1. Published on Amazon? If you have a book, e-book, or audiobook available on Amazon.com, we'll promote it on WritingForums.org for free. Simply add your book to our Member Publications section. Add your book here or read the full announcement.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Dismiss Notice
  1. Bjørnar Munkerud

    Bjørnar Munkerud Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2012
    Messages:
    398
    Likes Received:
    144
    Location:
    Oslo, Norway

    Unflattering Job Descriptions

    Discussion in 'Writing Prompts' started by Bjørnar Munkerud, Feb 22, 2014.

    New York Times best selling author and all around awesome guy John Green once said the phrase "I make up metaphors for a living." This made me wonder what other sentences you could come up with to describe various occupations. I've decided to limit it to / focus on descriptions that reveal or give the impression of the jobs being easy, lazy, strange etc. The funnier, or more honest or ridiculous, the better. Let me explain further with some examples:

    Actor - My job is to pretend.
    Athlete - I do arbitrarily specified physical tasks of no direct value as best as I can in exchange for money.
    Author - I'm in charge of deciding the pattern in which symbols are imprinted on thin sheets of wood.
    Magician - I do things that give off the impression I didn't do them the way I did although we all know I didn't do it the way it looks like it was.
    Politician - I tell people what my opinions are to hopefully be able to act based on those opinions, like everyone does, expect my opinions affect more people and I've made a living out of it.
    Teacher - I learn things so that I can decide what others should learn and so they don't have to learn it by themselves, by telling them what they should learn and then make sure they learn it, regardless of whether or not they want to learn it or will have any use for the information I give them.
     
    jannert, Who and Lewdog like this.
  2. Garball

    Garball Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2013
    Messages:
    2,846
    Likes Received:
    1,334
    Location:
    S'port, LA
    Chef: I peddle a product that will eventually turn to shit
     
  3. Who

    Who Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2012
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    52
    Location:
    Maine
    Garbage man: I collect garbage.
    Professional Wrestler: I run around in tights, pretending to fight other men in tights, and make silly faces when they pretend to hit me.
    Televangelist: I dance and sing and pray to the lord that you'll believe that I believe what you believe.
     
    Bjørnar Munkerud likes this.
  4. minstrel

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2010
    Messages:
    9,116
    Likes Received:
    5,456
    Location:
    Near Los Angeles
    Brewer: I make a product that puts people to sleep.
    Pharmacist: I sell products that put people to sleep.
    Mattress maker: I make products on which people sleep.
    Boring art film producer: I produce products that put people to sleep.
    Boring art novelist: I write books that put people to sleep.
    Poet: I write verses that put people to sleep.
    Folksinger: I sing songs that put people to sleep.
    Anesthesiologist: I put people to sleep.
    Economics Professor: I put people to sleep.
    Ben Stein: I put people to sleep.
    Sandman: I put people to sleep.
    Edgar Cayce: I am asleep.
    Somnus: I am sleep.

    Rooster: I wake people up.

    Clearly, sleep is highly valued. Being awake isn't. Yawn.
     
  5. jannert

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    8,886
    Likes Received:
    8,564
    Location:
    Scotland
    Well, you've started my waking day with a laugh.
     
    minstrel and Andrae Smith like this.
  6. Andrae Smith

    Andrae Smith Gone exploring... in the inner realm... Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Messages:
    2,508
    Likes Received:
    1,411
    Location:
    Wandering
    Oh my, I completely forgot it's like 8:20 AM where you are huh? My day is really just ending, with it being almost 12:30. Time to sleep.

    @minstrel Sleeping is far more valuable than waking up, what other state is so freeing for the soul and imagination??? Sheesh, you'd think a writer would know this. :rolleyes: good call mentioning Edgar Cayce ha ha.

    Programmer: I spend numerous, senseless hours talking to machines in made up languages.
    Surgeon: You pay me to cut you up. ;)
    Writer: I repeatedly convince myself into thinking people care what I have to say.
    Janitor: I get paid to do what my did for free... (note: Mom's are no one's janitors or maids lol)
     
    jannert likes this.
  7. jannert

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    8,886
    Likes Received:
    8,564
    Location:
    Scotland
    Actually, 7.33 am... 8-hour time difference between the UK and California!
     
  8. Andrae Smith

    Andrae Smith Gone exploring... in the inner realm... Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Messages:
    2,508
    Likes Received:
    1,411
    Location:
    Wandering
    Ah, I was close!
     
  9. rodney adams

    rodney adams Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2013
    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    16
    Farmer: I plant seeds and throw crap all over them so you can eat what they grow into
     
    vera2014 and Bjørnar Munkerud like this.
  10. Lae

    Lae Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2013
    Messages:
    508
    Likes Received:
    226
    Location:
    UK
    Unnecessary Security Guard: i do nothing but inconvenience you, i appear to do nothing and excel at looking busy. I am power.
     
