Things you probably shouldn't have said

Ouch. Tor. I feel your pain.

 

Thank you Raven.

Ok I think I hve the most dense friends ever sometimes. My friend just rang me and aksed what I was doing at the moment by a friend and if I wanted to go out for drinks. Of course I can't as I have my kids so I said. "Yeah alright I'll lock my kids in the toilet and we can head out. Gimme a sec and I'll be ready." She thought I was serious and said "You can actually do that with kids?"
I set her straight and she simply replied with "Oh ok. So you are coming aren't you?"
Was rather disturbing for me anyways......

 

I once called home but got the answering machine. and said to my wife on the answering machine.
What times the gorilla coming over. And make sure you use the cheap sh!ty coffee. and for Christ sake tell her to get some deodorant not only does your mother look like a gorilla but she sodding smells like one too."

Then her mother picked up the phone and said Hello Simon.



Oooooops. Since that day I have never ever left a message on an answering machine.

 

LOL that is absolutely hilarious.

I once picked up the phone and said "Hello city morgue. You kill em we grill em." Yeah it was the police that were on the other end of the phone. They weren't too impressed.

Now I say that it is Santa Clause and his little helpers

 

Is she still speaking to you?

I'd probably bury myself in the cemetery.

 

Put it this way All i get off her for Christmas is black socks.

 

lol you're lucky you don't get a lump of coal!

 

Or a shovel to dig up your own grave.

 

Yeah aye that's what I'd be asken santa for lol

 

Put it this way i didn't dare go home until she was gone.

 

Haha, I'm so stealing that one

 

Bugger.

 

lol Banzai!

 

I wouldn't dare to look at her for a very long time. Hell, not even probably when we're reduced to ghosts. And you better pray she doesn't haunt you.

 

lol she probably will hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

you are doomed Raven hahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

Wow Raven. Just Wow.

 

My car broke down once on the highway and I was under the bonnet trying to figure out what was wrong with it. (the battery connections came loose)
Some guy pulled up and asked if I needed any help as I was not in the best of moods and was kicking my car as i couldn't figure out the problem.

I turned to him and said "What just cause I am a female don't you think I can fix a car?" he smiled at me and drove away. I was left there for an hour before anyone else showed up to help me out.....Doesn't pay to be head strong sometimes

 

We were in class one day in year 10

Girl: God, WHY do those chicks sit together in every class, in the same seats, everyday

Guy: Cos they're molls lewl!

Girl: Lewl

Me: (offended) Well, at least we're not cancerous!

Girl and guy: *palm-face then laugh at me*

These days I think about my comebacks before I say them.

 

My aunt sat on one of our lounge suite chairs once and it gave way underneath her so she moved to the next. I was only little, well 11 years old at the time. She was a very big lady. Lovely though. My mom was in the kitchen and when my aunt sat down my mom and father walked in with coffees and my aunt went through that chair too. I knew she had gone through the other. She went red and got helped up and they offered her the other seat.

I looked up so sweetly and replied "If her fat bom didn't go through it she probably would sit on that one. But her bom has already broken that one mom."

I got bollocked so badly it ain't funny.

 

that'll teach you for being a big meanie

 

I had a friend who was pregnant, (Operative words being Had a friend) She spent every luncjh hour complaining about how expensive it was to have children, and how insurance would not cover the doctor she wantred to see, and how expensive everything was. After about 3 months of the same copmplaints every day, I finally said "If you are going to complain about having kids every day, they maybe you should have thought about that before you got pregnant." Even though she was snarling at me, I still felt the need to follow up with, "Oh and when ypur parents had you, insurance didnt ciover child birth, it was a choice, and an elective condidtion"

Needless to say, I never got a thank you card for my baby shower gift.

foxbrains

 

Hehe, amusing

 

heh it is scarey when you get a bill in the mail for the charges it costs to have a child. Especially when they have been in intensive care unit for a month. I damn near died on the spot when the bill came. It wasn't meant to be sent to me though. I didn't have to pay it luckily or I'd of been in a major load of financial troubles for the rest of my existance....