If you knew you were going to die... possibly soon, what would you do? Would you try to stop yourself from dying? Or would you try to make the best of the remainder as possible? HOW? & WHY?
I already know I am going to die. We all die eventually. But if I were going to die in the next few weeks, or knew roughly when I was going to die. I'd just make sure that I told my children and my partner, I loved them as much as I could. In the end, it is all that matters really. That those who we care about the most, know that we care about them. Other wise, I'd just continue with my life the way it is. I spend all the time I have with my children and as much time with my BF as I can already. So I don't really see why I should change anything because I am going to die around a certain time. In my opinion, and this is only 'MY' opinion, people who know that they are dieing, and go out and do everything possible in the time they have left, are only wasting the time they have left and succumbing to their fear of death. I don't need to go jump from a plane to know that I am alive and to enjoy/experience life. I just need to hold my angels in my arms and see their smiling faces and be told by my bf that he loves me, to know that my life was well spent and to die happy. I don't see how anyone could want anything more!
If i knew when and how i was going to die, id try to prove it wrong and jump straight into the face of a fast moving train and laugh because they were wrong.... causing the universe to fold in on itself......unless i was told i was going to die in 1 minutes time (hit by train), that would blow. Note - just playing around with my sense of humour (in case people take this serious with death and all)
I think that whatever we do is going to happen anyway, fate, destiny, whatever. I think if i tried to stop myself dying i would somehow cause it to happen anyway...
If I knew that I was going to die soon, I would apply for a few credit cards. I would book a trip to Europe with my boyfriend. I'd definitely want to see a good amount of Italy, and Spain would be nice, too. If I had the time, I'd also try to go to Japan. Travelling is really the only thing I want to do before I die. Everything else is secondary.
If I was going to soon then I wouldn't try to stop. What would be the point in trying to stop it? If I died soon then I would be glad, and only a person who can say something like that is one who probably has not died. I rather died young then old. Therefore if I died soon I would just accept it.
I would break the news gently to my parents and tell them that despite all the times I've said, " You suffocate me," that I really do love them (I haven't done that yet in my entire life). Then I would purchase a ticket to Michigan to have one last night out with Joseph, though I probably wouldn't tell him in the end. Then I'd return back to my family and friends and live out my life reading novels until I cough blood ;(
Of course I would try and stop it. I believe in an afterlife, but I'm not in any hurry to get there anytime soon. There's too much stuff to experience before that happens. Now, if after doing everything (that still lets me keep my dignity) I can to stop it and it is still inevitable I would make sure I had a good talk with all the important people in my life, then I would take all my savings and start traveling with my camera and my pen. I want to go out doing something that makes a difference.
I can tell you first hand what the idea of dying young feels like, and how a person’s reaction to this news can be anything but ideal. (Act 1) In March of 2001, just before my 31st birthday I found out that I have HIV. Yeah, I know, that’s a shocker right? Well, the news knocked my feet right out from under me and I stayed down for a good two years. I really don’t remember the better part of those two years because I was living in a town where marijuana is easier to get than cigarettes and because I have blocked most of was wasn’t smoked into oblivion. (Act 2) Two years passed, and I finally lifted my head up out of the bong induced cloud and moved out of that town and back to the town where my parents lived in Central Florida. Even still, the knowledge of this situation colored everything in my life, and unfortunately not for the better. Not yet, at least. The knowing made it difficult to be motivated, positive, and happy. It really, really sucked. My worst enemy was a horrid litany that would run through my head on a regular basis: My body is made of poison. And then one day, as I realized that I was not going to drop dead the next day or suffer horribly like in all the TV movies and cinematic movies concerning HIV in the early 80’s, I got it into my head that I was going to have to decide how I was going to live and stop worrying about how I was going to die. (Act 3) I realized that during my prolonged pity party I had allowed my life to become a big bag of hot mess. I had a job that paid very well, but which I hated with a passion that could vaporize lead. I was in the fifth year of a relationship that should have never gone past the next morning after I had met him, and all my ‘friends’ (who came along in the same package as the jerko boyfriend) were really frenemies. So, I shed my skin. I got rid of everything except my clothes and a few treasured antiques I had collected. I moved to Puerto Rico. I’m not saying that it was necessary to make such a drastic change for me to get my life together, but it helped. A new view is one of my favorite things. Now, before anyone thinks that this situation is totally tragic, allow me to add: I have never been in better health in my whole life than I am today. I used to weight a pretty standard 150 lbs. I now weigh almost 175 lbs, all of which is rock solid. You can wash clothes on my stomach. I have no problem taking my shirt off at the beach. (I sound like a Soloflex commercial, right?) I have a job I love to death! Yeah, sometimes I gripe and groan, but overall, my job rocks. I have the best boyfriend on two legs. He’s cute as a button, works out, and is funny as all get out. My life is awesome now. Truly. I don’t think about having HIV every waking minute. I take my meds when I am supposed to. I take my health very seriously. I take living very seriously now. I told a friend once, “This is going to sound like the most F’d up thing you have ever heard, but in a way, HIV is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am awake now like I’ve never been before.”
