The not happy thread

I can't help but be slightly annoyed right now. Busy writing, but, instead of words coming easily like they usually do, I'm sitting here fretting over each sentence, because of some "advice" I got this week on my writing. I miss the days where I couldn't type fast enough and everything came easily, and I just settled into my characters.

 

I;m mad becuase I went to the most AWESOME concert last night for my favorite band (not why I'm mad) that I totally wouldn't trade for anything cuz it was amazing, but this guy I used ot be friends with but don't like anymore got to go to a meet and greet soundcheck part with the band and has all these pictures on his facebook with them and him with them. it's sucks that I guy I kinda hate got to go meet my favorite band

still, I am sooo happy I got to go, it's was one of the best birthday presents ever and I wouldn't change anything except maybe make the band come out to meet us lol but I am actaully really happy that I got to go so I'm really jsut being kind of petty about this

 

Thanks guys, I appreciate your responses, and I do feel better now.. I know logically there are people in the same boat as I and everything will be ok in the end

I guess I wasn't thinking straight at the time because I was tired and really angry.

Things will get better over time, just have to focus on the positive things.

*thumbs up*

 

That's why I don't ask for advice! You don't always know how valid a reviewer or mentor is unless you know them, so try and ignore it - do your own thing!

 

I'm not happy because I can't think of anything to write
Blaaank screen...
The if I do write something, even a single word it is so trite and crappy I delete it straight away. GRR!

 

I'm not happy because I had a very unsettled nights sleep because I was having abdominal pain all night long and it still hasn't gone away. Just one days break from the pain would be nice... ><

 

The worst part? I didn't even ask for the advice. =[ Somebody just decided to throw out their two cents, and it annoys me now.

 

As much as I love Mister Spits, which, I do, a lot. I still miss my baby girl, my Little Bit. I'm almost in tears just talking about her. Thinking about how perfect they would have been together, and how much I would have loved looking out to see two foals playing in my field.

Instead, I can't get the picture of her on the day she died out of my mind.

I miss her.

 

I am not happy. I don't think I'm strong enough to handle my life. I've tried for many, many years to cope, but things just keep happening. Time doesn't make it easier, just harder. I am so tired, but I keep fighting anyway because I'm not going to do to anyone what Neill did to me or what my dad did to me. I'm just exhausted. I'm waiting for the moment when things DO let up a little. When all my memories begin to take to their beds in the back of my mind, instead of the loud, senseless banging they make in ALL of my thoughts. But waiting for that is hard.

 

Baywriter, you are strong enough. I do believe that. I also believe that it will not be easy. It never is in that kind of situation.

The hardest thing now is probably finding friends who you can trust enough to help you through te worst patches, but that you don't put so much upon that they pull away. The best thing is to trust several friends a little, rather than one or two friends a lot. That way, you distribute the burden, and you also become less dependent on any one point of support. If one of them turns out less than fully trustworthy, you aren't thrown off balance as easily, when that support collapses.

Abovce all, believe in yourself. You have already survived a lot. You are stronger than you believe.

 

Baywriter
a burden shared is a burden halved.
I am a stranger but a friend as well.
If you want to get things off your chest
to someone who will never judge
pm me.
luv and hugs.

 

What I'm feeling right now goes way beyond not happy. On the walls of an elementary school just outside Toronto, someone spray painted, "I love Hitler" and "Die Jews". On Thursday, I also learned that my cousin gets called a baby killer just because he wears his Star of David.

 

That is awful Rei.

 

Ignorance is what kills, along with its brother, Intolerance.

 

Thanks, guys. Anti-semtitism is on the rise all over the world, people blaming ever Jew for the decisions made by the Israeli goverment and military. Not everything Israel has done is right, but the treatment they are getting is not fair.

People don't even know the whole story, either. They see the innocent people of Palistine who get in the way, and don't stop to think about whether or not the ones in power in Palistine might be doing bad things, too. Or stories get twisted. One story my cousin told me was about an Israeli soldier who picked up a kid to get him away from the fighting. Someone managed to get a picture and when the published it, they claimed that he was using the kid as a shield.

People spend so much time worrying about Israel and Palistine. When was the last time you took a look at Darfur?

 

While I tend to find myself on the side of Palestine more often than Israel, that's absolutely disgusting. I hope your cousin is okay. I'm ashamed that happened in my home town, or anywhere in the supposed first world for that matter.

On topic, my dad went in for heart surgery last week. It was successful thankfully and the doctor says he'll be in much better shape than he was before, which is great, but the stress and worry is finally catching up to me these past few days.

 

This makes me want to cry, scream. Some people are just very, very sick. My aunt is a dean and often deals with troublesome kids in a nearby township. She just suspended a kid for handing out KKK flyers --there are only three African-Americans in the school (I dont know about Catholics, but chances are the kid wasnt educated enough to understand that the KKK is intolerant of anyone who doesnt fit the WASP profile).

