Trouble dealing with criticism

I feel as though I can take criticism as long as the final result is not too overwhelming. When my works are peppered over with too many comments for me to handle, or the general gist after me reading through all of them is basically, "I'm sorry, honey, but this doesn't work at all," I shut down. Instead of really helping me take the next level to fix my mistakes, sometimes people just communicate "You might as well just toss it in the bin and call it a loss." But I keep on coming...!

 

Have you tried comparing your current writing/book with a published writer's book? Many say that it is an effective way to self-critique your own work. Than again, I never tried it that way. You can give it a try first, face your fears of having your work analyzed, and see what happens here.

 

Give Lars Von Trier a call. He'll fix you! He once dumped a film award into a potted plant at the ceremony, and his reason was that he hated praise. Praise is useless, only negative critique builds you up (according to him and Nietzsche). Of course, what he did was a PR stunt, but even PR stunts can have a grain of truth in them.

 

Well, a number of things.

Don't take yourself too seriously. This does not mean not taking your work seriously - it does mean learning to laugh at your own mistakes, rolling with the punches, etc. I remember at a workshop once where someone was commenting on one of my characters and called him "a vapid asshole" (her review of the story was overall fairly positive, though). Problem - the character she was describing was me, and not even in a vague sense - the character was doing something that I had also done. I laughed (later, while explaining the situation to someone).

Also, and this is perhaps more difficult - depersonalize your work. Imagine that what's being evaluated is just some random piece of writing. This isn't entirely possible, as I think all good writing holds in its sentences part of the author, but it's something. The other option is better and also has secondary, non-literary benefits.

 

I once read a music review where the reviewer said he would rather eat his own feces than listen to the album a second time. So, taking an optimistic point of view, as long as you don't get a comment like that it's not all bad.

 

Hi,

It could have been a compliment. How do you know he didn't like the taste of his own faeces?

Cheers.

 

Now that's great advice all around. You gotta laugh.

I sure did when someone pointed out some of the idiosyncrasies in my writing...

 

I also have a low tolerance for criticism, but I've found a personal workaround: by writing pulp you kinda disarm the critics. When I become better at writing I might take a stab at a more "serious" work.

 

Well, finally a use for fan fiction!

 

I don't think so. Whether you're writing pulp or something of a more serious nature, crap writing is crap writing.

 

Well, I never said or (at least intentionally) implied that I'm writing crappy pulp, just that I'm aware that critics are self-conscious of "getting it", and thus if your style is semi-campy, even though mostly serious (insofar as horror / supernatural story can be considered "serious"), then they aren't as apt to put it down. Eh.. I may be wrong, and just talking out of my ***.

*Shrug*

 

There seems to be a bit of a resurgence of pulp/campy fiction. I think critics will certainly recognize the style and go with it, but the writing still has to be good.

And I also think horror stories can be written so that they are "serious," though most of them aren't. A good example of a serious work of fiction that falls into the genre is Shirley Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House.

 

Well, I finished my story. It wanted to become a short story instead of a novel. Can't really send it anywhere, except for a competition maybe. Or maybe I'll make a collection of short stories.

Anyway, I'll try writing something more serious now. (Lord / Cthulhu knows that won't happen.)

 

I understand feeling this way. I've dealt with criticism simply by exposing myself to more and more of it. If you don't let people read your writing, and you know you're very sensitive to the bits of criticism you have allowed, it will probably be difficult at first. But then, after you get loads of criticism, it will feel a lot less harsh just because you're used to it. And always keep in mind that YOU are the judge of the criticism: YOU are in charge of your writing, and YOU decide what gets to come in and what doesn't. Not all criticism has merit, and some much more than others.

I'm an attorney so I get A LOT of criticism on my writing. It was hard at first, that's for sure, but then I just got used to it. You might even find that you get addicted to it. I know my fellow attorneys always want someone to rip up their work because it generally makes it so much better -- and if the critic is wrong, just ignore and move on!

Ultimately, criticism is attention. If you're getting a lot of criticism, at least people are reading your work and taking the time to mull it over.

Good luck!

 

Great post. I try not to, but it still makes me a little when a story I thought was good gets ripped to shreds. I should go seek some out.

 

You will only find true happiness if you finally let go and allow people to enjoy your writing. A part of being a writer is enjoying your own writing and allowing others to enjoy it with you.
Someone will either like it or dislike it, you will never know which it will be unless you allow them to read it.
Listen to everyone on here and allow your work to inspire others.

 

I let everyone read what I written. It's important to get negative and positive criticism. To grow as a writer, for new ideas.

