Things That Annoy Me, But Shouldn't

Also my first name is legitimately Samuel.

 

Dude, I'm in Hufflepuff...


Argument mode activate

 

You should have argued with the sorting hat

 

Nah, that thing freaked me out, I wasn't going to go and get myself into an argument with it

 

Dude, it's a hat, what's it going to do

 

Dude, it's a hat that can talk, I don't know what else it's capable of

 

Why wasn't everyone the Sorting Hat put into Slytherin automatically expelled? That way, none of them would have been trained as wizards and Nothing Bad Would Ever Happen.

 

Not a Harry Potter fan, but I wondered the same thing. Perhaps a wealthy Slytherin alumnus donated a substantial sum to the school?

 

Gellert Grindelwald stole the Elder Wand, murdered a bunch of people, tortured some folks, raised an army, tried to overthrow the Wizard government, ect... lots of folks died, I think.

I mean, to be fair, he wasn't genocidal like Voldemort. He was basically the Magneto of the Wizarding World.

Still tho. It was like a whole war, I think.

EDIT: I do think it's stupid there's a whole house dedicated to evil students. I mean, maybe at some point they should've rearranged the houses or something. Or eliminated Slytherin. IDK. It's a whole house dedicated to a dead bigot that died centuries ago.

 

I don't think everyone in Slytherin was evil, though. I'm pretty sure they were just sorted into the house by traits, and Slytherin's traits of resourcefulness and ambition were more prone to corruption than the other houses. If I remember properly, Harry was actually supposed to be sorted into Slytherin, but asked the hat to put him in Gryffindor.

 

Total over rule: My Immortal (look it it up).

 

It can shit out swords!

 

Yeah but that's like saying Aquaman has control of sea creatures. Yes, that's a super power, but I have no idea how that could possibly inconvenience me.

 

In theory no Slytherin wasn't evil per se, but what the hell did they think would happen putting all the machiavellian kids in one house? And oh look we have another generation of wizard-nazis from somewhere *sighs*.

Like, I get the tradition and what not, because Slytherin himself was a founder and all that. But seriously, Slytherin himself was fucking evil. That's like having Hitler Secondary School somewhere in Germany because "What? It's traditional!"

 

A member of another writing forum described his novel-in-progress as a 'lesson'. I'm out.

 

When people say "thank you for the holiday gift!". Uh, no, that was intended as a Christmas present you overly politically correct, virtue-signaling -- Never mind, I'll just shut up and get annoyed even though I shouldn't.

ETA: That gas station worker who sold me the toilet paper on 25th sure as hell wasn't on a holiday so how do you think she'd feel if you went like "happy holidays" at her?! Like you were taking the piss, that's how!

Over-polite people sometimes annoy me, sowwie.

I think if I ever open a Twitter account, I'll just put 'boring' there, get it out of the way, might as well be honest.

 

When people say they're boring that means "I don't think you'd be interested in the stuff I like" which, to me at least, is an invitation to pleasantly surprise them. The thing I discovered in my years of bar hopping hedonism was that you have the best time when you walk up to a girl who says she's boring and be like "So do you crochet or quilt or cross-stitch or what?".

It's funny actually. Guys get all weird about what you say to women, you know? They want that killer first line. And everyone who's ever asked me how I work my magic (or at least back in the day) I've told them the same thing: "Ask them what they do for fun, then talk about that". Because man, no-one is boring. They might think they are. But they ain't. They just need a little... Massaging to make them feel fun and interesting and like they can share.

And boom, you are maybe not getting laid. But you're having a good time.

And what's more; you'll be a man my son

 

If I'm to believe the imaginary Facebook Spectrum of Boring to Fun, I'm the most boring person ever. I have a couple of friends who seem to lead the most magical lives...

But yes, you're right, I guess no one is actually boring. Even when I've been bored to tears in someone's company, they probably are fun when around liked-minded people.

 

The trick is to let them sweep you up in their passion. Ask them stuff, let them teach you, make jokes, let them feel like them is what you like. I swear to god I've never once been bored doing that. I mean, I was mostly shitfaced when I was doing that, but you know

 

I apologize in advance to anyone who enjoys golf or cycling (bicycling?), but those two 'passions' have killed my will to live every time. I even gave golf a chance - twice - because I wanted to understand why so many of my co-workers are into it, but... The most exciting part of the evening was trying to weave my way out of a parking lot filled with horribly parked Mercs and Audis without scratching any of them.

I'll dry it drunk next summer. Maybe that'll do the trick.

 

Prolly going to hit a few of those expensive German cars if you do...

 

Golf is awful to talk about. But, well, I have shot at Royal Portrush which is kinda a big deal and... You know, bunker is a word you can pun with

I promise it will help

 

Nah, too risky. Instead, I'll ride my bike there, so I'll kill two stones with one bird: try to understand both golf and cycling.

 

Sounds like you're about to invent a new sport

 

Bike polo?