The not happy thread

Unfortunately, Mikey is my only friend in town right now. That WOULD be my luck. And that's the thing. He wants to stay friends while he waits for this funk he's going through to pass, but it's hard for me. I mean, I loved being his friend, but being his girlfriend was so much better. So now everytime I see him, I want that feeling again.

 

Of course you do. No one wants to stay in the bad times when the good times felt great.

Let yourself mourn. Maybe you and Mikey can be together again, maybe not. If you do get back together, it will change. Ideally, the difference will be more depth and communication. But there will be differences in any case.

Or maybe you'll find someone else entirely. That's not an awful outcome, even though right now it's unthinkable. Right now would be a bad time for a new relationship, in fact.

But hang in there, Bay. Even this will be something you'll look back upon as a good thing, someday.

 

I'm sure you're right, and I tell myself that. I don't usually get hung up on relationships, to be honest. But this one really got to me. And everyone seems to think we'll get back together eventually, but I don't know. I'm always doubtful.

 

Imagine hitting yourself with a hammer --hard, for a couple of hours. And not the flat side, but the jagged side, the side that would hurt more. Then imagine your head finally split in half because you hit yourself so hard, and then imagine trying to sew it back together with a needle and thread bit by bit, and once the task is finally done, your brain starts swelling; it's swelling to a size that becomes too big for your skull to hold so then the stitches begin to rip your head apart again and the pressure makes your brain start to ooze out of your ear and you start screaming, only you're already in so much pain that screaming only makes it worse...

Imagine that, and you still wont have any idea of how bad my migraine was today.
Awful, just awful.

 

I was looking at some old pictures from like 4 years ago. I had a hot little bod, and I just have to ask myself...what happened? I wore my new swimsuit to the pool last night. I had muffin top. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

 

I know the feeling. Every time Joel and I meet up with my brother, his wife, my sister, and her fiance, I get miserable because my sister and sister-in-law are both skinny and toned, and I'm the only one there with a belly. Go away, already! I want to be skinny like I used to be...

 

I'm extremely unhappy for my dental appointment tommorrow, I just can't stand anyone in my mouth, especially with those metal poking devices!

Their latex gloves, their odor makes me nauseous, the fluoride foam and toothpaste makes me cringe, and the pills are huge.

Kind of a pointless rant, but anything evolving oral work makes me completely tense and very mad.

 

I start my first 8am - 5pm job on monday. Office hours.

Ugh. ALL summer.

Just think of the money, Ashleigh. You need the money. Think of the money.

 

If it helps Ashy, I'm EXTREMELY jealous of you right now. I got denied an interview by McDonalds.

 

I got a headache yesterday and wasn't able to go to the pool. Today, I have another headache. I am getting REALLY tired of having headaches all the time.

 

maow

 

I'm not happy because I'll be missing two album releases during camp. Aragh.

 

I'm not happy because I'm trying to find somewhere for Joel and I to take dance classes, and all the classes I can find are ridiculously expensive. Urgh.

 

I'm grumpy over something that I can't talk about, as well as other things and pregnancy hormones are making it far worse.

Oh! And the swine flu is now going around the town I live in. In the school that is just around the corner from my house, a student was tested positive. Considering the person was at school while sufferring the symptoms, I can only begin to imagine how many others in the town have contracted it... the school is still functioning and I only managed to find out because a parent who got a letter home today stating that a student from the school tested positive for the swine flu, posted it up on Facebook. There has been nothing on the news, from what I can gather, about this. The hospital has kept it really hush hush and this may very well be the second case of it in this town.

Parents are total inconsiderate a-holes. Their children get ill and what is the first thing they do? Take them to school to get rid of them so they don't have to deal with it themselves, or, take them to everyone else's palce to make sure they spread it around to as many people as possible. People get gastro, what do they do? Quickly invite people around to give it to them, or just simply send their diseased children to school to make the whole damn town ill as well. My cousin is a prime example of this. Since I have stopped associating with her, I have actually found myself and my children aren't getting sick so often and Ami is actually getting better!

When I take my boy to school, there is a symphony of snotty kids sucking the snot back up their noses, or a symphony of kids coughing their lungs up, or a symphony of kids blowing their noses. It makes me sick that parents think of school as a daycare system. THEY ARE THERE TO TEACH, NOT NURSE SICK CHILDREN! HOW THICK DO PEOPLE HAVE TO BE??????

I am in a really bad mood tonight...

 

Sorry Tor. *Hug*

Biggest complaint for me at the moment is:
I got up at 6 to feed the dogs and let them outside. I guess I was too slow in getting up. Discovered the hard way that someone peed on the carpet. I am getting very good at hoping on one foot to the sink.

 

I hope it was one of the dogs!

 

So do I. Otherwise my husband's lack of a job is the least of his problems

 

*sigh*

Ashleigh has gone home, after spending the week here, and I feel very lonely all of a sudden...