Well I don't want to die slowly. I want to die quickly. I rather die young then old. And I said before, no one can really say that if they haven't died. But my reasons are this I don't want to start depending on people when I am old, I do not want to lose who I am, I rather die with my mind in tact then die not even remembering my own name, I want people to remember for my youth and not my old age, and I rather keep my senses. So I rather die young then old. I want to die around thirty-nine or forty. And I want to die quickly not slowly. So like taking a bullet to the head, my heart stops, etc. I want to die in a quick flash and the account that you post Wreybies will never change my mind.
It was never meant to. It applies only to me, my life, the one life that I get to live and which I am now living to the hilt.
And that is fine. I was just saying that no one can stop me or change my mind from wanting to die young. Even little stories from people who are suffering. Nothing can change my mind.
I have a list actually: Goals Before Death: 1. Conquer France, shouldn't be too hard. 2. Wear a hot dog suit and run up and down the streets screaming "The British are Coming!" 3. Eat like, five thousands hamburgers. I'm already dying my health must be in the gutter anyway, right? 4. Sit through a full episode of Jay Leno without starring at his chin 5. Find the cure for cancer, then take it with me to the grave (it's mine now !) 6. Find out who really killed JFK, Hint: His name begins with Lee, and ends with Oswald 7. Learn how to do the Electric Boogaloo and get down at the disco 8. Build a doomsday device, and send it to Iraq (What war?) 9. Get high score in Pac-Man 10. Become a two sport athlete by joining the Oreo double stuff league! EDIT: Yeah, I tend not to worry about these things. I die when I die.
Brilliant story Wrey. Thanks for sharing it. When I say "brilliant", I am referring to the outcome which you CHOSE. Your behavior, that of taking personal responsibility for your own happiness, stands as a perfect role model for others. We all have a finite amount of time on this Earth and how we choose to experience that time is our most important decision. You have my deepest respect and admiration for choosing to "live" your life.
Well, if it was stoppable i'd try to stop it. If it wasn't... I'd probably tell my whole family that I love them, and then go to the places I've wanted to go but never went. Maybe the UK? Ireland? Spain? And I'd do that while reading all the stuff I've never read (I've been meaning to read the Odyssey and the Iliad, but I'm going to anyway, my spanish teacher demands it). Maybe I'd finish the thing I've been meaning to write. I don't believe in the afterlife. Didn't make much sense to me. When I think about things like this, my philosophical self turns on. Futility isn't depressive to me, it's just depressive in general : /.
