Things That Annoy Me, But Shouldn't

Seems fine to me...

 

Who says that???

 

It's a well-known feature of African-American Vernacular English (which I just now learned "Ebonics" is not a generally accepted term for).

 

Either annoy me, but perhaps they should. The least we could do for our crimes is teach them to fcuk speaking English!

 

Really? I've heard black people use "ebonics" as well as white. It seems at least somewhat accepted.

 

Apparently the term (ETA: Ebonics) was originally applied to all English dialects spoken by enslaved Africans and their descendants, so it would be as much for Afro-Carribean English as that spoken in New York, Detroit, or Los Angeles. "African-American Vernacular English" is more specific (providing you accept the usage of "America" to mean the United States and possibly Canada).

 

Just children in general on TV. I think it's their high pitched voices, general lack of coordination, and odd body proportions that make me feel like humans under the age of 16 and haven't been sprung from my loins are some sort of abomination unto the lord. I'd rather listen to my dog play with his chew toy for 40 minutes than watch some pre-teen dreck.

 

As one person said once on the internet, children are just tiny drunk people.

 

A friend of mine, thirty-odd years ago, said that all children looked to be under the influence of a certain psychedelic that I won't mention just yet. Playing with their toes, having conversations with stuffed animals and beings not visually present...

 

Thank you so much for turning me onto this comedian, fucking amazing!

 

Wild animal rescue operations.

 

I don't disagree, but to add: Rescue operations for people involved in "extreme" sports. Try to climb Everest (or whatever), there oughta be a "fuck you, you're on your own" circle drawn around the peak, and it should be a big one.

 

People questioning me.

Waking up with the sun shining, blue skies and birds chirping.

And wind messing up my hair.

 

This, exactly! If you wanna put your own life at risk doing something idiotic and unnecessary, that's fine, but don't drag other people into it.

 

Probably I will now say 'aks' at every opportunity. Hardly offensive compared to 'haitch.' Kneejerk alert, speaker is moron, breathe, stop, stop, no.

 

Lamp switches never in the same place twice

 

Have you been drinking?

 

Yup, when he goes all linear and coherent you know the shit's about to hit the fan.

 

SOBBING IN MY DRESSING GOWN

 

Just don't blow your nose into your ears again!

 

You mean when I was deaf after the bath? I have been taking baths since I was a child. This one time I came out of the bath and I was deaf for three months. The job interview was a disaster.

'How are you?'

'I'm deaf after my bath, y'see the waters in my ears and so if I don't understand every question it's because of the bath waters.' I never got the job and it was like a job for idiots. I was disappointed and depressed until my ears popped.

 

Tbe words 'do not attempt' at the bottom of the TV screen. OK, I guess I won't try to feed a chicken to a crocodile. How stupid do you think I am?