All writers doubt themselves. It's pretty much part of becoming a writer. If you want to read about a great writer's experience with self-doubt, check out Kafka's Diaries. It gives some great insight into why he didn't publish as much during his life and why he felt he was inadequate as an artist. To address your question about comparing myself to other writers, I'll point out that I used to compare myself to great writers all the time when I was younger. Truth be told, this was probably the source of most of my self-doubt. It's easy to forget that these great writers spent years and years honing their craft. It's also easy to forget that some writers produce their best work later in life. Everyone's circumstances are different, so comparing yourself to others is not only harmful but pointless as well. This is something all aspiring writers have to accept at some point in their lives. I know it's easier said than done, but as I said before, all writers doubt themselves. So you aren't alone in this.
Have some minor successes. Write some 'small' stuff. Some flash fiction, a short story. Post it for feedback. Once you get the feedback - polish it. Most writers feel totally inadequate looking at their first draft. They feel panicky and horrible like a failure. But it's a little like looking at an oil paintings first layer. A person who doesn't understand art could say - well it's crap, don't quit your day job, but the artist knows it's not finished. You have to get to that realization. Nobody paints the Mona Lisa in one layer - first go. As for originality - be okay with familiar tropes, and familiar plots - the secret to being original is in the writing not in the idea.
Personally, I just accept my ideas are unoriginal, uninspired, and any other "un - word" you can think of and I write anyway. Once you give up trying to be good, you are free to actually write. From there, you can eventually start to just enjoy the journey.
Oh man I'm so glad I posted this. You all are incredibly helpful. I definitely think a problem I have is all through my childhood I had teachers tell me how great my writing was, and because I had no perspective I compared my writing to the best authors and of course always fell short, so it was always this weird juxtaposition of being told I was great and then thinking that meant I had to be as good as published authors. Also my family has it in their heads that I'm going to write some amazing fantastic series that will make us all rich and I'm just over here like "You guys have extremely unrealistic expectations for me" and so I feel like if I write something crappy it's letting them all down. Which makes me just not write! I originally started my fantasy story because I hated the Eragon series and I was 15 and I was like "Look I can write a book!" Which lol didn't happen. And it's evolved from a bad LOTR to this weird urban fantasy thing that is nothing like the original. My characters are so important to me that I'm afraid to write it because I know my first works will suck and I don't want it to suck, yknow? Oh and in terms of medication, I haven't had insurance for a while but I get it for free because of the fetus within me and my first appointment is next week, so I'll be asking about it then. I definitely self medicate(d), I never got high for fun. It was just to feel like a human. Which is a sucky addiction to try to get over. Thank you guys so much for your responses. Seriously.
I just went running. When I got home I was like I HAVE ALL THE BEST WRITING IDEAS AND I'M GONNA DO THEM. Exercise really helps me with self doubt.
just thought I'd jump in and say I understand. I used writing as a form of therapy. I still do, it distracts my mind. As a part of my recovery my nurse told me to take up a hobby, a positive one for mindfulness. Along with meds it really does keep your mind distracted and helps a hell of a lot. You just have to find stuff to write about, even if you blog or something. Also, boo to low self esteem. You can write this. Don't give two craps about others, I did and it made me ill. Life's too short to stop what you want to do. You literally have to turn round and say no to it.
Exactly. Don't waste a moment's thought on all the bullcrap reasons why you shouldn't write. Do what you want to do, don't worry about the rest.
Or H.P. Lovecraft. He was crazy self-deprecating. His Call of Cthulhu, one of the horror genre's short story masterpieces he once called essentially waste paper he wish he never wrote.
You're such a treasure trove of literary knowledge. You remind me of my old English Lit tutor from college; he used to come out with all kinds of interesting and historical facts as well.
Thank you. I am an English teacher. I could be him, having gone back in time during my future to teach you, for some reason. But no, I'm glad you like my little factos.