 

Misty, I can relate to you very well. I am exactly like you, in that I am a perfectionist. The place we differ is that I am not as confident as you are in the quality of my writing. The reason I cannot share what I write is because I personally do not feel like it is good enough for others to read. I feel as if it is a punishment to even subject others to such dreck. There is one particular story that I have literally been working on for YEARS and I have written and rewritten parts to the point where I have convinced myself that I have to have at least a touch of OCD. lol. I honestly don't know how ANY author ever knows when one part of their story is complete. For me, I take extended breaks from writing this particular piece and every time I revisit it, I think that what I wrote last is just atrocious.

The thing is that I know that critiques can better pinpoint my problem areas, but like you, it's hard for me to hear the negativity. I also know that my feelings are grounded in my insecurity with my own writing ability. I joined this site for the very purpose of working around to sharing what I have written with the community and getting feedback. I just need to make sure that I am fully armored. lol.

Good luck to you!

 

Everyone has critics, just concentrate on improving where alot of people mention things and change things for the better as you see fit.

Criticism doesn't affect me at all, suppose i'm lucky in that respect after seeing some of the posts in this thread. Like water off of a ducks back.

 

I developed a thick skin after attending a writer's course and also having studied Fine Arts. Some critisicms are rubbish and mean, but some are good and unbelievably helpful. Yeah I know it's hard to deal with the idiots who may not know what they're talking about, but then once you're published you're going to receive so much worse.
I like Craigpay's post. And I second it.

 

I have the same problem to a lesser extent. This forum itself helps me a lot, since I haven't really seen any nasty reviews. The people here really try to help their fellow writers, not rip them apart. Reading works posted here and the reviews helps a lot, cause it made realize two things, 1) no one is perfect; all stories have some flaws in them and of course you can't please everyone and 2) no one is awful; I've read and reviewed a few stories in here and never read anything I couldn't compliment in some way. Some stories are better, but even the worse ones had something good in them, which means there's always possibility for improvement.

I'm still a beginner in writing and I try to save my better ideas for later, when I'm a better writer and more confident in myself. It's easier to deal with criticism when the work is not so personal. Write shorter works, about simple things. Invent simple premises and see what you can create out of that. When you do this, set a word limit to keep it from spiraling out of control and turning into something more serious. I haven't posted anything of my own here yet, but I plan to first post some shorter, less ambitious work just to get used to the idea of actually letting someone read my stuff and getting used to being critisized.

 

As a reviewer, I'm not one to throw treats for something anyone can do. I give compliments if the writer did something I think was very well executed, unique, or just truly extraordinary. No one should ever think they are actually a good writer because I mean... you aren't. That's the day you stop trying. I'm never going to think I'm a good writer because give it a couple months and I'll look back and pick out a million different things I'd have done differently. What matters is if the reader thinks you're a good writer, so no, I don't care about making someone feel like their work is crap. In all honesty, they already feel like that, and they should. What matters is bringing out what the reader is going to think, which is what I do. "Ripping apart" a piece isn't actually a thing to me. "Honesty" is a thing. Sugar-coating just makes the writer think they can get away with crap. Which is why I generally don't review a piece if I don't think it has potential. (Which of course, rarely happens.)

If you get offended by a critique then you value yourself too much and think you have more skill than you actually have. I mean if the reviewer is actually insulting you as a person, yeah that's not right. But you should never be offended by a bad review. Either it's your own fault, or that reviewer just sees it a different way and it's your choice whether to listen to him/her or not.

 

I actually wish I had more independent people to show my work to, but right now I have to stick with family members, which I know isn't ideal. I'd rather give it to someone I don't know that well/at all than letting friends reading it. It would probably be a much more honest review. where can I find people like that? I mean, it can't be anyone. It has to be someone with a little knowledge about what is good and what is bad and yet someone i can trust. Preferably someone who doesn't just say "it was good" or "I didn't like it" but is able to explain why. I don't know people like that.

 

1. you can post brief excerpts here in the review sections, for a variety of opinions from a wide range of reviewers in re 'knowledge' and experience/discernment...
2. you can send me the first couple of pages of what you think is the best writing you've done and i'll give you a neutral, professional writer/editor's feedback on its quality...
3. you can browse through the reviewing threads and find someone else whose opinions you feel you can trust and ask them to review your work privately...

love and hugs, maia
maia3maia@hotmail.com

 

thanks for the tips and your kind offer Maia, but the problem is I'm not writing my stories in english and i don't feel confident enough to translate them. I don't know any writers in my "real life" unfortunately. Maybe there are creative writing-critique groups even here that one can join... I've never heard of any but I'll check anyway. then there are these private "readers" that charge ridiculous amounts of money to read your work and give a review, but I can't afford that right now. I'm a poor artist