    Cave Troll and Bjørnar Munkerud like this.
  11. Thomas Kitchen

    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2012
    Messages:
    1,258
    Likes Received:
    430
    Location:
    I'm Welsh - and proud!
    Car Salesman: I sell boxes of both attractive and unattractive metal which cause 1.27 million deaths each year.
     
    vera2014 likes this.
  12. GlPortal

    GlPortal New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2014
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Programmer: I spend 12 hours a day replacing instructions written by another programmer that produce unintended behaviour with my own instructions which produce a different set of unintended behaviours.
     
  13. Lae

    Lae Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2013
    Messages:
    508
    Likes Received:
    226
    Location:
    UK
    Cashier: I bleep my life away
     
  14. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,953
    Likes Received:
    2,072
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Contract killer: I put people to sleep. Pehmanently.
     
    Bjørnar Munkerud and minstrel like this.
  15. Jack Asher

    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2013
    Messages:
    3,571
    Likes Received:
    2,061
    Location:
    Denver
    CGI Modeler: I make incredibly valuable things that don't exist.
     
  16. rodney adams

    rodney adams Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2013
    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    16
    CEO: I get paid inordinate amounts of money for work that other people do

    Theoretical Physics Professor: I tell you about ideas people have about the universe that may or may not be true. I also get paid to do it.
     
    Cave Troll likes this.
  17. vera2014

    vera2014 Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2014
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    66
    Astronaut: I float around and stare at the stars. Thank you for your millions in tax dollars.
    Police officer: I am a connoisseur of fine donuts. That hole in the middle of them? That was my fine shooting.
    Hockey player: I strike fear into the hearts of all dentists.
    Dog walker: I get paid for going on healthy walks. Picking up all that poo really works the quads.
    Pest control: If the bed bugs don't sicken you our chemicals will.
     
  18. minstrel

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2010
    Messages:
    9,116
    Likes Received:
    5,456
    Location:
    Near Los Angeles
    Wedding photographer: I take pictures of you and then sell them to, um, you. As if you don't know what you look like.

    Male porn star: You pay me to make you feel hopelessly sexually inadequate.

    Rock drummer: I hit things until your ears bleed. And you love it.
     
    Bjørnar Munkerud likes this.
  19. EdFromNY

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2010
    Messages:
    4,753
    Likes Received:
    2,618
    Location:
    Queens, NY
    Politician: I lie.
     
    Bjørnar Munkerud likes this.
  20. Wowzie

    Wowzie Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2014
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    18
    Location:
    Pittsburgh
    Prostitute : I make people feel ways for money.
    Artist : I make people feel ways for money, with more variety!
    Druggist : Wowzie! I make people feel in ways that it's normally impossible to feel! Weeeeeeeeeee!

    eeeeeeeeeeeee

    crash.
    Doctor : I advise life itself.
    Mime : I advise life itself.
     
    Bjørnar Munkerud likes this.
  21. Helianth

    Helianth Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2014
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    11
    Nurse: Your life is actually more in my hands than in the doctors' but that doesn't mean I get paid anywhere near as much as them.
    Housekeeper: I know all your little secrets, dirty and otherwise.
    Gardener: Your children stay with you for many years, but mine are only with me during the days of spring and summer.
     
    Cave Troll likes this.
  22. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll Dark, is it not? Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2015
    Messages:
    5,901
    Likes Received:
    3,658
    Location:
    Where cushions are comfy, and straps hold firm.
    Dentist: I am legally allowed to torture you. Shove my fingers, pointy shit, and miniature power tools in your mouth and then ask you questions. And in the end I expect you to pay me a large sum of money for it.
     
    Bjørnar Munkerud likes this.
  23. Phens97

    Phens97 Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2016
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    9
    Truck driver: I drive to work so i can drive things to your work, then drive back to mine so i can drive back home and repeat the next day
    Banker: i charge you money to put your money in my safe and give it to other people in exchange for giving you back more of their money than i gave them of yours
    Barber: i cut the million of small horns growing from your head on a regular basis
    Taxi driver: i charge people to ride in my car and listen to terrible music while i drive them places
    Cowboy: i ride a large, quadrupedal herbivore around other large, quadrupedal herbivores to show keep an eye on those large, quadrupedal herbivores until i can sell them to buy more large quadrupedal herbivores.
     
    Cave Troll likes this.
  24. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll Dark, is it not? Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2015
    Messages:
    5,901
    Likes Received:
    3,658
    Location:
    Where cushions are comfy, and straps hold firm.
    Writer: I bust my ass to try and entertain with my ability of words. Your pursuit of perfection on either side
    makes you look like an ass as you judge my talents (or lack there of). :p
     
  25. Lifeline

    Lifeline Out of the Night Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2015
    Messages:
    1,902
    Likes Received:
    2,035
    Location:
    UK
    Seismologist: No, we can't predict earthquakes. No, the number of earthquakes is not rising. Honestly people, go to a soothsayer! They are far better suited to give you answers in microseconds and millimeters. At least with them you know that they know that you know that they know nothing.
     

Share This Page