The Not Happy Thread

Just tired of feeling like no matter how hard I try. I always get set back. I can't go back time and changes things differently. Cause Lord knows If I had that power, I would have done it a long time ago. Just.. I don't know what to do/say anymore.

 

That sounds familiar. I've been there. I am there. Injury, illness, other people, no luck... Just hang in there and don't worry about it too much. Plug away and things will change. You make your own luck, so don't get too down, just get your chin up and refuse to be beaten.

I'm not particularly happy as my sister's alarm clock went off at five this morning and woke me up. Apparently, she's moved it to the dividing wall between our rooms. My head is also against that wall. On the plus side, I've managed to get 250 words written, read the Kindle digest of the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction and start to search for some more jobs.

 

I would do the whole writing it down before calling so I have a script but I overthink things way too much. I'd have to write down a script for every possible scenario and knowing my luck, the recipient would respond in a way that I'm not prepared for. So yeah, unless I get a job involving calling people a lot then I don't think my confidence is going to change any time soon. But yeah, like I said, got to be forced to do it.

I know the feeling. You've just got to keep trying and not give up. There's always something to be optimistic about. Things will work out eventually.

Unlucky. That wouldn't have been a problem for me, alarm clocks don't wake me up.

 

Eunoia? Dante? I don't mean to offend you two when I say,

Boy, am I glad I'm born hard of hearing!!!

'Cause without my hearing aid, I can't hear much of anything, so alarm clocks are useless for me.

So, anyone who wants to sleep at my house, feel free to put your alarm clock whereever you please. 8D

 

Link, how do you wake up in the morning?

 

Simple. I just let my body clock do it for me.

I get up around 4-5 anyway, so it's all right. 8)

 

That's crazy! My body clock tends to wake me up around the time I should be up, but I would never feel comfortable relying on it, haha. Every once in a while, if I haven't been sleeping well or was up late for a night or two, or if I'm just really tired or in the middle of REM sleep, I could (and sometimes do) sleep for hours longer than I intend!

 

Well, I do go to sleep at around 8-9 PM, so yeah, that could explain why I get up so early.

But funny thing: Even if I had one hour of sleep, I still have enough strength to get myself through the day.

 

Haha, I said alarm clocks don't wake me up meaning I rely on my body clock too. I've only overslept when my sleeping patterns were majorly messed up though.

 

*deep breath*

Okay. So today started out well enough, despite it being the first day of junior year. Actually, let's start there, junior year. This year is gonna be the toughest of them all, I can just tell. This is pretty much the year before all the college crap, and I have to make it count. That doesn't sound too bad, because I've always had an aptitude for school, but I'm not looking forward to it. Why? Well, the thing I hate the most about school is the complete absence of freedom. For the next 180 days, or 36 weeks, or 10 months, I don't get to:

1) sleep in
2) eat whatever I want, whenever I want
3) relax completely
4) have an unloaded schedule
5) not have to deal with the horrible monotony of the same routine repeated 180 times

Yadda yadda, you get it. Small complaint, I guess. But looking down the road, it's not gonna be the most fun thing in the world. I'm especially not looking forward to geometry, because my teacher is an unforgiveable douche. It's only been a day and I can tell he and I won't get along. Now, I don't know if it's because I love English and hate math, but every English teacher I've ever had seems to be wonderful and awesome, and every math teacher I've ever had seems to be awful. And I hate the atmosphere of school, it crushes all my creativity and everything I am, and makes me into some dull, gray version of someone I'm not. I hate that.


And here's the real complaint of mine: I don't know how I'm gonna manage this work-school schedule. All summer it's been easy, because all I've had is work, but now I have to balance the two, and it's not starting off well. This weekend is a 3-day weekend, probably the longest break we'll get until some half-day or 3-day weekend in October, and you know how I'll be spending it? Nope, not relaxing like I'd love to do, chilling out before really starting school, but at work. And not just at work, oh no, working long hours. And I'm pissed, because truth be told, I'd much rather have school and then work during the week and have the weekends off, but no, they leave my schedule completely free for school nights, and then hurr durr, saddle me with brutal f/cking hours during the weekend, so between the two I get no f/cking break until God knows when. It would be so much easier to have school-to-work on the weekdays, but no, now my schedule is crammed and cluttered, and I swear to God, nothing is working out for me today.

It's just one of those days that started off well enough, but degenerated until I'm pissed, dejected, hopeless, frustrated and wanting to cry a bit all at once.

Oh yeah, and because my work days are only 2 or 3 as opposed to 5 or 6 per week in summer, my checks have been halved. Again, I hate that. Oh, and the new set of hardcover Harry Potter books I've been wanting so desperately for months? Well, Borders is f/cking CLOSED now, so I have to ask for the box set for Christmas from Barnes and Noble, and that's another few months, and God, everything is going wrong for me today.

 

I'm sorry to hear all that, Hidden. Sounds like it was a sneaky hate spiral day. Seriously read this I think it will make you laugh after the day you've had http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/05/sneaky-hate-spiral.html

It's a goofy blog with poorly drawn pictures that makes me laugh to no end. It's my go to thing when the day has been horrible and this particular post was too true to life for me not to laugh. I have so many days like that!

