The Not Happy Thread

To tell you the truth, your isolation is your own doing, and it's only making matters worse. What you have is probably something we all have, and that's a fear of socialization, and it shows up in many forms, takes on many shapes. Prolonged periods of isolation, and I know this from experience, creates a vacuum where you begin to lie to yourself, and not only do you lie to yourself, but you believe the lie, and it then becomes real--absolute truth. Another thing to, and this is my own experience, is I've spent a majority of my life in 'lala' land, and still do frequently, having to remind myself to come back to reality. I've even taken it a step further and have figured out a sort of reprogramming that allows me to have such an awareness that can pick up on when I'm spending too much time away from reality and it tells me I need to pull myself back into the moment.

This has always been a result of me not being comfortable in my own skin. Not liking myself, not liking this reality, not feeling alright, for whatever reason. These feelings are normal. We all have them. Just some have them stronger than others. My solution may not be your solution, but I have one, and if you'd like to discuss how I managed to get myself out of the rabbit hole, which is nearly identical to yours, PM me anytime, and I would happily support you. Maybe help you to find your own solution.

I will say one thing though, about my solution, and it involves people. People are what gave me value, and they keep it in my life. We are creatures constantly searching for understanding, and that has never been a solitary journey. People may think it is, for one must travel inside in order to discover themselves, but that journey is not done alone. Other people will always have better insight into who you are than you do, so it comes from creating a balance between your own soul searching, and what your friends see in you and communicate themselves.

You're missing out on a huge and beautiful part of life, and it twists my heart to see your pain, because I've been there and I know, full and well, what it feels like. You're not cursed, nor are you unique. I once thought I was as well, until I discovered tons of others just like me. And then I stopped comparing myself, stopped getting hung up on the differences and the things that separate me from people, and I started focusing on the things that bring us together, things that connect us.

For we all breathe the same air.

We all have the same hearts.

We are human beings.

And we were never meant to live alone.

You are not alone.



Writers also pull from life experience. This may seem like a challenge, but I assure you it's not.

How can you think for even one moment you'll be able to write fiction that reads as if it's REAL, without ever going out and drinking in the world? tasting the stuffs of life? Getting to know what different situations feel like, what kinds of people there are? How do they talk? What kind of food they like to eat? How they love? How they hate?

Sure, you can lock yourself up and just 'learn' these things from other authors and books and stuff, but your fiction will show and read as if it's synthetic. It's always apparent when I hear someone attempting to describe something emotional they've never really experienced. It's not that people can't successfully relate, or empathize, purely on speculation, but even the speculation lacks the rich tone of passion that shows up when one is pulling from a vivid memory of their own.

As writers, we become great speculators, having to do this kind of thing often, but, at least in my opinion, if you look at the greatest writers, all of their stories were a combination of speculation, and real life experience.

 

One of the greatest pieces of advice I've ever been given deals with happiness being a choice. Someone out there in the world is happy, so why can't you be too?

We get sad, because we experience something that we don't really know how to handle, and it makes us feel a certain way. We then start thinking it's the end of the world, and that things will never get better, never be okay.

The truth is, you can be happy, and weather any storm, if you can simply tell yourself it's okay to be happy, because it is. Sometimes, it takes reminding yourself every morning, which I've done and still do.

We get in the way of ourselves, and buy into all this bullshit our mind wants to tell us, and then we take ourselves out of life by sitting in our sadness--our own shit.

Why? Because we've done so before, we know what it smells like, it's comfortable and warm, and fresh air and being clean is different, smells different, feels different.

So what would you rather do? Sit in shit? Or breathe fresh air and live clean?

The choice is yours. All you have to do is stand up.

 

I go back to the VA tomorrow to get the diagnosis on my hip. I'm afraid because I'm pretty sure that it is going to require surgery. I've never had surgery before, and that scares me. I'm going to do what needs doing, but goddamn, I'd just as soon play my guitar or go hiking. Hell, even work looks better.

 

I'm upset after hearing that the victim in the Delhi rape case died. I was so angry when I first heard the news and read about all the things that were done to her. I really hope all six of the men get life sentences.

 

grammar nazi's correcing me posts on every fourm >_>

 

Well, it's harder to read -- it takes more time to get through a sentence when you have to translate what is being said or you realize that the words or punctuation is incorrect. Especially on a writing forum, you should be aiming for the clearest, most concise, least distracting way of communicating your thoughts.

I don't enjoy reading posts that are filled with words and punctuation that violate the most elementary rules of spelling and grammar.

