The Not Happy Thread

Just confirmed a hunch... a good friend of mine had been talking/complaining about me behind my back. I'm not amused and I have no idea what to do about it since I'm not supposed to know...
Anyone has some advice? If you want the whole story.. pm me since I'm not keen to put it here (since I do not want to do the same)

 

Well, at least you know he or she isn't as good a friend as you thought. Better to know than not.

 

Call them out or forget about it all together. They put the ball in their court by blabbing in the first place. Why should you hold any responsibility for hearing what they said? Face to face or none at all. Lying and bullshitting is what got you here in the first place.

 

I'm going to miss the hell out of my dog. I hope she can't comprehend what is going on between her parents.

 

No visiting rights then?

My son moved out 6 years ago now. My dogs are happy, well adjusted. But they freak out when they see him again.

When I was a kid my uncle moved into an apartment they couldn't take dogs so she passed to us. Same reaction, no matter the time between visits, dogs move on but they don't forget.

Caveat: depending on the dog/breed? An ex-boyfriend of mine gave his dog up and years later the dog hardly recognized him. That was a pretty stupid dog in the first place though.

 

James Gandolfini, the actor who played Tony Soprano on The Sopranos, is dead. He was an amazing actor and did an incredible job in one of the greatest shows of all time. RIP.

 

We're gonna miss you T. Mind the fishes!

very sad news and only 51

 

When people are talking behind your back you know you're going in the right direction!

 

I work in a movie theater.

I was at the concession stand, and there was this woman who ordered food. I told her it would be about four minutes to prepare. She said she was okay with this.

Can we please talk about the fact that this witch wanted me written up and fired because it took five minutes to make instead of four?

 

I heard this earlier tonight and just couldn't believe it. And like erebh, I noted he was only 51. So very sad.

 

Fired?! That's horrible!

Don't let them get you down.

 

It probably would've gotten me more upset if my manager hadn't turn around, looked at me, rolled his eyes in exasperation and walked away muttering "some people are morons."

 

Try Whole Foods if you have one in your area. They hire a lot of young people struggling in the job market.

 

I had this bizarre dream last night that I'd run into him twice in person and they showed the clips on CNN (fell asleep with the channel on and I'm sure my dreams incorporated what I was hearing). Then I had to come post about it in the Gandolfini thread. It was so real, I woke up thinking, eeek, did I post that?

Weird

 

I'm at the end of my rope with people. I just got told "your mind is disabled too," "you must hate yourself" "you're so negative" all because I commented on a quote that said "the body achieves what the mind believes" and said it was wrong and harmful to people who are disabled and handicapped. No one wants to hear someone telling them "If you just believe hard enough the pain and problems will go away by sheer force of will!"

Normally I ignore things like this but I felt too strongly about it to let it lie and it's deeply offensive someone said that crap to me. I shouldn't care because it's a total stranger. It just makes me angry to my core to see this attitude consistently spread that you can just name it and claim it. Life doesn't work that way and it's just kicking someone while they're down to tell them if they just tried harder they could do it.

 

What can you do when someone's head is so far up his ass he can see the back of his teeth?

Let it go. You'll have more success teaching artichokes to sing barbershop.

 

Sweetie, you have to let it go. I know how it feels to have someone speak about the paradigm in which you live as if they know it better than you. I know that cold, slippery feel of arrogance as it slides past your skin. I know it too well. Let it go and remember that only you know the inner clockwork of you. Yours is a knowledge. All else is opinion. And you know what they say about opinions....

 

True. Also a very apt description.

I know I know. I don't know why I just cried when I read this. I just got so mad I couldn't see straight. Especially when I found out several people including the damn page it was on liked the whole "you must hate yourself be mentally disabled too" etc. I just commented on their page and said "You do realize you could have just banned me or blocked me rather than doing that, right?" This after multiple passive aggressive status updates about arguing from them. People refusing to be straightforward and being passive aggressive is one of the hugest pet peeves I have.

Guh... I know. I hate it. I hate that I let them get to me. Normally I can just let it be and move on. I was having a really horrible night last night. I was hurting so much I felt like I was going to throw up and this was the straw the broke the camel's back. I wish I hadn't messed with it. I know good and well people rarely listen to others and I still engaged. Yeah I just deleted the comment I left on their profile. It took a lot to do it but I don't want to mess with these idiots any more.

Lesson learned I don't think I will be liking any more facebook pages that are about being positive. So many of the positivity junkies are the same people who stick their heads in the sand about life and lack the ability to be realistic about anything or just think they are all around morally superior to everyone else for being "positive".

Well, they can go have a great life with their blind denial and illusion of superiority. I'm going to go make an awesome painting I've been wanting to make for a few days.

 

Sometimes "be positive" means "I don't want to hear about your problems, you depress me." All sung in a single note: mi-mi-MI-mi-MI.

Personally, I am pretty positive. But that doesn't mean I try to shame anyone whose burden seems too much to bear. So I'm no Mary Sunshine Pollyanna; I'll gladly tell someone to kiss my ass if they're being a right bastid, and I'll lend a hand to anyone who isn't being a pud at the moment.

 

[MENTION=18047]TerraIncognita[/MENTION] - Never let a stupid or bigoted or selfish person upset you. Sometimes they will, but resist it. Because they are not worth it.

