New York Times best selling author and all around awesome guy John Green once said the phrase "I make up metaphors for a living." This made me wonder what other sentences you could come up with to describe various occupations. I've decided to limit it to / focus on descriptions that reveal or give the impression of the jobs being easy, lazy, strange etc. The funnier, or more honest or ridiculous, the better. Let me explain further with some examples: Actor - My job is to pretend. Athlete - I do arbitrarily specified physical tasks of no direct value as best as I can in exchange for money. Author - I'm in charge of deciding the pattern in which symbols are imprinted on thin sheets of wood. Magician - I do things that give off the impression I didn't do them the way I did although we all know I didn't do it the way it looks like it was. Politician - I tell people what my opinions are to hopefully be able to act based on those opinions, like everyone does, expect my opinions affect more people and I've made a living out of it. Teacher - I learn things so that I can decide what others should learn and so they don't have to learn it by themselves, by telling them what they should learn and then make sure they learn it, regardless of whether or not they want to learn it or will have any use for the information I give them.