The Not Happy Thread

Woo-hoo! I thought I had a ton of grading to do today, but I don't!



because I brought the wrong class folder home and school is completely closed on Sundays.

 

As some of you know, I've been struggling with addiction. Caffeine and nicotine, mostly. I keep saying, "This is the last drink. This is the last cigarette." Then there's always an excuse.

I'm done saying I'm going to quit, because I prove myself wrong on that front every time. I'm confused, and I can feel a headache coming on, and I'm scared of the pain. I'm also scared that I'm going to end up going back to cigarettes and caffeine.

Consciously, I recognize what it does to my health. I'm aware it's bad. I'm also aware it's very simple to not buy another pack or another can. It's simple, but it isn't easy. All the excuses are very tempting, especially as I'm coming down from those subtle highs I get from my addictions. Walking past the soda aisle or the gas station is a test of will.

I feel stuck, damned either way I go. Your prayers, thoughts, and what have you are appreciated, because right now I feel lost.

 

My thoughts and best wishes, @Sclavus. I know what addiction is like, and it's no fun once it ruins your health. Lay off the stuff and get yourself strong again.

 

!

 

@Sclavus: Knowing that there are many other people that you've never even met care about YOU is s good starter to handling whatever negative emotional feelings that you have. Unfortunately it's the more intelligent, compassionate and creative people who are most likely to struggle with powerful emotions, both good and bad. The pendulum swings back and forth between I'm OK and I'm not OK all the time, for most everyone but historically it's the creative people who have the hardest time with that swing since their pendulum covers a wider arc. On a positive note, if your own pendulum didn't swing over that wider arc you wouldn't be so creative. You'll beat your enemy because you know him - he's a damnable pest for sure, but not so smart. Eventually and inevitably he will lose. Please keep that last thought uppermost in your mind - that you will win is a foregone conclusion.

 

@Blouse: I think everyone on this forum is there for you, you just can't see or touch them so they may not feel real to you, but they are real. Many of us know what it's like to crash smack dab into nothing but darkness and hit the bottom. It's damned hard too, that bottom. Whatever it was that knocked the stuffing out of you can't do any more than that and it sure can't keep you down there on the bottom. Loneliness, and feeling alone are really crappy feelings but they only have the power you allow them to have. That sounds glib and sugary-nanny like, I know, but it is also true. You WILL get up again. Use every tool at your disposal to enjoy whatever you enjoy doing and try to get out of the house when you can, even though you won't feel like it. This may sound crazy, but doing what you 'really can't be bothered to do' when you're down, just about out, and feeling so desperately alone really does help.
I care, we all care.

 

I truly hate getting upset. The surge of adrenaline is too much and it takes too long to leave my body. I guess I will have to ride this one out.

 

Missing my ex- something fierce. We still talk and are civil, after almost two months apart, but each word stings when it isn't wrapped in her soft love as it was before. Regrets don't help, nor does self-examination.

Stay strong, Sclavus. That excuse you find, that's your AV talking, trying to rationalize the irrational.

Get a non-'scrip painkiller for your headaches, and suck it up through the first week or two. Few things worth doing are easy to do, but you can do this. Recovering alcoholic here.

 

Recovering alcoholic here, too. You're getting support from people who know what they're talking about, @Sclavus. Hang in there.

 

I hit my heaviest-ever recorded weight this morning.

I want to lose about 35 pounds, but I work irregular hours, and "up in the morning with the rising sun" doesn't give enough time for PT when sunrise is seven minutes before I need to step out the door for work.

I know it's sloth, but even my inner drill instructor has been forced to admit that getting out of a warm bed to go run in the darkness at near-freezing temperatures is a stretch for someone my age.

But something has to change.

 

@Iain Aschendale : I have the opposite problem - I'm down to 90 pounds and can't put weight on. Care to trade a bit?

 

Will do, PM me your address and I'll get about 20 pounds in the mail to you ASAP

 

@Iain: Thanks Iain.
(Hope you do manage to drop some weight.)

 

Like @Ian Aschendale, I'm now my heaviest ever weight, and struggling to give up alcohol, which causes numerous problems, one being ill-health and weight gain.

I don't want to go full sober, as I do enjoy taking the wife out for a glass of wine every now and then, I just wish I could be one of those social drinkers that doesn't drink during the week, and the weekend drinking is a rare occasion, not as I am right now where I have Monday and maybe Tuesday off, then there is some reason it's Wed<Sunday :|

Feel so ashamed at times.

 

I don't think too much of my weight is alcohol related, but it certainly isn't helping. I suspect that cutting out the excess sugary crap would help quite a bit, ditching dessert, swapping black coffee for Red Bull for my morning caffeine fix, stuff like that. Barring (or in addition to, or even more importantly) I've got to get out and exercise, cold and dark or not.

 

As I understand the current research, there really isn't much connection between exercise and losing weight. There are lots of other health-related reasons to exercise, but weight is almost always going to depend on adjusting calories in, not calories out.

 

My personal experience suggests that exercise helps me lose weight, but I'm not up to date on the latest research. I do weigh myself every morning and note each evening what, if any, exercise above and beyond my normal baseline activity I've done, and there's a strong correlation between higher levels of aerobic activity and weight loss. There are, of course, a lot of other factors beyond that and diet, seasons and weather to name two, but exercise does seem to help me.

 

Fair enough. (Although - are you suggesting that you can chart meaningful weight loss on a daily scale? You think beyond just water-weight? If so, I'm jealous!)

 

Well, I wake up, relieve myself as much as possible, and weigh in nude first thing every morning. There are definite anomalies, but the trends are fairly clear. I'm male (and I hope I'm not unfairly stereotyping) so less susceptible to cyclical water-weight changes.

I think, I mean, really, that's just what the commercials tell me women have to deal with
ETA My records go back seven years, or they did until I lost 2016 and most of 2017 to a corrupted and unrecoverable file. Needless to say, I'm backing up more frequently and to more locations now.

 

I'm not a stickler for daily records, but exercising quite a lot means eating quite a lot, and I've the weight I have in my early twenties. Exercise also helps with alcohol intake. Since I started exercising a year back my craving gusto for a cidre after work has disappeared. Though I do enjoy a glass of wine when with friends.

 

Me too, but unfortunately I stacked the weight I had in my late twenties on top of it, just like the years, to get me to my current plush self

But! I just got back from a short run, only about 3k, but since it's the first in months, I feel justified in keeping things light.

It was fun walking out my cool-down. 6C, according to my app, and the look on the face of the person in a quilted jacket, gloves, hat and scarf (no, @big soft moose, of course they weren't wearing pants) when they saw me in shorts and a t-shirt at 6am.....

 

I finally called my mother out on her shitty behavior - always making me feel small.

Bad idea.

Now she's playing the victim and I feel double pain! Why couldn't I have just shut up like I've done these past 15 odd years?