This feels wrong to me. Opinions?

She is approached by a man that plays with her while she is still emotionally unstable. He convinces her that the world is to blame and to destroy the evil within it.

She still is drawn to a dark man who is violent apparently and which falls back on history of abuse. Negative mindset. Negative thinking. Negative intentions and motivations to do harm. Just extreme case of violent acts.

Since her mind is negative in the first place she will always attract negative people. The darker she becomes the darker people will become around her.

 

Oh. I might of phrased that poorly. I didn't mean to imply that they got together in a relationship. I could play that angle. Think I should? Though if I do it would be fake. He doesn't love her.

 

There's a mindset certain people have. They can have different personalities and disorders, but all been abused in different ways, which is basically negative behaviors and negative thinking patterns. They can be very dark in their thinking internally about the world, life, themselves, and other people. Usually they can't figure out why they end up in the same types of relationships repeatedly if they've never chosen to personally develop and walk out abusive relationships. So whether it's friends, family, or lover, they are surrounded by dysfunctional people until they hit rock bottom. This is where you make the change to help self and recover from the past history and heal, or keep going down the dark path and getting worse and worse.

The real enemy is inside, so you project your inner reality on to other people. If you focus on negative content, violent books, violent music, violent movies, and violent people, you draw that to you in your exterior world. There constantly focused on all the negative and swing hard to the darker side of life. And they don't usually hang out with the other end of the spectrum who gravitates toward personal and spiritual development and beating the odds. Some may try to get there, but not want to do the work to achieve that place in relationships. Those that are in more balance and healthy usually take care of their bodies, mind, and make better choices. They focus on the positive aspects of life, get past the trauma, and move on.

Whatever type of relationship this is just mirroring where they are in their growth and personal development. If you ever heard the phrase, "Doing the same thing the same way with the same results" the person is caught in a loop of making the same bad choices in all relationships, doesn't recognize what needs to change, and even if he/she does, may not be willing to do the work that it takes. So this is what you're trying to achieve at a turning point in the character's life. Rock bottom hits, the character makes a choice to take the darker path or the lighter path. Star Wars did this with Luke Sky Walker. He had a choice to follow the steps of his father or stay on the light side. Darth Vader hung out with all the bad guys, and Luke with the good guys. There was a point where he gave into the dark side.

 

Never seen Star Wars.

You have given me an interesting idea. I think it is what you originally saw in this idea so I bet you will approve.

Being this;

The rescuer/brain washer does be romantic with the girl. In her fragile state it would be easy to connect to anything that is trying to help her. Once she connects her old habit kick in. Which her old habits were all rooted in working hard for the cause of another. Usually to poor effect. I say usually because her son was one said person she worked for.

Kind of funny the happiest time of her life was when she was working for her son. I suppose it makes sense because he was too young to be corrupt. So since she gives herself to another she tends to reflect what they are. Right?

This solves the entire transition problem. Because I had her mission bound. Fighting for her son. Then it became fighting for this man instead. This idea means she was fighting for him the entire time. And it makes sense to her character and context .

Right?

Side note. There is a point where she breaks good but this topic isn't about that. Would you by chance like to discuss that a little bit in a PM?

 

Sounds like your getting the idea. Sure I can help you some more with it tomorrow in PM, but I have to do some stuff in real right now.

 

Okay thanks.
Have a nice day

 

I will tell you. i am a man, i spent 15 years in prison. i have known killers. i know people who have had to live with things, i have been close to them as friends. this is truth. A person may snap, yeah, and kind of let go. a release of tension of sorts. i think if she is killing for her memory, then she kills certain types of people, and then the snapping it then becomes a general killing. the criteria is no longer there.
But this is the point i am driving at and what feels like needs to be the underlying theme. we have to live with what we have done. so, even in snapping and in becoming mad, the trauma of our wrongs are not lost. This is only not true of sociopaths, and i dont think that is what you are writing here.
this needs to be the long term resolution. how she comes to terems with her sons death and her ensueing madness. thats my feeling, take it for what it is.

 

I think I got a theme like that.

The idea is she dies. In the after life she is reconnected with her son and this is when it comes for circle to her feeling the guilt for what she did.

 

hmm, i see. there still has to be a resolution i think. people love balance. and if there is not, it needs to be an imbalance that really makes a point. i do that sometimes. but i think she has to have some moment of redemption in life, yes? it seems to me to b pivotal. like a surrender, a humility, and an acknowledgement of the wrongs she has done. this is her realizing that she cannot hold her son or his memory, just as she cannot hold fist of sand by force alone. she reliquishes him and accepts herself and her burden, and this is the redeeming factor. by surrendering the possibility of being with him, she earns the right to do just that in the next life. these are my thoughts.

 

You mean like her dying on purpose?