 

Mind if i join in? I don't mean to interrupt any intense conversation here, but i would like to let a few words out. I feel so bored out of my mind right now, i feel like life is the same thing everyday. I don't have the courage to talk to some people and i don't get to invite people over at my house cause My Mom is too negative. I never get to leave the House often, cause my family has always had fincial struggle so my mom thinks that if we are low on budget we can't do anything. The thing im most upset about, is not going anywhere. I love being outside, going to places and hanging out with friends on weekends. I barely ever get to do that. I never go on vacation over the summer, so im always bored. I need excitement somehow, ive had a good few weeks of school, but the feeling of redundancy has returned. My mom never lets me do anything it feels like, and my Dad.. he's never home. And when he is, he doesn't understand a thing. I feel so limited, and i hate it. I want to live life to the fullest, while still being able to write as much as i want. I just feel.... so dull. It's really an easy problem to fix, but it seems so hard for me. If im going outside, i go with somebody else besides myself. I missed the days i went outside everyday and hanged out with a group of really close friends. Thanks to the house market, i lost all of that. The kids on my block no are just as introverted as i am but much busier. If only i could relive the moments with my old neighbors once again, i'd be the happiest person alive.

 

That sucks. I felt like a bit of an outsider when I was in high school, so I can perhaps relate.

Is it possible for you to use a site like Meetup.com to try and organize a group for some kind of shared interest? (You mentioned outdoorsy stuff? Or did you mean outdoors as in just going out?) That way you could hang out and have fun, but only organize stuff that doesn't cost money.

Volunteering is another good one. It's free, and you'll meet lots of great people (because great people volunteer!)

 

Yeah, i meant like just going outside in general. I would love to volunteer, but i don't know for what necessarily. Any suggestions on what to volunteer for?

 

Habitat for Humanities...Big Brother Big Sister...local animal shelter or zoo...library....soup kitchens...wildlife cleanups....lol there's loads of places.

 

Thanks! I'll go searching for the websites and such.

 

Just look up "Volunteer Opportunities In [town/city in which you live]"

 

Mallory has some great ideas.

I've been thinking of looking into meetup myself to meet other artists in my area. I've got a lot on my plate right now and I do suffer from a fair amount of social anxiety. :redface:

I felt that way too in h.s. Xeno. It sucks but it does get better. It's always helpful to make friends with someone who has other friends that are like minded. That's how I made most of my friends when I moved. Usually people are friends with people who have some kind of similarities.

 

I've looked and looked on my city website. They don't have anything im interested in and some cost ALOT of money. I don't know what to do now...

 

Try looking into meetup.com? You can look for groups of people in your area that share common interests.

 

Earthquake Angst:

This is the eve of the one year anniversary of the first Christchurch earthquake. It happened at 4:35 am on the 4th September.

No-one died. Everyone thought it was a miracle.

Mum and Dad txted me, all worried, thinking that the epicentre was up here. Wellington was always due for a quake--no-one thought Christchurch would be hit.

My facebook page was inundated with people posting photos of themselves alongside giant cracks in the road. Everyone laughed about it.

But then the aftershocks started. This time last year no-one knew our city would look like a warzone now. No-one expected anything.

Then, when I was in the Christchurch earthquake this February, visiting family, a 6.3 shook the already weakened city even more. That time we weren't so lucky--182 people died.

It was hands down, the worst experience of my life. Because we thought the September 4th quake had left us unscathed, it hit everyone even harder.

When I was at dinner with my boyfriend's folks the other day, his mother (a radiographer) got talking about how interesting the injuries were that people sustained in the earthquake.

Those are my family and friends who got injured! It's my city that's been knocked to its knees.

I get freaked out when trucks drive past and shake the ground, I freak out in crowds because all I can think about is where we'd all go if a 'quake hit. I used to be such a positive person, and now all I do is cry.

I can't believe it's been a year. This time last year, no-one expected a thing. This time last year, we all got misled by a fool's miracle.

God, I just hate mother nature.

 

Double post. Please delete.

 

Gigi_GNR: School can be tough. I didn't particularly enjoy it. I think once you've got used to it again, you'll be okay. Could you not talk to your work and try and arrange alternative hours? The important thing is that you have a balance. Don't let it end up that all you're doing is school, homework and working. It can't be all work and no play.

Fullmetal Xeno: As was suggested you could do volunteering. You said you couldn't find any you're interested in but surely there must be something? Have you looked at your local volunteer centre's vacancies? How about charity shops? Another way to get out and that is free, is to join a reading group/book club or something at your local library. Saying that, there are always volunteering opportunities there. Are there any clubs at school you can join? Maybe you should make sure that you go out regularly, even if it is only going for a walk by yourself (I actually enjoy this).

dizzyspell: Sorry you and your family were effected by this. It's awful how some places in the world are troubled by natural disasters so much. It makes me feel fortunate and grateful for living where I do. I don't know what will help you stop freaking out or anything, but remember you're not the only one who has been affected by this. Don't be afraid to talk about it with your friends and family, it might help.

 

I don't think my city has vacancies for charities. Everything i see on the City website is usually in hundreds of dollars in money or something im not interested in. And yes, theres plenty of clubs at my school, but i don't know what. Since the economy is so bad my school has been cutting EVERYTHING. We lost our student emails and our Free Agenda for the year. I don't know what else they cut back on. I just don't know what to do. My local library is going under reconstruction, but it's so SMALL and theres hardly anything top do in there. They have Animal Shelters but im not sure if im responsible enough to take care of them..I just need to do SOMETHING.. im so bored out of my mind.

 

:/ I roughly typed 1,200 last night.. Lost it all. :/ back to where I was on Thursday.