I'm quite tolerant and understanding most of the time, but gosh. There are some people who just do not deserve to live. People who spraypaint those disgusting words and pass out these disgusting flyers dont even qualify as human beings in my mind.

It makes me ashamed to come from Indiana, which still houses the headquarters of the less than popular but still quite active KKK.

 

Wanna know one of the reasons so many civilians get caught up in the fighting? Israel gives them fifteen minutes warning so they can leave and not get hurt, and then Hamas tells them to stay so they can be martyrs. How can anyone support a government that does that? Before you decide who to support, if you choose sides at all, which I don't, learn the whole story.

 

When it comes to wars...especaialy ones where the hatred goes back a LONG time...both sides have done their share of awful things. It is terrible. However, to start preaching hate in countries not involved about an entire religion is never justified.

 

I'm upset because I have a killer migraine because it's getting to be that time of month again, and it seems like nothing I do can alleviate this kind of pain. I've never been in so much pain my life. I've practically drank the entire bottle of Excedrin Migraine, and it just doesnt get better.
I've been experiencing vertigo on almost a regular basis now --every time I stand, I fall down; every time I shower I fall down; I fell right off the horse I was riding today becaues of the dizziness I've been getting (and I attribute part of the fall to my migraine too). At first the dizziness was kind of cool, but now it's worrying.

I had a horrible experience today with my riding lesson. My trainer wasnt mad at me --the horse was just being a butthead. I fell off first --that was my fault because of the dizziness, but he proceeded to stand up with me on him and then began to buck. I didnt fall off those times (luckily) simply because I know how to ride a horse. I've never seen her so angry in all of her life.
And then... I got fastfood, which I shouldnt have because I'm trying to be good with my diet, but I figured I deserved it because things have been sh***y today, and they got my order wrong, so now I cant eat it anyway. That's what I get for not checking it, right?
And now I've just heard that my cousin is mad at me, and I dont know why. What did I do this time? For some reason, I always end up screwing things up, without trying; I have some sort of talent-curse.
And now I'm bawling at the love songs playing on iTunes shuffle because I'm so damn tired and upset and pms-y.


ARGHHHHHHHHHHH. I cant stand it!

And what's worse is I'm beating myself up for being upset because I know I dont really have a right to, besides the vertigo and the migraine maybe, but honestly. I'm such a crybaby.

 

*hugs* Sorry you've had such a rotten day Merc.

As for the horse thing, we've all had stupid falls. I ripped some cartilage in my shoulder one day after falling off Baby. The saddle was too loose!

 

I'm not in the best of moods tonight, more stressed than anything I suppose. Firstly, money appeared in my account and I don't know where it came from. I think I am the only one who doesn't like it when that happens. I went to the bank and they said they can't find out where the money came from either... I argued with the woman and then stormed out. (not going in tomorrow to find out after todays episode...)

Then this afternoon I had to take Ami back to the doctors as she has fallen ill again. So she is back on antibiotics. Not as bad as she has been in the past, but she does have a mild infection in her lung. Obviously the specialist was too keen to diagnose her as 'outgrowing' her respiratory problem... fingers crossed this is the only time she falls ill and over winter she remains healthy. Though it is only autumn and she has fallen ill... sigh!

 

sorry to hear about Ami.
One time money went into our account
and my husband's idea was "lets spend it quick
before they find out."
Turns out it was ours so that was nice.
hope your tomorrow goes smoothly.

 

*rant alert*

Here I am. A freak of nature sent to amuse some "perfect b******" ". Let's make her a project. Well thank you very much, but I'm not interested. I don't want to be perfect mannequins like you. I'm just happy to be who I am. You didn't let me live in peace, now let me die in peace for God's sake! I'm commiting enmity suicide here. You were never worthy being even enemies of mine. I'm not perfect. In fact I detest the very word perfect. Imperfection makes a human being. Would you just get the point? What are you? Social masiahs. Oh look at that girl, she should be an outcast, she does not wear the right clothes. Well here's a reality check, that girl has an IQ of probably 30 above yours. I became friends friends with that girl, doesn't give you the right of shunning me. Cause you know what? Look around you, you're vindictive, loud? Well more that half of your "mates" are standing on my side-not yours.
Barbie dolls remain exactly that-barbies. They never make it beyond the "play stage". Yeah so what that I'll probably never be "heard" like you. At least my dreams make sense and I do something constructive, even if it'll just remain a "dream". I never said I'm perfect, I know I babble--haven't you laughed at my expense a lot when I got into trouble for that? I'm over-enthusiatic, selfish, hopeless. But I'm not perfect. That makes me a functuning human, unlike you plastic dolls. Get a life.

*over*

Sorry that was PMS talking.

 

I cannot abide bigotry. And although it's kind oif redundant, I REALLY cannot abide stoopid (sic) bigotry.

Especially when they obviously think they are being funny and clever.