For fellow golfers - links-style courses. If you can't afford trees, build a gravel pit, not a golf course.
The use of personification / anthropomorphism. As someone who loves creative writing so much, especially poetry, this literary device really shouldn't annoy me, but there's an action scene in India Jones and the Last Crusade when Indie screams to Sallah, "Where'e my Dad?" to which Sallah replies, "They have him in the belly of that iron beast." At which point I can never resist saying cynically to the TV screen, "So, inside the tank, then?"
My clients (sometimes). Due to the instability of the market in the past, our investment department now offers a sort of insurance on investments. If your investment isn't hitting a certain percentage after three months, you can withdraw it. If your investment loses money in the first three months, you get your full investment back, plus a small percentage of interest on it. I just finished talking with a client, who I told all of this to, and he still would rather keep his retirement money in a savings account that's currently making him 0.01% interest instead of even just talking to an investment rep. I'm not going to give the rates for our investment packages, as that may give away where I work, but we'll just say that they're pretty far above that...
Politics... Like that old cocaine commercial: I argue politics, so I can be mad at something, so I can hate somebody, so I can argue more politics, so I can be mad at something, so I can hate somebody, so I can argue more politics...
Oh God, don’t even get me started on politics. With enough beer, I turn into Joseph Stalin. >__> Uh, I knew he was a bad guy, OK.
I know what there isn't enough of. There isn't enough cocaine in Columbia for me to sit and jaw jack about it every day for the rest of my life.
<quickly shaves off the mustache and throws away the vodka> Uh... I am Link the Writer who is also an Orca. NOT Zombie!Joseph Stalin. Anywhoooo... I’m mildly irritated that we’ve little to nothing to do at work. I mean, I don’t mind breaks every now and then, but c’mon! I’m not paid to sit on my ass and surf the net! I’m paid to test soil samples! D:<
Link (performing test): Yep, this is dirt. Next! (Link's boss gives him another bag of dirt.) Link (performs test): This is also dirt. You know, boss, it's great having such an important and challenging job. I feel so fulfilled! Wouldn't it be cool if the whole planet was made of dirt? That would just blow my mind. (Sorry, Link!)
It really irritates me when people put kisses at the end of every message they send. Like, you're having a to-and-fro text message conversation with somebody, and every time they reply, there's a kiss at the end. Do you kiss somebody every time you take a turn in a verbal conversation? No? Then why put kisses at the end of every message?!