 

I wish you the best of luck on twitter and facebook, OMG Zqurl lukz fazy
Or you don't have these people as friends, that's an option as well.

 

Anyone who knows me, knows i'm really scared of going to the dentists. Anyway as of the last few weeks, ive seen the dentists 3 times. All the fillings are in, all i need are 3 wisdom teeth taken out.

How is this bad?

My lower right wisdom tooth is ....killing or was. Was sore when i went to bed on NYE, and this after noon was killing me. Took 6 codine(not smart - but the pain was the worst i have ever felt in my life). And they did not work.

Looks like the tooth is infected. If i put my glasses on, if i listen to music or if i talk, it flames up like a million bombs.

Just crushed panadol and rolled it around my motuh and it seems to work. Brandy helped for a while (not drinking).

Least the fever ans shakes are gone.

If someone had told me an infected took would hurt a million tikmes more than a kidney stone, i'd have been to the dentist LONG ago.

6 hours time i'll find out if i can take it out. Another day in this kind of pain.....it not worth considering.

 

I'm considering suicide again, truly want to do it, it hurts so bad...really, you can't imagine...I'm only 21, but living inside my head 24 hours a day is making me crazy. I can't go on anymore, it truly would be for the best. Think being alone all the time without any friends or close relations to your family. I cry 3 to 6 times a day & usually spend them reading & writing, making characters in my head, jumping into different souls & living through them...I'm quite certain I'm schizo for my imagine often takes me to odd places when I was 17 I was brought to a mental hospital after taking a load of sleeping pills & being caught by my nosy family, who I can still feel oozing their pesky presences in here now, it's the worst feeling as if you can feel them right over your shoulder watching you, seeping into your bloodstream, I hate it...the paranoia, the isolation, & the crazy head all just make this an easy decision.

I never even found true love when I've always considered myself a Romeo in a world of Drake's...haah that's life though I guess. I really do want to finish reading Infiinite Jest, then re-read Gravity's Rainbow & Ulysses before I go though...they seem like those "Universal" novels for when your depressions or situation in life is really in a jam...or maybe they just throw you off the grid when you realize you are already frozen so it doesn't matter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIOeErcqW5E
I think I want this song at my funeral.

 

Why not do something to make yourself feel better?
Such as go for a walk, or socialize with someone? Instead of sitting around doing nothing but thinking dark thoughts that are only going to make you feel worse.

Feeling shitty isn't combatted by living shitty. You gotta live good to feel good. It seems you've ignored my first post. And I'd hate to see you do something stupid, because you didn't want to try and help yourself. If you're feeling this way you should really tell someone about it, like your parents, who you accuse of being pesky and nosy, when you've created a situation that's probably got them worried shitless.

And here, I'm sure, they just love you.

If you weren't isolating, I'm sure they'd be leaving you alone.

If you were socializing with people, and doing healthy things, I'm sure they wouldn't be concerned.

And how do you expect to find love, if you're simply writing and reading all day, stuck in your head, not talking to anyone?

That sounds like someone who believes they will never taste milk, yet they live a block away from the store.

Do something different and get happy.

It's not just going to magically show up.

You got a roof over your head, a family around you, food in cabinets, internet, books to read and paper to write on.

My friend just killed himself because he didn't know how to get happy. He thought heroin was a solution.

In the last two years, I've lost seven friends the same way.

There are people who have NONE of what you have.

No friends, no family, no food, no internet, no place to sleep, no books, no pen, no paper, and I'm sure they do what they can to survive.

Take advantage of what you have, instead of letting it go, for there is potential inside of you. You just have to realize it's there.

I wish you well, and will pray that you wake from your sleep.

 