The current idea was not for an instant fix. Rather she enters the after life still evil and the guardians of that place force her to remember who she was before she was bad. By remembering who she was it starts to bring that side of her back. She then feels guilt. Since she feels guilt they think she has once again become a good person and allow her to be reunited with her son.

 

no, what i mean is like a surrender to the shadow of her past. hmm. i like the idea you are working with, but can we not manifest that in this world? a sort of intervention? like a supernatural event that may or may not be a part of her madness. is it a manifestation of latent guilt and humanity? or is it an angel's intervention in her life? what do you think?

 

Not exactly sure what you are getting at.

You mean like a moment of guilt that leads to her accepting the darkness?

 

yes, like an overwhelming guilt that is the path through what she has not really dealt with. the killing, the reliving, and seeking to hold the past, it is a final realization that she hasnt really dealt with these things at all. and this is all a prerequisite to her reuniting with her son. i like the idea of a supernatural influence in this that may be her madness, may be her conscience, and may be an influence of angelic beings. but thats me! its your story.

 

My current idea was kind of like this. This is the idea I got from this thread.

The man that killed her son escapes. A new figure helps her find him. She develops a relationship with him and starts doing bad things at his request. Seem fitting?

 

I like it. But there exists in her a dark side. So it is seduced by this man.
Consider her killing him at a pivitol point to. Perhaps her last killing

 

She can't kill him. Literally. She isn't able to. Magically he is too strong.

 

Ah. I see. Well, a rejection perhaps.

 

What do you mean by that?

 

well, i hope this was helpful. have a good night, gotta get going.

 

oh, well i mean like an ideological rejection. like a realization that results in a parting of ways. she obviously must become somewhat emotionally dependant upon this man, he was a presence and a guidance, albeit a fell one, at a pivotal and vulnerable point in her life. but she becomes like two people as her story with him progresses, one that is a dark side, seduced (mentally and emotionally) by the man, and another that is her conscience or perhaps some other supernatural influence that is incompatible with this darkness. and so eventually she must cease being polar. incidiently, polarities like this result in great confusion and irratic behavior in people, i have seen it. it can manifest as madness but resolve in seconds. so the bravery and strength she gains, the belief in herself, it eventually results in a rejection of the seductive dark path this man has layed out for her. and perhaps he even has a hand in stoking her strength, thinking, errantly, that he is creating his companion, when in fact he is helping her get the confidence to finally reject him. i still think a conflict of some sort between them two, even if it doesnt result in a death, would be pivotal. but the key realization for her is her own complicency, recognizing the dark side of her that was seduced by this mans ethos. as long as she is able to depend on him and lay her deeds at his feet, as long as she does not see the reality of her own participation in these things, and see the slippery slope she allowed herself to fall down, then she is still a slave. not to him. a slave to her own delusion. thats the key. mad people blame the world, but people of wisdom recognize that the world they see is naught but a reflection of their own hearts.

 

Are you a poet? Because I felt lost here. lol. Which is all my fault. I read it twice. I still not sure exactly what you are suggesting.

Is it possible to dumb it down for me?

Sorry

 

Hmm. Well, I have been thus accused. See, I'm already putting on literary airs! Writing is poetry. My mentor taught me that. Don't waste a word, and not wasting words is poetry.
Essentially she has projected her dark side onto her dark male companion. So, what is in her, she sees without. This is common amongst people. Lets say I'm not a poet, I've just lived in some extreme situations. The key to her resolution is recognizing her own darkness, and not blaming her sons killer for this, or her companion for making killing easy for her, or the world for being a harsh place. This was i her, it was a part of her, even prior to her sons death. These circumstances brought it out. And the real journey for her is becoming strong enough to accept her own weakness, which is indeed true strength. This makes her anathema to her companion, whose strength is born of killing and dominance, and is as such illusory. And this is also the key to her purity. She passes through the fire which is this inner torment and into a purer state, which allows her to be again with her lost son. That's my feeling

 

I think we are seeing eye to eye.

In a sense. Death is a bad word for my story. As her story doesn't end with death. So it sounds like you are saying that once she connects with him. By making excuses for his darkness. She is uncosciously giving herself premission to be dark?

So do you think her becoming pure again without her doing anything with him is bad?

Funny enough. I think you will like where my story is going to take this. Basically the after life guardian's tell her that the key to redemption is to stop hating herself. That the past is the past and to be a good person no list needs to be completed. THe moment she wanted to be a good person and stopped hurting people is the moment she became a good person.

You agree?

 

Definitely. But the impetus must be her. She mud realize these things. The after life guardian is only a guide who can nudge her on a way. She must walk it, and walking it must be a difficult thing. This is a tremendous sacrifice of herself here, but its reward transcends. And it is like this in life, so people will be touched by it.

 

You've given me the itch to write again btw. It's almost one here and I am up messing with my manuscript.