The Not Happy Thread

^It probably wasn't a good movie then. That's what my sister says when she can't remember one.

^Punch a pillow. I hear that always helps

I'm not happy because I can't seem to get back into this short story I wrote. I don't know why. I've read over it at least half a dozen times, knowing it will need to be edited, but I don't know how I'll fix it to make it better, which makes me feel wary of how I should finish it. But I should just get it over with and stop agonizing. Then, I'll be able to officially say I've finished it and then move on to editing it.

 

I'm in the same spot with my novel but forcing myself to keep up the 1,000 words/day quota nonetheless.
Mapping some scenes out right now, then to the word doc I will go.

 

I may have stepped in it with someone on an art site I'm a part of.

I got dumped from being a mod on a group without any notice or reason or even warning. I apologized thinking it was because I had been absent a lot due to health issues and family troubles I was having. Never got a reply to the apology to tell me why I had been booted.

Then I see a journal entry for the group saying he decided to kick off all the current mods. Where he proceeded to basically say we were all slacking and not working with him etc. Then there was this other guy totally ass kissing talking about how the rest of us sucked because we weren't present enough. There was never a word out of the founder's mouth to me or anyone else about slacking, communication, or lack thereof (prior to this).

So I commented a rebuttal. I suppose I could always block him. It's not like I can't. It's a large site with a lot of groups. I just feel that would be immature to "flounce" (for lack of a better way to put it) and not hear what he has to say. Which may be a mistake on my part assuming he will be civil when he acted as he did leading others to believe I (and the rest of the mods) were unreliable. I did leave the group. I didn't want a part of it any way. He kept turning down all my submissions claiming they aren't my best work. I honestly believe it's to get a dig at me because he decided I was useless (I imagine he's done this to the other mods as well). Especially when he was allowing people to submit rather explicit and tacky drawings.

I've never encountered so many self centered drama queens in my entire life. I have days where I wonder if making a name for myself in the art community someday is worth putting up with some of these wretched people. I have to keep reminding myself that in the end I make art for me and no one else.

There's a lot of amazing people. I'm trying not to let the morons spoil the wonderful people there. I feel conflicted about my actions right now. I did do my best to phrase it as politely as possible. Unfortunately I'm sure it will be inflammatory nonetheless.

 

The guy sounds like an immature douche, and that's not acceptable behavior for a mod or admin of any forum, or any type of leader in general. Sounds like you did the right thing, though, Terra.

 

Thanks Mallory.

Sometimes I open my mouth when I shouldn't and get myself in a bit of trouble or arguments. lol

I was thinking this might be one of those instances where I should have kept quiet. The waters are murky on things like that for me. I used to be able to leave it be if someone did something like that but now I feel I have to stand up for myself.

 

I know exactly what rock bottom looks like now...I'm there. Not leaving for New York tomorrow. Everything is going wrong, and I just cant handle it. I'm going to break; I can feel it.

 

No you won't, don't worry. You're the survivor type. You'll feel shaken around a bit as though you might break, but you won't actually break.

Keep what you're doing...pushing through to get your degree, standing up for yourself, not putting up with the crap people try to give you, taking time to have fun, and recognizing when you can and can't handle a given situation.

People with that level of strength and common sense don't break, not in the long run.

 

It wasn't bad actually. I refreshed my memory, and it wasn't awful, it was just...average. Budget film, unoriginal plot, but not badly executed.

Ah well, I got something resembling a review done and submitted in time, so you can all read it when it goes live if you'd like.

 

Sorry to hear that. Obviously I don't know what happened, but I hope things get better for you soon.

 

Merc, that sucks. I hope things work out for you.

 

*HUGS* I don't believe you will. I've had a lot of times I felt like I was going to break but I never did. I believe you're very strong and it will pass in time.

I definitely know that feeling. I've had days where I thought the pain would kill me but I'm still here. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You'll make it.

 

Dropping out of high school was no problem, but now I can't seem to get back in. It's my own fault, I know, but it's still frustrating - now that I'm actually motivated to graduate and try to improve myself, no one wants to give me the time of day. I'm not surprised, just ticked off.

On the up-side, all this hassle is making me better at talking to strangers on the phone. I've had to make three phone calls in the last two days, and my throat didn't close up or anything. I'm on my way toward functioning as a normal human being, capable of doing basic crap that normal people should be able to do.


