The not happy thread

Oh my god, Mina! Do I need to get some of my ruffian friends together and pay a visit to California? I definitely echo the suggestion to turn him in for assault. I highly doubt you're the first person he's done. That to, and he can't just keep getting away with it.

 

Mina, file charges on him as soon as possible. Put that bastard behind bars before he pulls this with even more women.

 

Of course she should go to the police!

I'm just saying she should look for other women as well.

 

File charges immediately! What a disgusting, perverted excuse for a man (note: using 'man' in a very loose sense, in reality he's more of a dog in heat).

 

That's horrible 'mina!! I side with everyone else, file charges immediately! There is not way in hell that he should be able get away with this, with you or other women.

 

It's easy enough for us to say but I bet it's way harder for her. She doesn't want to let everyone down and ruin her play. It's defiantly an awkward situation. I agree that something should be done. What a ________ man (insert anything vile). Does a forced kiss constitute sexual assault though? I always thought sexual assault meant rape.

 

Nope, sexual assault is any unwanted groping/kissing, statutory rape, attempted rape, or even peeping.

Carmina, I don't know your situation, but do you have any where else to go? Any other options? You should get away from this pervert.

 

I'm not sure what criminal charges you all think can be brought against an incident like this, unless other women come forward. What proof/witnesses do you have to show an actual assault took place?

Carmina unfortunately went willingly (and of course innocently) with him, alone, to a back room (and other people may have seen her go off with him and misconstrued). The man touched her, but she didn't show any outrage and leave immediately. He kissed her, but she continued to hang around, even while he was busy with the toolbox (I can completely understand that she was in shock, and froze--so would many women act like this--but did the man? Remember, he probably thinks he's God's gift). He then kissed her again, and after that he let her leave. If he'd really tried to prevent her, he could most likely have stopped her going.

I know that this may seem harsh. Please believe me, my sympathy is entirely with Carmina. I can think of many occasions when I was younger where I unthinkingly put myself in danger like this, and I was fortunate to escape unscathed. It must have been a really horrible experience for you, Carmina.

But girls--I know in Western society women tend to think they are safe, and I am certainly not a man-hater or anything, but it is my firm belief that it is better not to trust men you don't know well. I don't think this man, or this scenario, is very unusual, in any country or culture. You should always make sure you are in earshot of other people who will help you if you yell out. My purpose in writing this is for other women (of any age, it doesn't matter how old or young you are) not to be too trusting, and to learn that these things often happen. So, please don't be shocked, or freeze. Protect yourselves.

I'm so sorry you had to live through this, Carmina.

 

I still think Carmina should ask for support among her theatre-colleagues and husband, first. Why didn't the director and the producer talk to the man immediately? I really don't understand.

 

I can think of another use you could have made with that wrench.

What a disgusting man. You need to take action against him, and if they drop your play because of the incident you should see about a civil suit against the owner of the theater for not following through on his promise to confront/discipline that individual.

 

Why are people debating as to whether it's worth telling the police?

There are no barristers in here as far as I know.

Mina, alert the authorities immediately; he might have another charge already on him for doing this before!

Alternatively, if they don't take you seriously, then tell Steve, your dad, and any other big men in your family all about it. I bet they'd pay a visit.

 

I'm not a barrister, of course. But my mother is, so we've heard discussions about this sort of thing many times before. Don't forget that there is defamation of character to contend with, before you decide to go to the police.

 

Not going to police. Without any physical evidence, it would be a he said/she said situation. The director and producer have talked to him...so he knows that it isn't a secret and that they are watching out for me. The director assures me that I will be receiving an apology. We shall see.

 

Are you going to accept an apology, if he gives it to you?

 

The show must go on. I won't be heading to any back rooms with him any time soon.

 

Never talk to him again though. In a very obvious way. Not even to say hi. Is that possible?

 

Carmina, I'm really sorry to hear about the constant downward spiral your life is on right now. I sincerely hope things improve for you soon. They have to --how much more can life throw at you? Do what's right for you, as far as retributive action is concerned... You have a right to go to the police, certainly, but as I'm sure you know, that can open several cans of worms. As of late, I would know. Good luck with whatever you choose to do... And here's warm thoughts for good to come to you, for once.

My own life is disassembling as well. I had a paralyzing anxiety attack this morning, and another earlier this afternoon. I havent been able to compose myself since, I wonder if I deserve to, after what I amount to.

Edit: Didnt see the previous four posts... Good luck with your decision.

 

Mina, I hope things get easier for you soon. I'm really sorry about everything that's been piling up on you recently.

And Merc, I hope you're ok, too! If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here.

 

I agree with Pine on this Carmina. While we so often want to avoid conflict and be a peacemaker - you need to remember how you felt - and not extend any curtesies of any kind. When - and if - he apologizes - please avoid saying things like, "well, John, you really surprised me, but I accept your apology - lets just move on." To my way of thinking the tone should be something like:

"Fine - and I hope you are sincere because I will never forget this - and I want you to stay away from me - don't talk to me, don't look at me - keep your distance." - and walk off. And even with the apology - DO NOT be anywhere remote - have the Director or Producer there if at all possible.

And do not just tell your electronic friends on this site -but tell the other women involved in the play what happened - as a warning if nothing else. And of course - make sure you husband knows what occured.

Good luck Carmina. You know the axiom - if it weren't for these darkest of days - we would not be able to truly appreciate the great days. I hope your fortunes turn for the better.

 

Carmina, I hope that things get better for you, hopefully life will take a deep breath for you and slow down!

I'm tired of being treated like crap, in general, I feel like crap because I fell on the ice two consecutive days in a row, and on top of that, my English teacher lost my essay... and I had to reprint it. (Thank God for free printing and labs!). The only problem is, now he's another 3 or so days behind on grading it, I don't know how it'll be... And I had to waste half an hour of my time attempting to print it off but couldn't. Finally I gave in and said, "Heck with it, he lost it, he can print it off!"

I really need to start looking into anger management.

Edit: Mericul, I understand about panic attacks. I have them. I agree with Carmina, they're something to be considered. Panic attacks are insufferable. Regardless of what you decide, I do hope things get better!

 

You deserve to feel better. I understand about panic attacks. There are some good treatment options available to help you with these. Please seek them out.

 

Thanks guys. I used to take anxiety medication when I was younger before abruptly, stupidly, cutting it off. I did pretty well without it, all things considered, but the attacks did continue. I'd been considering it a part of life, but I rarely have one as bad as the two I had today. I'm not kidding when I said it was paralyzing; I couldnt move for quite some time. I'm thinking it might be a good idea to figure out a way to cope with my anxiety again.

Editted.

 

Not happy because my mother is on the phone trying to get an IEP for my brother who has severe issues. Seriously, they are affecting his ability to do well in school. If we had the money for a lawyer... Why won't they just give him the stupid acomidations?!

 

It is a sad world we live in when people lose their jobs, can't make their house payment, get thrown out of their home, and are forced to live in less than comfortable conditions, and then the police officer shows up and throws everything they own out on the lawn.
The father and mother are both crying while the children watch from the sidewalk. It breaks my heart.

 

A fanatical friend of mine thinks that this is about to happen to a family member. He's had a tip-off.

I'm going to watch the sparks fly.