Just saying this because it'd be nice to get it off my chest. I left England to marry my now-husband, who is a US citizen. I'm waiting on my immigration permission to get a job, so Mike just occasionally gets a bit edgy about money. I put $1600 into his account when i first arrived, in good faith. We took ages to get me added to the account but I'm still struggling to adjust to his financial system, and he gets cross. Right now it's like I have to check any purchases with him because he has to know if there's enough money in such and such an account etc and I have no way of checking unless I visit the bank. Even though I put that money in, it feels almost like I'm having to ask his permission for it.
We got married in November, we still haven't been able to move into our house because it's still undergoing refurbishment so we're living with his parents. They are as a family more highly-strung than mine. My dad was so easygoing, I love him. Whereas sometimes I feel like leaving the room because a debate/argument's begun.
I miss home, I hope not to feel so homesick when I'm able to cook recipes that are familiar to me.
I'd love to get a cat, I'd been hanging on to the hope of getting a hypoallergenic cat because my father in law's allergic and since he's the one building our house, we couldn't really get a normal cat in good conscience as it'd mean he'd have to take medicine anytime he comes over. But I've had cats all my life, miss my tabby so much. A hypoallergenic cat might not even solve it, and Mike can't understand me when I say I can't just take in a cat and get it rehomed if it doesn't work out. For me a pet is for life, not as long as it's convenient. He's only ever had fish...he also wants a dog and insists they're 'easy' to look after. For me, it's hard because I know how hard it is to train a dog well. He pretty much said I don't know anything about it, last night, even though one of my schoolfriends was a german shepherd breeder and I used to see a lot of the difficulties. He wants to get a hypoallergenic dog called native american indian dog that's a lot like german shepherds and huskies...
My mother in law found out about the potential cost of a purebred siberian cat and...well, it got into a pretty cold discussion...
I'm also struggling with the religious aspect, they're religious, I'm not. I thought Mike accepted that about me, he said he had, but when I admitted that I struggle with the idea of going to church with him every Sunday, he admitted it disappointed him and that he knew he'd get asked about it by his fellow churchgoers. Sigh...the best i can do is find somewhere to volunteer every Sunday so i have a good excuse, like maybe an animal shelter. I just can't pray and worship when I'm historically-inclined in such a way that 'Jesus' is simply a part of past if he even existed, so why should I pray to him?
It makes me miss England and my old lifestyle so much, I'm just hanging onto a hope that it'll be easier when the house is finished, I can get a job, and feel a bit more free.

 

Got run over by a bike. I'm ok though, just a bruise on my left leg

 

You don't need an excuse. You were honest about your lack of belief or serious devotion, so there is no need for you to make excuses or pretend. If he or his family doesn't accept this fact, then that's their problem.

And as for the rest of it, just hang in there. Time will fix everything...just remember to be strong; you don't have to bend to your new family's will. Also, I don't want to presume too much, but be a little more assertive when it comes to financial decisions, especially when it's your money that's in question.

Good luck!

 

Yesterday we said goodbye to Smudge. She was a 16 year old dalmatian and my husband's dog. We buried her in his parent's yard while rain poured down on us.

 

Hang in there, Tessa. And Cerebral is right.

What part of the U.S. are you living in now? Is there a writing group you could join?

 

I've broken my foot Crutches are an awful mode of transport. And I am not impressed at having to inject myself in the belly every day!

The worst thing is that I did it by just tripping in the street as I was walking home from work - not even an interesting tale to tell!

 

This world is a devastating place...

Just found out a guy I went to school with got brutally murdered a few miles from where I live today. If it's the name I know correctly, I saw him a lot on the playground in elementary school and he was an easy target for bullies.

There's a lot of about him on my local news and from the info so far his situation wasn't good to begin with. It's shocking to say the least. His family will be in my prayers.

 

That's awful. I'm sorry to hear that.

 

Thank you, Lemex.

My stomach is in knots because more info was released, and one of the killers was the brother of a girl who used to bully me and my sister at school. It's a very messed up sad situation.

 

Murder always is.

 

I wasn't going to gripe. But I am. At the end of last year I had to walk into a hospital room and tell my bf that they want to cut his legs off. Worst day of my life. But now we are fighting to save them and I haven't had a decent night sleep in over a month. I'm so tired - I'm literally sick. There. It's said. I'm selfish and I want to sleep.

 

You're not selfish, just tired and worried. But, if you want to help your friend, you've also got to help yourself. Give yourself a break. You're human - be a bit kinder to yourself. That'll help him in the long run.

 

Got to get up early tomorrow because of bus times and I don't even know if I've got work tomorrow morning or not. I emailed them a couple of days ago and tried calling them several times today to try and find out but no reply. Sigh. I'm wondering if this casual job is worth it but I suppose if it keeps me away from the job centre then it is.

 

Thank you evelon.

 

I'm really, really worried about my friend.

She's had a rough year and has confessed to me that she's thinking of trying to commit suicide again. We're best friends with each other because we respect one another's personal space; we hang out once a week, usually. I haven't heard from her for over a month. Normally this wouldn't have me so freaked out, but she hasn't been returning my calls for that whole time. I tired emailing her, too. Nothing. I'm wondering if I should head over her house, just to ease my mind. Yet I don't want her to think I'm pushing the boundaries of our friendship by being overly concerned.

I don't know what to do.