@Mercurial: Best of luck. I ran off to New York for a while, but it didn't turn out too great for me. Hope it works out for you, though.

 

Suddenly Banshees - Instead of trying to get back in to high school, why not just get your GED? It's the equivalent of a high school diploma, but it's much faster to get and probably the logical thing to do if you've already dropped out. Then, instead of sitting in high school for however many years you had left, you can just take a test and then move on with whatever you want to do, be it community college, university, a job, etc.

One of my best friends from high school dropped out, got a GED and is doing fine.

 

I struggle with phone calls too. Good you're getting better at it.

 

@Mallory - I was going to get a GED originally, but then I decided I want to go into the Air Force. For that, I need either a high school diploma or a GED + 15 college credits. As of right now, I have neither the money nor the intelligence to get 15 college credits, so it'd be easier to just graduate. It's only 1 more year, though, so I could take it online if I can't get into a normal school. Still, I'd like to be able to go to a regular school, since my social skills are crap and sitting at home by myself will probably make them worse.

@Eunoia - Glad to see I'm not the only one I wish I had some advice on how to make it easier, but I just kind of forced myself into it. Also I have the "fear is the mindkiller" mantra from Dune written on my notepad, because I am a geek.

 

School starts tomorrow. Ugh.

 

Haha. Yeah, I think forcing yourself into it is the only way really.

 

^ Amen to that. I'm so much better calling places up now, because I've been forced to with my new job.

I always have a note pad and pen with me too, so if I get really nervous for any reason I can always write down what I want to say. It sounds ridiculous, but for people who have confidence issues it's a common problem.

Nowdays I just dial away and trust myself to sound confident. Jumping in the deep end was the only way for me. It's the dawdling and thinking about it that made it worse, I find.

 

Ashleigh, I can remember that feeling from when I was really new to reporting. What kind of job do you have?

By the way, congratulations on the word count.

 

^ Thank you!

It's a cleaning job in a hospital (apparently we can even do the mortuary. *Shudder*) where you arrange your own hours by phone. I've also had to arrange inductions and a health interview and christ knows, all because it's the health environment.

So, naturally, I've had to get used to ringing them up all the time. I'm very glad of it for the confidence it's given me, even if it is a pain in the backside.

 

Thanks everyone. At least I was able to cancel my flight while I cant get a refund, I can supposedly use the credit toward another flight if I use it within a certain date* (* extra fees and shit apply, like they always do with airlines). And at least I was able to sell my ticket to the event I was planning on going to, so I got some of my money back.

I am feeling really down right now, but I know it'll get better... things have gone so wrong at this point that there is no way but up; they have to go right sooner or later.

Actually, I take that back, I have one more hard thing to get through on Monday (when my ex-guy gets deployed. I still really care about him and worry about him and will miss him, so that will be hard). And then nothing can get any worse.

Sigh. I feel like crying, but surprisingly I think I'm finally all out of tears. This weekend, at least, I think I will just drink my worries away... whatever.

Edit:

Hmmm. I thought I was the only one who ever did that. I'm over that now and am just used to calling people now that I am in an environment where I have to do that all the time, but for a long time I was afraid of the telephone, truly afraid.

 

Merc, how comes you can't go to New York now? I don't know if you kept that private or if I just missed seeing the reason. Either way I'm still so sorry. It seems like 2nd year of uni is always destined to suck for everyone.

 

Travel plans got all mixed up with the people I was supposed to be going with. I was already very uncomfortable going, and the new plan put me over the edge. So I'm staying.

There is a lot going on right now that is stressing me out pretty intensely, so going on a trip was just going to end in disaster.

 

Well, at least it's for the best. Just sucks. Hang in there chicky. Some chill time will do you good. xx

 

I think so too. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow (maybe just drink. alone. yay for being pathetic.), but I'm going to hang out with some friends on Saturday, and hopefully I can say goodbye to my guy on Sunday. And then I will cry on Monday, do homework on Tuesday, and be back in class on Wednesday.

Blah. But some time for rest and trying to make myself healthier again (physically and mentally; I've been so stressed I haven't been eating or sleeping, which is only making the problem worse) is probably what I need right now --not a 3-day party.