 

So this year has been ****all. It was bad and then it got worse and then it got even worse and just when I thought I had hit rock bottom, BOOM. The bitch called life slaps me upside the head and pushes me down just a little bit farther and a little bit farther. I was so angry last night, I didnt even know what to do with myself --and I broke the mirror. (Again.) I cant even talk about it.

And then the SAT scores came in today. I spent $45 to improve by only 40 points. An 1860 is not that bad; it's actually very high in comparison to both the state and national averages, but it's not enough if I want to get into this school. I was hoping for at least a 2000.
Dad wants me to try again (for the third time-- that 1860 is superscored; I got an 1820 the first time and an 1840 this time), and he really wants me to buckle down and study for this, but how can you study for this, other than the math, that is?

(For those of you who dont know or havent taken the exam, or it's been a while: The SAT is a nationwide test, sometimes available to students in other countries. Your score is out of 2400. Most colleges and universities mostly in America use this test to measure your capabilities and see if you'd be a good fit for a particular school. It is extremely important to do well on this test if you want to continue your education.)

Ughhhh. The scores shouldnt bother me this much, but at this point nothing is going my way anymore, and I'm getting really, really pissed off.

And my head hurts like hell, and the migraine medication isnt working!

 

Uhhh Mercurial I'm guessing SATs are like A levels over here...are they in a wide range of subjects? Is there still a chance your uni will take you? Surely it isn't just about good marks, they do interviews and other stuff? .

 

They kind of are. I think your A Levels are over courses that you study for, though, right? I guess they're similar in that your A Levels and my SAT are mean about the same thing in terms of getting into higher education.

The SAT is over critical reading, mathematics, and writing, each section worth 800. Considering I'm pretty strong in the first and third areas, I thought I would've done better than I had. The math really killed me, though. It's kind of hard to study for; a lot of the critical reading questions are just vocabulary, and how can you study for that --read the dictionary?! And the writing, I thought I'd be okay with, but then again, they do only give you 30 minutes to read the prompt, organize your thoughts, and write them coherently and brilliantly. And the math is just... the devil.

A university will take me; my score is fairly high; the national average in 2008 was 1611. And the school I want to go to does accept students with scores like mine; stats say that my score is about in the middle 50% of students accepted, but this school is like an Ivy League (meaning, the best of the best of the best of the best), except it's not on the coast like the rest of them. They accept a lot of students with perfect scores.
Right now I have a 50/50 chance of getting into this school, and they do hold interviews, and that will help, but I was hoping that the scores would be higher so the chances would be better.

 

I see. Yes SATS sound like our AS/A2 levels, which we take for any 3 (or more, one guy managed 22! ) subjects, like next year I'm doing French, Blodge, Chem and Phys. An Ivy League I'm gussing would be like Oxford or Cambridge here, the unis that are best-known, though of course there's loads of other good ones.

Right so you've already done re-takes, and you're not happy with your score - but it seems OK to me, don't lose hope! Just dazzle them in the interview, and they'll have a look at your personal statement thingamubub too won't they. Chin up!

 

Oh and also - how many unis are you applying for? Even if you don't get your first choice you'll probably end up very happy elsewhere (hollow thing to say I know but you'll be all right!)

 

Yeah, here Ivies like Harvard, MIT, and Yale (among others) are like Cambridge and Oxford in England; getting an acceptance letter is basically like getting a certificate for being awesome.

I'm applying to probably six or seven schools. Three of them I know I'll get into, the one I want to get into is about 50/50, and the others are ones I would be satisfied with and am semi-certain of acceptance.
I'm just afraid I'll end up like my friend Nick did --when he didnt get into Harvard (which has a 9% acceptance rate and denies plenty of well-qualified applicants simply because they dont have the accomodations for all of them), he stayed home from school for a week, and when he came back, he hated all of his friends. I can unfortunately see myself doing that.

I guess I'll be okay, and I shouldnt worry about getting in right now. I'll get in somewhere. I'm 100% sure I'll get into my state school, which is one of the best state schools around, but it's so big (over 40,000 undergraduates, and then there are the faculty members, graduate students, and people who live in the adjacent towns... it scares me!). There's nothing I can do until August, and I cant even submit an application until November, which is still really early. I should just stop worrying, but it just makes me really unhappy. I know I could do better.

 

I got kinda lucky when it came to the SATs, in that I took it before they added an essay part. Also since it only had two parts, critical reading and mathmatics/science, sixteen hundred was the max score. I got like an 1150 on it, but I only took it once. Though a lot of higher up Unis look for extra things that you did with school more than just the sat scores due to the number of people with highscores and good grades that apply. Do well at your current job will likely look more impressive than getting a slightly higher score, oh and the fact that you re-took it and improved will look nicely so don't stress over it too much.