The Not Happy Thread

I'm so stressed I think I'm about to burst.

Long story short, I wrote a book for my little brother, for Christmas (75k words). Over the last two weeks, I've been editing for at least 12 hours a day (often more like 14 or 15) to get it done in time. My Dad was supposed to help me bind it tonight (because I have no idea how to do that sort of thing) and he just had a go at me for not getting it done by 4 pm Christmas Eve (I got it done by 5:10, instead) and now he's going out. He won't be back for a while, and if he binds it when he's done binding might not dry by morning. Argh.

If I have to, I'll just make it as a PDF and email it to him in the morning, but I am seriously pissed off that I've come this close and I may not succeed completely.

Also, my brain is fried from editing. And sleep deprivation. But mostly editing.

 

Well, yeah. Middle grade. My brother is ten.

 

Overindulged. Little else needs saying.

 

Shortest date in history. 'Scuse me while I go off and mope.

Oh, and she isn't 18 yet. Not going to stop me asking her out properly. Our date only came to an end because the coffee shop decided to shut and neither of us fancied what was on at the cinema.

 

I'm sick of waiting. I'm sick of overthinking things. I'm sick of feeling so easily upset over a guy when i know i shouldn't be. I'm sick of almost hanging out and doing something but then not being able to. Mainly though I'm so so so so sick of waiting and not really know what (if anything) is going on between me and said guy.

 

Aw that sucks. Hope the next date is better.

I don't know what's happened between you and the guy, but I hope things get sorted between you two. I think one of the worst things is not knowing where you stand with someone.

As for me, I'm just frustrated about things. And I think I may be depressed, although I may just be even unhappier, who knows. And I have to go out today and I really don't want to, despite it probably being a good thing as I haven't been out in a week.

 

Had indigestion AGAIN, so I could only sleep for three hours. =( Gumbo last night was too spicy, apparently.

 

Had another sleepless night from my flu, which probably has something to do with the food poisoning a few days ago. Though I have sleepless nights anyway now and then.

 

It doesn't matter how much time passes or how excellent you get at avoidance or how strong or beautiful you become or how hard you work or how far you run. Some demons just don't ever leave you alone.

Life sucks right now.

 

I agree mercurial with every sentiment.

Sometimes Life just sucks.

 

Girlfriend went home late last night and now I really miss her.

 

David Cameron has come to Maidenhead, to give a speech on the economy. As if things weren't bad enough already...

 

I can absolutely sympathise with that

 

Haha. I bet that will give you something to do.

 

Sadly I'm working today. But I'm working the social networks hard on it, as you've probably seen on facebook (with possibly a little bit of pimpage for my own blog...).

 

Yeah, I seen them - I enjoy reading them. And since I'm still technically on my holidays I've been following current UK politics a lot more closely than before.

Hey. It shows we care.

 

Once again I have to act as a punch-bag for some depressive who can't stand that life's going well for once, and needs to shake up some drama. What, you want a better life? Do what I did - shut up and do something about it. Life's too short to listen to your dramatic monologues about why life only sucks for you.

Oh, and by the same arsehole person, I was repeatedly called a "c*nt", and "pathetic little pissant" because I suggested he get the train somewhere instead of complaining that it's "impossible" because my mum can't drive him 100 miles for something his work wants him to do.

Oh, and I'm a "tart" because I decided to wear a bit of eyeshadow today. I have no confidence because all my life this very same person has told me I'm ugly or look like a whore whenever I wear something other than jeans and a t-shirt. I can't believe my family falls for this sh-t every time, and i'm supposed to take all this with a smile.

 

Well not in the greatest mood today. Last night I purchased a copy of Modern Warfare 3 and a sub to Xbox live. It totaled $129. I got a snack at McDonalds after I picked it up and I got too distracted by talking to my buddies that I got up from the table and left the game and the sub there It was 1 AM by the time I realized it was missing so I called back today and they don't have any record of it. Well that's my first and hopefully last blunder of the New Year

 

I have been having debilitating flashbacks and panic attacks every day for the past few weeks.

 

Wtf? Don't even bother with these kinds of people if possible.

Ouch. Done similar before, but only with a book or something. Hopefully it's the last time you make that mistake. :redface:

That's rough. I hope you feel better.

 

Oof. It's as if the more I try to break free of this inescapable cycle of depression, the more major setbacks will appear. I'm starting to have second thoughts about decisions previously made that I cannot change at this point without worsening my depression. It's terribly, terribly frustrating and maddening to see close friends achieve goals I've been working at for years--goals they themselves don't even care for! A real blow to the self-esteem, in any case. But I guess the only thing I can do is forgive, forget, and push onward? (Easier said than done.)

 

Try not to look at what others to achieve and yearn for it. Whenever we do this I notice we only look at the good side of what they've done - their triumphs, often they'll only tell you the good parts of their life, etc. They don't tell you those times where all they wanted to do was give up and go live under a stone. Just keep going at the pace you can do without sacrificing other parts of your life just to get it done faster. I'm no good at giving advice but I hope you feel better... depression is not a fun thing.

 

Started dating this girl somewhat over winter break. We've always known each other through an indirect way, and one night we really met each other when some of my friends started hanging out with friends of hers at a buddy's house. Could probably declare her as not only one of the most interesting people I've ever met. Hit it off and started hanging out, really felt the attraction. This only lasted for a few weeks as she had to go back north for college while I'm still in town working and schooling myself (writing as well). Only thing was, we weren't able to hang out the last few days she was here due to issues, nor talk even. I'm not big with texting, either.

Point is, I feel sort of shitty. Cliche', but we really did have a lot in common. Not just in personal interests but also experiences as well. Just a unique person. Problem is that the chance to see her again won't come until summer. She's going out of state in a few months to work some family business down south.

It never go to where we declared an official relationship - just dated. I just hope that when the opportunity rises again for us to be able to hang out that she hasn't forgotten about me, cause I don't think I'll be forgetting about her anytime soon.

Fuck.

And she has my Game of Thrones book.

My new car failed the emissions test as well. Have to fix that piece of junk someday.

 

I've been having near crippling depression lately - thank you Manic Depression! I don't need you now when I have an exam and presentation at the end of the month.

 

School is next week. I don't mind it, but I keep having dreams feasting on my insecurities of failure. I have dreams where I'm taking a big exam that's written in Ancient Babylonian script and I have to write my answer in said Ancient Babylonian script with exact spelling and grammar otherwise instant failure, or I realize I have a ten-page paper to do the day before I'm supposed to turn it in.