I expressly consented beforehand, I would feel very very short changed. It sounds like he may be having problems, whether with your relationship or something else in his life? You need to be in a happy place to try for children and maybe he isn't?

All the best with this. I would be interested to hear how you get on.

 

I'm about to loose a great friend. Or at least I'm afraid I will.

Basically, I have two friends and they got into an argument. The argument got bad and in an effort to mediate things, I tried to join both of their opinions into my own, but I'm worried the other friend thinks I've gone against him. I want to save my friend and mediate the matter because I feel I've gotten sucked into the argument, yet what if I'm sticking myself in something that's to none of my concern?

 

Tell them both what you tried to do, then remove yourself from the argument.

 

Will do. Thanks, Lavarian.

 

When it rains it pours. I was feeling off all day yesterday. I thought it was just depression over my issues with Steve about the baby. By mid-afternoon...I knew it was more. I began to suspect I was getting another UTI (4th one in the last year). By the time I got to rehearsal I was pissing pink (meaning blood) and peeing every 10-15 minutes. This was a problem in that the drive to get to and from rehearsal is a half hour. After my third emergency run to the bathroom, I told the director I was sick and needed to go home. I got halfway to the freeway before I needed to stop at a gas station and use their bathroom. I seriously thought I was going to pee my pants. I sped the entire way home and barely made it. I kept waking up last night to use the bathroom..so I exhausted today. This morning when I got to work I tried to call the local clinic to see if I could get an appointment with my doctor. She has apparently left to go work at UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento. I have never been there before and it would take 40 minutes just to get there. So I asked if I could just come into the walk-in clinic after work. The lady said that because my doctor moved, my HMO followed and if I came in to the walk-in, I would have to pay because my insurance wouldn't cover it. So I called my insurance provider...they didn't have operators until 9:00. SO I went on their website and tried to change my physician there. It couldn't find a doctor that met my search criteria which was just a doctor in a 15 mile radius. So the sire wasn't working. I called the insurance company at 9. After a series of being transferred and put on hold..they got me switched to a doctor at the local clinic...effective the first of the month...MONDAY. I am pissing blood TODAY. So I had to explain that to the lady on the phone. She pulled some strings and got me assigned ot this new doctor retroactively from January first...but there is no guarantee that the clinic will believe that...so I have to give them a number to call to make sure I don't get billed a couple hundred bucks I don't have to go to the doctor and get some antibiotics. UGH. This sucks.

 

Any idea what the problem is, 'Mina, or have you gone to the new doctor yet?

I sure hope you're alright.

 

Pity you couldn't get a doctor to give you a home visit. It sounds like you were in no shape to be running around.

I was once so ill I demanded a home visit, and got it. He even brought medication!

 

Pity I can't take the day off sick from work.

 

Oh my god, Mina! Have you been able to go in and get medication yet? And is there any way for the doctor to find something that might help prevent the UTIs? If you're not already, I would recommend taking cranberry pills daily. I get frequent UTIs also, and that's helped at least cut down on how often I get them.

I'm sorry all this is happening at once. Poor Mina.

 

Carmina - call your company's broker and tell him/her of your problem and dissatisfaction with the HMO response. He/she may be able to rattle some cages to get you seen right away. We do this frequently in my brokerage company for the employees of our clients. Unhappy employees usually lead to unhappy business managers...and new brokers! Consequently, most brokers are happy to help.

 

Yeah..it sucks...but this is the only healthcare I could get. It is what is provided through my employer. I was rejected for every individual plan I tried for. Preexisting conditions.

 

Even if it means paying just the once, I'd say you needed to see a doctor pdq--can't you go to A&E or a walk-in clinic? If you want children one day you should always take these kind of infections seriously. Get well soon!

 

True, except that $200 is chickenfeed. Most things are way more than that. A regular doctors visit is less, but that's about it.

Hospital visits are generally five-figures!

But to Mina...

My heart goes out to you. I can tell you, I've had my own horror stories about healthcare and HMOs.

Remember, your health is the most important thing. Don't try to just live with it. Make sure you get whatever medications and treatments you need. Rattle whatever cages you have to.

Then, when you have the strength, you might want to write a local newspaper...and your congressmen and state's Senators...about your experience.

Charlie

 

Mina's problem has nothing to do with national healthcare. Usually, HMOs provide the most coverage, at the lowest cost, using a cost-containment mechanism called capitation. She fell out of the system when her doctor moved. It should have been simple to get her transferred to another doctor, and if her condition is deemed to be medically urgent, then her HMO can, and should, approve her to go to a nearest urgent care facility for immediate relief.

 

For ****'s sake, this entire conversation is what's pissing me off.

Can we please keep politics and religion out of at least one thread? How many threads have been closed this week? Gosh, it's getting irritating. If you're really set on spouting your ideological doctrines, that's why blogs are a part of this forum. Go crazy.
These fights typically result to nothing more than name-calling and vicious verbal attacks from the safety of backlit shields. And in the end, it's not what the subjects are originally about.
Neither universal health care nor the insurance business the US currently runs on are inherently evil. Neither work all the time, and they both have a lot of shortcomings. Can we move on now?

Carmina's biggest problem at the moment is not the quality of her health care. It's her poor urinary system and its unfortunate susceptibility to infections and diseases. It's actually terribly rude of people to seem to care more about their own political beliefs, all the while poorly attempting to try to veil them under Mina's problem. If you need a reality check as to what her problem actually is about, I've kindly provided a link.

Mina, I hope you feel better. I dont know anything about UTIs or pissing pink, but it sounds terribly painful, and the constant urination sounds really scary. I hope, whenever your appointment ends up happening, that it's easily remidied. In the meantime, I hope the pain subsides.
I did preliminary google research... Heather mentioned cranberry juice, but apparently adding baking soda to water might help too. Good luck.