The Not Happy Thread

Bah, I have this phlegm(?) feeling in my throat, like it's constant as if I'm about to be sick and I can't get rid of it. Keep feeling really hot too. Haven't had much sleep and I have three uni deadlines for next week, two of which I haven't started yet and I haven't got much motivation to do so. Anddd I have to go into uni today and I'm really not in the mood. Oh and I have a test, well more an exercise but it's pass/fail, tomorrow and I'm worrying about it (even though the tutor said no one's failed it). Bleurgh.

 

I would say blame it on the genius behind the Christmas idea and not Christmas as such.
At least you have a job applications to look forward to.

 

I know how devestated you must be - we had a big scare with my little doggy not so long ago, and I thought my whole world was ending.

I'm so, so sorry. All I can say is this: thank you for giving a dog 14 years of unconditional love. Even though it'll break your heart, that little'un has had the loveliest life a dog could ever ask for. Hang in there, and if you ever want to talk about it to a stranger, i'm here. I understand what you're going through. x

 

I'm so so sorry dizzyspell. *HUGS* It's always horrible when you lose a pet. They are like children to me. I love them all so dearly.



I can't get my mind off those stupid test results coming up. I feel like I'm being really whiny and ungrateful. My boyfriend's friend's grandpa is dying of cancer. His grandpa is like a father to him. And I'm complaining about having to wait for test results. It feels trivial in the big scheme of things. It will most likely be fine. The endocrinologist said I have my age and hormones on my side on this one.

I wish I would just let it go. I wish I could trust my gut feeling that it's alright. I have a feeling things are better. I feel things are stronger than before. Yet here I am.. I was really thinking I'd get these results a lot sooner. I feel like it's disrupting my life because I'm letting it get to me so badly and it all feels silly.

 

I'm really sorry, Dizzy. I lost one of my pups around this time last year too. It's really hard... I don't know what else to say other than that. I guess just be sure to remember to keep perspective. Grieve, of course, but remember that he had a wonderful, long life with you and was very happy.

My problem is a bit more shallow but extremely stressful. I have my final exams next week. I'm very nervous and overworked. I've been in the library since 1PM --it's 9PM now. And I cant stop. I haven't even stopped to eat. The only time I do stop is to go to the bathroom (which doubles as my 'stretch-your-legs break), pretty much. I let myself have a fifteen minute break every two hours or so.

I still have 1.5 more pages to write for my Spanish America ten-page paper (due on Monday), and I have to study like mad for my chemistry course --if I don't get a B or higher on the final on Wednesday, I wont pass the class. And because I've been so stressed about my paper (worth 25% of my grade) and my chem final that I haven't even started to study for my Hispanic linguistics final that is on Monday morning. I'm so screwed.

AHHHHHHH.

Oh, and to boot, I just realized why I'm feeling headache-y and unhappy and bitchy all week. Partly it is due to finals, but it also partly because finals week and lady week are one and the same for me this semester. I am going to be a fire-breathing dragon next week... ugh!!

 

Money woes. Will need to get a job soon... but there's nothing. Feeling like I will never get this book finished and that all my motivation has gone out the window.

 

I feel rubbish. On top of my usual problems these days, I also have a cold which is usually fine for me because I tend to just get the blocked/runny nose thing, but this time? Oh no. I also have to have a headache, my ears feel weird like they're blocked, my lips are cracked and dry, and I have this phlegm thing in my throat which is a right pain when I'm trying to sleep. Added to this, I have three uni deadlines this week. One is nearly done, I just need to edit it a bit, one I've done a draft of but I'm really not sure if I've done it right, and the other I haven't even started and don't know what I'm writing about. So yeah, lack of sleep and pressure of uni work and my usual problems just makes me feel wonderful, frickin' fantastic. Oh and I've just realised I only have two tissues left but I really can't face going out to buy some more.

 

I give up. Had enough of worrying through sleepless nights and toiling through payless days. I regret even going to uni because it's hindered rather than helped me. There's no point in this volunteering job because I'm never doing anything. So that's it. I quit. I give up. Drunk drivers who people over, a year of depression, a year travelling every day, two years of 80-hour weeks - they couldn't beat me. So well done to the economy on finally being the thing to beat me.

 

Something will come up for a man of your talents, Dante. Be sure to give yourself some time off from the hunt over the festive period.

Take it easy.

 

Maybe spend less time on formal applications and more time socialising with the right people. Since leaving university, virtually every opportunity I've had has come out of having a conversation with the right person, instead of formally submitting applications and things like that.