I have a question for you. What do you think would go through your mind in the last few seconds before you ended someone else's life? As a young soldier, I spent time in Viet Nam in a specialized unit (Long Range Recon Patrol, we were called "lerps"). Sometimes we conducted intelligence missions. Other times we acted as spotters for bombing raids or artillery shelling. We also engaged in "pacification" missions where we waited in silent ambush until our enemy followed their familiar trail through the jungle. I have seen young friends die long before nature intended, and I have taken lives in moments when my targets had no suspicion that their existence was about to end. In the last few seconds while I lined up my target in the cross hairs of my scope, I wondered about their lives. Will his mother wonder what happened when he doesn't come home? Did he leave behind any children . . . or a widow? Could he have been the next Einstein if not for my bullet? How many of my comrades has he killed? Then, it was over. These life experiences leave me with no concern about death. It's gonna happen. No sense worrying about it. I live every day like it will be my last chance to contribute to the world around me. Whenever death happens, I hope to leave behind a very long "to do" list.
Wreybies, I do believe my respect for you multiplies exponentially, usually about once a week. You're amazing. Anyway, if I were dying (assuming it was noncontagious) I'd spend a lot of time with my boyfriend, write a letter to all the famous writers I know (in case they saw that I was dying and wrote something back, apparently that happens sometimes), and then I'd read all the books I'd always meant to read. Also, no homework for me! Woot. EDIT: Oh! Oh! And lots of junk food! Can't forget the junk food! (Hopefully the sudden uptake in Gluttony won't land me in hell.)
I agree this is the approach i would take, nip it in the bud. failing that i'll just say my goodbye's and be ready for when the time comes.
That was actually a very moving and compelling story. It was consistant and emotional. I can't even begin to imagine taking someone else's life. I can't even look at a person without wondering what Common Magic they've experienced in their time. My only criticism is this... I don't believe in death without nature. I believe that if those men died in action, it was their destiny to die in action. But still... I'm so sorry for the hell you must have gone through.
If you knew you were going to die... possibly soon, what would you do? ...shout 'hallelujah!' and 'thank you!!!'... Would you try to stop yourself from dying? ...heck, no... i want off this benighted, human-made mess of a world where most of its populace [human and other] is starved, tortured, raped and killed non-stop and few care, as long as they have what they want... Or would you try to make the best of the remainder as possible? ...yup!... HOW? ...just continuing to do what i do now, which is help as many who need help as possible, all day, every day... in other words, be useful... & WHY? ...because it's the 'right' thing to do, of course... why else? here's my take on the subject: http://saysmom.com/maia/content.asp?Writing=258
Wreybies, I want to say that your post was breathtaking. I was in every sense of the word amazed by what you have put forth. You have my sincere and most truly deserved respect for you as a person with what you have done. NaCl: That was a powerful question. And wonderfully put. Now to answer the OP's question. That question I have faced twice in my life. The first time I was young and only thought of the fact that I did not want to die, but came to terms with it. Mainly by finding religion. Strangely enough I overcame that affliction, not scathe free mind you, but I overcame it and lived on. When I got older I faced the question again as I was laying in an emergency room, and I feel no shame to admit that I was sacred about dying. But strangely it was not my death that sacred me, but fear filled me for my family. Those I thought I would soon be leaving behind. Who would take care of them after I was gone? Who would provide for them them? watch out for them? Those were my concerns. I suppose everyone will respond in their own way. I have heard some thought provoking responses to this, and some touching ones. In the end, I think this is a strange question, something we can think about, perhaps the decisions we hope we will be able to make, that we will be able to be graceful and have out own bucket list and what have you, but I feel that this is something that we truly will not know what our answer will be until we face it. It is also a question I hope no one has to discover what the actual answer is.
For me... When I was younger, I used to pray for death. I was utterly alone and hurting. The hurt was so deep inside, I didn't know what to do with myself. That feeling continued into my early twenties. Then, as I got older I no longer craved the grave but didn't really care either way. "What happens, will happen." Now...as I approach my 30's I can honestly say, I'm not ready to get off this ride just yet. I too like the above poster, do not fear leaving for my own sake but for those around me. I've had 2 instances when I was a teenager when I was but a hairs breadth from leaving this place...I wasn't scared. This year, I've had two instances...and I was terrified. One was a head on collision in which a guy crossed the center divider and totaled my car. The other is a medical condition that I am battling now. Funny that how I've gotten older and lived more, only to crave more and yet in my youth I was so ready to go...