Here's a question to those who have neared or finished the last draft of a novel. Do you think it's OK to finish fatigued? Often, we talk about "taking a step back." Going for a long walk or taking a month off from a WIP. My question- does the reverse ever apply? Is it ever beneficial to push through, even when one is starting to feel generally tired(or sick) of the work? I'm not talking about the first draft, but more about the last to last few drafts, when completion is in sight. If this were a sport, or a homework assignment, or a work related project, the answer would be yes, push through. But what about writing fiction, which I feel is partly an art? Is it OK (or even necessary) to end your work, sick to death of it, or is that going to result in a poorly finished novel? The way I personally feel about it is that no work (or at least most) can be infinitely inspired, if for no other reason that the writer is always getting older and changing and new events are constantly occurring in ones life. Therefor, it is beneficial to try to finish within a realistic timeframe, even if that means pushing through fatigue and a resulting indifference. My fear is that the work may end up uninspired and or sloppy? Maybe this is an unrealistic fear, considering the bulk of the work was done while still feeling fresh, and beta readers/editors are going to help clean it up anyway? I've never finished a final draft of a novel before, so I would welcome all advice. Thanks in advance for comments.
As someone who has coached people and competed myself, I'm going to disagree with "pushing through" when it comes to sport. It's far better to under train than over train, and you need to strike a fine balance between overload and recovery, to allow supercompensation and a subsequent increase in fitness to occur. I think pushing through when you see warning signs (tired or sick of the work) could be dangerous. As soon as you start disliking your creation, it seems unlikely to me that you are going to do your best. Physical activity can have remarkably positive impacts on mental state, and taking breaks, going for walks, etc would be my first suggestion for flagging energy levels or give a shit about a WIP.
So when you're in the middle of a competition, you don't push through??? I'm not talking about training. I'm talking about what you've been training for. The last hurdle. Edited to add: even when training for a sport, sometimes you need to push through, so that you are able to push through come competition. This is pretty much a fact.
Two things. One, it's very daunting to declare something as large an undertaking as a novel "finished", so you're in good company. Two, even when you're "finished", you're probably not, especially if you want to be traditionally published. I think the answer to your question is, yes, when you are near the end, there is every reason to push through. You need to see that final product, even if it isn't really final. Because when you go to pitch your novel, you'll be amazed at how many people will want to change it (even those who've never read it and only know what you're pitching). I suspect that if Mark Twain were here today pitching Huckleberry Finn, someone would say, "Ya know, Mr. Clemens, that's a helluva story idea ya have there, but, really, nobody wants to read about some kid in Missouri. Why not set it in...New Jersey! Yeah! He can raft down the Passaic River, maybe run into a couple of goombahs!" Good luck.
It really depends. It's important to take a long-term view. If you are unwell / over trained and push through - even if it's a competition, and come down with mono, you could put yourself out of action for years. Not worth it then, not by a long shot. You'll always get another crack at it, it's not like this is the last race you'll ever do. I've pushed through before, no question, and did not suffer ongoing consequences, but if you're doing it for a hobby, and the only pressure is one you are generating, then I think the joy of the journey has been lost or temporarily misplaced. It sounds to me like you've already made up your mind and you want someone(s) to help you justify pushing through even if the result is not the best you could do from a rested, energetic, enthusiastic state of being?
No I'm on the fence, I just think we got too caught up in the analogy here. If the goal of finishing a novel is to published (it is) then I'm talking about competitive sport, which is more than just a hobby. If you gas out in practice, then you're going to gas out in competition, when you're under pressure. This isn't really debatable :/ obviously over training exists and rest is certainly a necessary element, including week before an event, which is why I brought up the question in the first place. Again, we're getting lost in the analogy. How did you finish your final draft? I'm assuming inspired. Also, did you finish in what what you considered to be a realistic timeframe?
You seemed very confident of something you have no experience in (like the photography is easy claim) and I thought I'd shed some light from sporting experience. Gassing out during training does not predict gassing out in competition, as it depends on your state of recovery, so again, no, it is debateable, and definitely nothing to do with reality. I have never written a novel, which is why I am speaking only from the analogous aspect of sport. I think the analogy fits. I'll bow out. To be honest I did not consider your filter strongly enough and realise you're only interested in hearing from people who have finished a final draft.
How do you know what I'm experienced in? What kind of coach are you and what are you coaching? You'll forgive me if I listen to my own coaches , who coach in world competitions, over you, I hope?
Everyone writes differently, but I, personally, have to push through to the end of the novel. I almost always have a set schedule when writing a novel (usually about 3 months). Because of my background in screenwriting I do an excessive amount of outlining so writers block is rarely a problem. I feel like if I were to stop, I'd have a hard time picking it back up again. On the downside, this usually this makes for a very rough first draft and a much more brutal editing phase. Perhaps moving slowly and taking breaks would help with a cleaner first draft. However, I'd rather get the book on paper, take a 3-6 month break on it, and come back to it with fresh eyes. And yes, I almost always feel very fatigued when I finish a draft.