But yeah....definitely important to just relax, let things happen as they will. You can't change the world.

 

Haven't been feeling well lately, and I don't know why. Urgh.

 

Just watched Christopher Hitchens giving a talk in Texas. He's one of my favorite people, but recently he looks so weak and ill!

I will be very sad when he dies. The world is losing a good man every day here.

 

Same here. I don't know what the hell's happening to me. What luck that it happens on the first day of my X-mas holidays. D=

Well, I only had five hours of sleep last night, so that may have had something to do with it.

 

Christopher Hitchens is dead. Died last night. *Real sad face*

 

Art, Aaron: Thanks. I'm just having a really, really crap time. And me being me depression never seems too far away. I know I need to do something a bit mental to sort it out, but it's manifesting itself in really weird ways. I'm scared to make phone calls and answer the phone, of all things. There's a logical part of my brain that says I need to snap out of it, but there's this other part that's somehow controlling me and I'm making stupid choices as a result. I quit my voluntary job, for example. I spent a day in Newcastle on Wednesday and all that's done is left me with no desire to go anywhere or do anything.

I'll snap out of it at some point. Something will happen and I'll be able to kick it into touch, but I hate having to fight myself like this.

 

I'm like this all the time. That's partially why I don't have my phone on a lot. I'll turn my phone off when it starts ringing or pretend not to hear it. As for me making phone calls... yeah, it takes ages and I usually just don't make them. Anyway, hope you don't stay in that state for too long.

Can't sleep because I keep coughing. Urgh. This cold needs to go away.

 

I have a phone phobia too. I think it's a generational thing. But I've had jobs where talking on the phone was a necessity, so I guess I'm kinda getting over it slowly. Thank god for email though...

 

My girlfriend half-assed broke up with me because she doesn't know how she feels. Our relationship was fine, but now she's in college and she doesn't want to be confined in any relationship, but she feels like she still loves me. She avoids me on Facebook despite me making no effort to bother her. When we do talk it's clear that I'm the last person she wants to talk to and she doesn't have anything to say because she's the worst at deciphering her thoughts and feelings so she boxes them up and doesn't deal with them. She's a coward and she makes her situation worse by feeling bad about everything she does. Even if she could just NOT do stupid shit. She thinks maybe she can just figure things out and come back to me after the whole mess is over, maybe even after college is over. But I'm not going to wait four years for her to stop being a dumbass.

 

Eunoia, Aaron - I'm normally fine with it, which is why it's so annoying

Feel better today. I'm going to Sheffield to watch Town play. But my dad can't make it. I'll miss my usual companion. Plus, I haven't seen Town win when I travel by coach since 1995. So there's history to suggest this is going to be a wasted trip.

 

This is kinda weird...I feel really comfortable talking on the phone as I can't see the person's face at the other end. It's when I have 1 to 1 meetings with someone that a bit of awkwardness might come out, as generally I don't know what to do with my hands, and I feel awkward when it comes to eye contact.

I'd forget about her. It's unbelievable how common this is, when people go to college they want to do and have all the freedom that being at college offers. It is a bit cowardly of her to not just come out and say it though, instead she's just stringing you along.

 

Ahh. I think I might be slightly better if I was forced to do it but I'm not yet. Oh yeah, where would I be without email? Although, it can take me a while to pluck up the courage to just email someone about something. ;/

I just panic with phone calls and with anything face to face too, basically any interaction with people. Joys of social anxiety.

Good. She doesn't deserve you. She can't think she can just dump you and then pick up where you left off four years later. Sorry she's treated you like that.

 

Ever wrote a story about a depressed man and...got depressed? =( That's what happened to me just now. I was doing a little 1950s Noire-type setting featuring a depressed, disgruntled man who owns a diner and lives in a shamble apartment complex just above said diner.

I don't think I want to work on that story again, and I haven't even gotten to Scene Two of Chapter One!

 

Save it for when you are actually depressed, that's some emotional insurance right there.

 

It is? I thought working on a depressing story when you are actually depressed would...make you even MORE depressed.

 

I have the sore throat/phlegmy cold right now. Yesterday I felt like death, but I forced myself to go out with friends because i'd looked forward to it for weeks. I had a good time even though I couldn't finish my meal, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy to get home again, lol.

I have my second week of work placement tomorrow, so I'm *really* hoping it'll be much better by 6am tomorrow morning...