It's human nature for many people to enjoy talking about themselves to friends and acquaintances. If something is going on in their lives, lots of folks like to talk about it to others. And that's fine. There is nothing wrong with that. However, a small percentage of people I know constantly talk about themselves, and never ask how you're doing or what's going on, positive or negative, in your life. It's like they don't see that nobody wants to talk to folks who only talk about themselves and clearly don't even try to pretend like they have in interest in the lives of you and me. If you like to talk about yourself to others, that's not bad in of itself. But, for goodness sake, ask others about how they're doing, even if you care less!
My last roommate was like that! Except he didn't only talk about himself, he complained. Constantly. It was ridiculous. I got to the point to where I didn't even try to have a conversation with him because I knew it was going to be something negative. Yeah, we don't talk anymore.... lol
As you suggested, most people wh0 enquire about how you're doing don't really care anyway. I don't know why you'd want them to ask.
Mike, you do realize you're the only member on this forum who posts threads simply to state his own opinion?
Really? You think it's the better option for me to bullshit that I'm interested or care, when I'm not and I don't? You think active fakery is better than not getting paid attention? Sorry... not with you at all on this.
The ideal person can shine their attention on others, emphasize and take active interest. This is not "most people," but these special individuals will almost always be more successful in life than others.
That's in part why we like to write, I think. We have a lot to say but we don't talk much. And it's always a pain to try to explain things you know by heart to people. Like 123456789 said, most people won't care. Also I find this helpful in times, like when a conversation stops just ask the other one about himself/herself and you'll have more conversation. People love talking about themselves, especially if they're getting good advice or at least when they know someone is actually paying attention. You'll know more about people and you can use it in your work maybe. After all friendships and etc. I've come to realise that I should expect everything from everyone, this also includes expecting nothing. Just write, you'll have your audience.
I find this also - especially with family, which is somewhat confusing. I always make sure to ask those around me how their lives are going, how their days are, etc., but nobody ever asks this of me. Is it because I'm a man, or because I'm meant to be 'seen and not heard'? I don't know. This kind of complaint can come across as emotionally needy, but we all have needs. A basic one is to feel cared for I suppose.
I've been there, I know many people who are like that. Imagine feeling so bad that you need to keep talking about how bad you feel? Inversely, imagine being so happy that you need to find someone to talk to, to inform them of how good you feel. Feeling either good or bad is relative, however they have reached some kind of limit which needs expression to another self, for whatever reason they cannot deal with either side of it by them self. We are social animals, some people require different kinds of relationships in life.
I would rather the person didn't ask about me if he or she isn't going to really listen or displays impatient body language. What's the point? I can always make an excuse and leave and/or avoid talking to that person in future.
I have a friend like that actually. She's always busy - we live in the same city and I see her perhaps once every 6 months, if that. She'd then text me saying how she wants to meet up etc. And I'm like, sure. We arrange to meet a week in advance. Then the day before, she cancels. Because she's too tired, because she's had a very busy week and would prefer some alone time, because she's ill, because a meeting has cropped up. Or, she doesn't cancel and we actually manage to meet up. But 30min into the meeting she informs me she has to dash off for some other meeting in about an hour's time so she really doesn't want to go anywhere and needs to keep an eye on the time. And I'm like, if I don't see you for half a year, is it really too much to ask if you just give me 2 hours of your time without you having to rush off? Or worse, to initiate a meeting with me, arrange a time based on your convenience (I always have her suggest a time, which I almost always say yes to unless I really can't), just to have you cancel? And then during the time when we do meet, she's just jabbering on about her life only. She does ask me how I am, and I start telling her, and about 2 sentences in it inspires something else in her and off she goes, for the next 30min. Repeat this cycle several times and you have a good idea of what a meeting with her's like. Not a lot annoys me, but not being listened to is a pet peeve of mine. When her husband finally moved to the same country as her (they lived apart for quite some time), I thought it would be nice to meet him, esp as he doesn't know anyone here, and suggested let's do dinner together. She replied back saying how she really needs to focus on her work and studies etc - never mind that I don't even remember the last time I actually met her in person. I got a bit annoyed and said something like well never mind if you're far too busy. The sarcasm must have come across because she disappeared off the FB chat and her husband stepped in, saying he really thinks they should be able to focus on their marriage together without being made to feel guilty, because they simply have other priorities in life. Seriously, WTF? Then my friend came back saying, oh yeah let's meet up, I'd really like to meet up. I get that life is busy, but if you claim to be a friend, then show some interest and actually make some time for me. 2 hours every 6 months is not a lot to ask when you're in the same frigging city and even go to the same church together weekly. Then I see photos of her taking long leisurely walks, usually with friends btw, praising God for His goodness on Facebook and I'm like, "Busy, aren't chya?"
You'd fit right in with Czech culture. I think it's also in France, and likely other places. They only ask "How are you?" if they actually want to know, and the standard Czech reply is actually, "So so" or, better yet, "Not so great" I remember my French housemate was baffled by why I asked him "How are you?" five times in a day, every time I saw him. Eventually he was like, "But you asked me just 5min ago!" I can see some benefits in chit-chatting - it's easier to break the ice for newcomers. But long term and it's just dull. It's why I'm no longer sure if I would ever fit back into British culture...
I find visiting people, doing things that they like is best. Just walk around and listen, the normals seem happy with that! Hey I saw dis painting in dem history books! (yah, but do you see dem smudges, do you seem dem character?)
I live in South East Asia, and most Asians greet each other with "Have you eaten yet?" and the reply is "Yes I have. You?" and that's it.
Where in South East Asia? I was originally from Hong Kong, so I'm always interested But I moved away too soon, so I picked up on the British "How are you?" - "I'm fine, thanks." Rather than the "Have you eaten?" My parents do still ask me though - I think to this day I still take that to mean literally... although when it comes from other relatives when I visit HK, it does sound like the equivalent of "How are you?" lol Sometimes, in England, you're passing each other as you say "How are you" and then the person's gone before you can say "fine thanks" and I always wonder if I should go back and finish replying hahaha.
At the moment I'm in Bangkok although I was in Singapore for many years. I don't know why we didn't stick with the old "Good day, Sir/Madam". It made much more sense and didn't require a reply if the original speaker kept walking.
I'm seeing this script: Stranger: How are you? MCKK: (to the stranger's back) Fine thanks. Stranger keeps walking away. MCKK: Hahaha
You know they are headed that way - the folks Mike is talking about - when they interrupt you if you try to reply.
