Things That Annoy Me, But Shouldn't

This reminds me.

The way "five stars" has now become the rating everyone expects for just doing what they are expected to do.

Did your taxi get you to your destination without killing you? Five stars.
Did you get exactly what you ordered, not something different? Five stars.
Was your food edible, and didn't give you salmonella? Five stars.

NO, goddamit! Five stars should be for EXCEPTIONAL service. THREE - the middle point, is the rating you should get for just doing what it says on the tin.

I tried to give 3 stars on Uber once, and it got upset. What was wrong with your ride? Please tell us so we can improve.

Well, let's see. I wasn't served any alcohol, there was no pretty young girl to service me, and no Sky TV. All you did was got me to where I wanted to go.

 

Because unlike the rest of the country, university faculty aren't required to dress like low-level Mad Men drones.

 

So no black business suit and black tie?

 

Fun socks are the best. I have a large collection I'm very pleased with. My flamingo ones are my favorite. They're my celebration socks.

 

Black business suit and black tie make it look like you're going to a funeral. Or you work as a mortician. Or a priest delivering bad news to the spouse of a test pilot.

University faculty should dress in skintight silver suits with huge dark goggles, so that they look like an invasion force from the planet Flerd. Each lecture should begin with "Today, class, we're going to discuss how to properly serve our Flerdian overlords. Open your textbooks to Chapter Five: The Proper Cleansing of the Overlord's Anus." After a pause, the professor should smile and say "Just kidding! At least we're not studying to be morticians!" The applause should be deafening, if there are any students left in the room.

 

Black ties are only for funerals here.

 

Who told you my lesson plan?

 

The Japanese drones:



A couple of them are being edgy and wearing no tie at all!

 

As we're kinda on the subject, pointless dress items. Ties serve no purpose whatsoever, and why do we have cufflinks when there are these nifty things called buttons? Better yet, we could put elastic in the cuffs and say goodbye to those too.
Scarves for decorative purposes can also be abolished whilst I'm at it.

I have first hand experience in ties, as it was part of my secondary schools uniform...at an all girls school.

 

They make great nooses. You know, for those times when office work becomes the cyclic hellish bane of ones existence.

 

In particular when tie-bearers come down to where I am, with the machinery...

 

One can add the whole top part of suits to that, which have developed elements that are derived from functionality, but are purely ornamental now. Like lapels. The whole style, as I understand it, stems from old-style military uniforms. Lapels could be closed for cold (or protection), or opened for warm weather. But nowadays, they are always open, and I always get a cold chest (at all the few times I had to wear the dreaded things at weddings-funerals-et-al.)

Or no-pocket pocket-flaps, more likely on the female-style (but I have seen them on male suits, as well.)

 

Funny you should mention this, as my new coat has one on the left bicep. The zip is vertical, and opens to reveal...nothing at all! A complete waste of resources on my arm, whilst the hood is too shallow for my head.
I would rather have a hood that shields my forehead, than a none pocket!

It's worth noting here that you do occasionally get real pockets that are sewn shut. I've heard the reason for this is to help the garment maintain its shape.

 

In any contraction, the apostrophe stands in place of the letters being omitted.

Can not becomes can't.
Would have becomes would've.
You all becomes y'all, never ya'll because that contraction would indicate an uncontracted format wherein there is a word that begins with ya-somethingorother.

Got it?

 

Don't get me wrong, I agree with you, but have you owned one, though?

I've had both, with and without ads. The "with ads" was a Kindle 4 (I still have it). The ads show up in the neutral "off" screen or at the very bottom of the screen when you are anywhere but actually reading a book.

While you read, no ads, ever.

The other is a Kindle PaperWhite I bought because I wanted the lighting, touch screen, free internet, and better resolution after finding the Kindle 4 to be very satisfactory. This one I bought sans the ads. The difference is negligible, really. The neutral "off" screen shows a rotating series of images of pens, writing paraphernalia, things a read/writer would find engaging, and there are no ads at the bottom of the non-book screens.

But seriously, the real difference is the lighting, touch screen, free internet, and better resolution. I found the ads paradigm to be a barely noticeable difference.

 

Define free internet? If it uses your WiFi it ain’t free, is it?

#nitpick

 

Free as in like a cellphone. No need to be near a wifi hotspot. You can only use it to download books, though, to be clear. The device does have a very limited standard internet function (I can view the forum from my Kindle PaperWhite), but that kind of access must be done over a wifi router. Not getting books, though. You can do that anywhere at any time.

Important to remember that I'll likely never get completely over the trauma of H. Maria, and the months where we had no power, zip, nada, so the idea of free and independent from a wifi hotspot may be more important to me than to others.

 

Aftershave / perfume adverts. Do the makers of these things have an unspoken agreement with all the other perfume ad makers that they must not, under any circumstance, make any sense whatsoever?

 

IDK.
Kinda makes me wonder who decided hot sweaty
desert Johnny Depp was what all men want to
smell like.

 

Maybe we have to drive past a bison and throw some dirt around with a spade before we’re allowed to use it.

 

That presumes perfume ads are aimed at men the gender depicted. Given how much more those ads are prevalent during holiday season, a great deal of them are targeted at people who buy them as gifts – SOs, kids, in-laws...

They never target me, though.