The not happy thread

Spoiler

Being bipolar is really tough; being mixed cycling bipolar is worse, in some ways - although it's certainly not worse than being bipolar I. There's just such a misunderstanding of the disorder that makes me upset. It's not an up and down mood swing thing. It's so much more than that. And people get upset at me when I get upset. And I cannot control when I get upset. I'm working on it. Hopefully the meds will kick in on Monday.

... It upsets me that when I'm working my hardest, it's still never going to be good enough for the people I care about.

 

Best of luck to you Wizard. I can't possibly begin to know how it feels to have this, but the least I can do is give you my best wishes.

But as for my issue...ugh...

Spoiler

I'm not too proud to say that I was a pretty heavy smoker till about year ago (and yes this was during high school :/). Half a pack a day does wonders for your teeth and breath, ya know? Well anyways, I quit a year ago cold turkey, which was probably a terrible idea, but it worked. The only problem is that every few months it hits me back like a stone wall. I've been craving then for the past few days...all damn day long. I'm running out of spare packs of gum, and I really hope it goes away soon. I'm trying not to think about it (and yes I know this isn't helping, but I need to get it out), but when I physically feel it, then I can't avoid it. It's just driving me nuts.

 

It was a great idea. The craving never goes away really, so live with it. But don't give in!

 

My hamster is dying. Yes, she's two inches long, but she's the best hammy I could ever have imagined, let alone owned. Never bites, soft and fluffy and snuggleable, with just enough insanity to make her brilliant. And she's dying, and slowly.

I'm going to miss you, Lou.

 

I understand completely. When my rat, Spiffy, was dying, I felt the same way. *hugs*

 

Thank you. It's so hard to know she's hurting and I can't do anything about it.

 

I understand. Especially in an aminal that small. (Gives internet hug)

 

Internet hug back, writewizard. Thank you.

 

So, here's my vent. My brother comes by this afternoon to let me in on a problem he has been having of late. He and his wife are talking about divorce. He tells me that it isn't working and they need to go their separate ways. I asked how long this has been going on and he answers, a good year. He lost his job with the state when the cut backs began, he went from making excellent money to a job delivering pizzas. He has been to one job interview after another, he is either over qualified or a job risk because of the money he was making...they feel he would quit if better pay came along. She is without sympathy...so why get married. I am speechless...she is a one sided circus with no clue how to be supportive or how to be a joint effort. Now, here he is alone, sleeping at our mom's house as well as mine, all the while his wife is standing there with her arms crossed, denying him any support. My heart is breaking for him, I so hope that one day he can find the love he deserves.

 

Sounds like there is maybe a lot more going on then you might know. I hope he can work it out

 

This annoyed me today. I saw a sign today outside a pizza place down the street that said:

"White or wheat, are subs are delicious!"

Blergh.

 

Genius.

 

Feeling a little combative tonight for no particular reason.

 

People are people, and everyone should be nice.

I cant understand why people hate, and it really sucks when people hate you because of your demographics. Sorry for being born? Screw you.

 

I've had a change in my living situation recently that is frustrating me to no end. Late last year my now ex-girlfriend of several years broke up and she moved out. This coincided with my younger brother being released from prison, in which he served 9 years, with no immediate place to live. So I took him in...this has been trying, to say the least. During his incarceration he found himself landing in a level 5 (Supermax) facility, due to his bad behavior and gang activity. It is most likely accurate to say that he is institutionalized to some degree...having been in and out of juvenile facilities before he started his 9 year sentence at the age of 17. I am sure that many would ask, why did you give him this opportunity? To which I cannot fully answer without writing a couple of pages, but in this case, I will spare you my reasons. Let's just say we both grew up in the same conditions and he reacted differently to the pressures those conditions offered than I did. So far (its been about 7 months) he has "beaten the odds", with a full time job, vehicle and somewhat positive mindset. I feel that I have done the right thing, but living with him is difficult...I sometimes feel like a cell partner!

 

I'm not happy because I went to Perth for Amity to see the specialist and he turn around and told me that she has to undergo further investigation in 6 months to find out how severe the damage is to her left lung. He also wants to see how responsive her lungs are to Ventolin to rule out asthma.

Then on the Saturday we allowed the children to spend a day with their DBD (dead beat dad) and he turn around and told them they were naughty for calling Dan Dad and told them they had to call him Dan. Poor Mason was really confused over it all and wanted to know, from me, why his DBD thought he was naughty for this. Kind of hard to explain to a young child, but I did my best without upsetting him any further.

Then before we even got home we had everyone phoning me asking to borrow money off me. Do I look like a bank???? I also moved my cousin the day before we left, we had already fueled the car up[ for going to Perth, and my cousin told us she'd replace the fuel, well we moved her and then she went home after storing her crap in our shed, then removing it while we were in Perth. No money was given for the fuel as promised. So I am really annoyed at her for using me like that as when I asked her about the fuel yesterday, she turn around and said to me "I spent it the day before you moved my stuff from my ex's house"

 

Thanks for the kind word. His wife called this morning to let us all know that she is not team effort, her quote, "He pulls his weight, I pull mine." So, there that is. I hope she doesn't find herself in the layoff line. She deserves whatever she gets. I am disgusted with her, I don't want to even look at her face. She completely sickens me. Bleh

 

Hopefully your day goes better...

 

Early classes tomorrow.

Boooohooooo.

 

I just spent the last 30 mins having this conversation with my sister. Some people SHOULD NOT get married. Ever. Sounds like this woman is one of them. It's a shame your brother didn't see this side of her before they got married...but then again love is blind.

Everyone seems to be all about themselves. Me-me-me culture. As if you can have that attitude about the person you marry, the one you supposedly want to spend your whole life with. That is not love.

 

An ad on a site led me to the most despicable website ever. The Ashley Madison Agency. For those of you who haven't heard of it, it's a dating website....for people who are married. Their slogan? Life is Short, Have an Affair.

I am disgusted with people in general tonight.

 

That's horrifying and proves what I posted in here a few days ago. The world is just falling out from moral values.

 

Alternatively, we could just accept that most humans are not designed to live as Siamese twins. It is possible for married people to keep a sense of self and enjoy sharing responsibilities for children, coming together for family occasions etc. But the everyday grind of married life, especially if you have very little money...it's not surprising people need some release. You only live once. Just make sure you don't hurt the people you care for.

 

Now I've heared everything! Not only is this unacceptable in every possible way, but think about the stupid side of it: Let's get together and cheat! I want to cheat but I am so useless I can't do it without help. LOL!

That's not a dating agency, it's a cover for a ...ahem.. house of ill repute.

 

True couples are together for better or worse, without ever doubting. I'm sure your brother can do better. She'll be in the receiving end of this behaviour one day, abandoned when in need. You'll see.
Focus on your brother and forget about her.