As the father of two developmentally disabled adults, I happen to have a special appreciation for your point. Over the years, doing advocacy work, I've run into a lot of parents who were only too happy to believe this kind of nonsense ("Just believe and..."). They were also the ones who were willing to believe in things like "facilitative communication" and similar fairy tales. Anything rather than believe that they had signed on to a lifetime of finding, securing and maintaining a support system for their child with a disability. My wife, who has spent the past 21 years teaching children with autism, has a favorite expression for parents in denial - "You have twenty minutes to grieve. Then you have work to do."

There are a lot of so-called professionals out there who try to create programs whereby developmentally disabled adults can "follow their dreams." In the meantime, they lose the ability to work at least semi-independently and they end up needing assistance with far more than they otherwise might.

So, take a deep breath and keep telling the truth.

 

Truer words were never spoken. It's frustrating for me because I do try to be positive and see the bright side. I do believe it can make a big difference but I don't feel it's limitless and that I will never have slumps. So when someone comes and tells me I'm not trying hard enough when I've cut people out of my life that dragged me down, surrounded myself with good people who are uplifting to me, and worked my ass off to change how I view things it's pretty insulting.

In reality I know I can't take it personally.. these people have no idea about any of my life or what I've had to fight through and muddle through to get where I am. There are definitely times when the burdens overwhelm me and I've accepted that's just human and part of living with something so huge that alters my life so much. It's just not realistic to say you will never have bad days where you just want to give up. It's realistic to do your very best and be happy with the knowledge that you did your best. It really doesn't matter how many times a person falls down but that they get back up. I take a few days (if it's a particularly bad time) then I get back up, dust myself off, and try again. It's all you can do and really all you can expect of others.

I don't feel you ought to ever look down on another person unless you are reaching down to help them up. Also the reality is you just can't be nice to everyone. Some people are more than happy to take advantage of your kindness. It's all about balance. Help the people who appreciate it and won't drain you dry and tell off the ones who just want to use you until there's nothing left.

You're definitely right about that.

I really like that expression. It's something I had to put into practice during treatment. There comes a point where you reach that crossroads. You have to set aside your grief and fears and buckle down to do what has to be done. Sometimes you have to make hard choices and that's a harsh reality that no amount of positive thinking will change. I was three months out of my second major surgery and had to decide when I wanted to start radiation treatments. I was nineteen at the time. I decided to push forward and do it the second I was well enough to handle it. It was a rough journey but I don't regret fighting because I'm still here today.

It also makes me mad because it feels like people want to make other's problems invisible for the sake of their own comfort and fears. Yes, disability is difficult and frightening but my life is not over because of it. I don't like being made to feel like my problems are too revolting for people to acknowledge. Pain does a number on your psyche and there are days that really shows with me. What I need on those days is people reminding me about the good things in my life and embracing me not putting me down and dictating to me how I should feel or how I supposedly feel about myself as a human being. Telling someone to work harder and it will fix all their ailments is a fairytale and it's kicking someone while they're down.

Deep down I know I don't have to justify anything to a group of hateful strangers who probably couldn't find their own behinds with detailed GPS coordinates. It was just one of those days. I really appreciate your reply. It's good to hear there's others who have to face this sort of thing. It makes me feel like I'm not doing this alone. Which is also why I'm pretty much an open book about my life. I've had a lot of people tell me I was an encouragement to them and that feels great. It feels like having to go through all of that wasn't for nothing. Plus if people are willing to be educated that is always a very positive and great thing. Educating people helps remove the fear of the unknown and helps people to be more sensitive. Again, those who are willing.

All in all I'm starting to learn the futility of engaging people like that and learning that I can't let every stranger that says something wretched get me in knots. There will be plenty more people who say awful things. I need to hang onto the people who are good to me. That is for sure. Picking your battles is important as well.

 

I miss the heyday of this place, I admit. When I first started here, I met a lot of people that I was able to have quite a number of fascinating conversations with - now a lot of them have left or they aren't as active, and this place is slower. The new threads don't focus on discussion so much as they do on endless arguing and angry words with everyone else. In other words, I feel like this place is going the way of every other forum; it's devolving from conversation for conversation's sake to a deathmatch to win arguments that ultimately don't matter all that much.

 

I just discovered that one of my pain meds may be causing blood pressure problems. This sucks because this particular pain med was helping me reduce the amount of opiates I'm on (and, consequently, the side effects of those opiates). Now, I have to reduce it. Damn! I'm not happy.

 

This too shall pass, Gigi. Fascinating conversations are still here to be had, you just have to avoid the trip lines of the funnel-web spiders.

Back when I was a mod, the mod team had to deal with that band of Orcs from that "I've been banned" forum who took a molten asphalt joy in trolling the internet for picture of me and my husband to post on their own web forum and snicker and point in a most australopithecine way at "the two fags." It pissed me off, of course, but then that melted into pity that this kind of joy was all that life had to offer them. They came and they went.

 

Wow! That sucks. The social Net is such a bizarre place.

I'm trying to limit my replies on the political threads. They aren't the most productive threads.

But I don't think disagreement, even that which makes some people react childishly and some that makes thread lurkers uncomfortable, necessarily means an unproductive discussion.