K so I'm working out a story idea with a friend and I'm trying to think on this character I have forming in my mind. they would be nice and "helpful" and everything, but the thing is she is the mastermind behind the evil plan going on by the presented antagonist, who she is in control of. The character has created a dark force to track down these items which have a lot of power the hero gets summoned to the world to try and stop them. it's a pretty simple plot with a few personal twists and minor mods that I hope will refresh the idea some. so, I want the character to show up and be helpful and everything but I don't want them to seem too helpful or be a total guide or anything. At the same time I don't want it to be like "Who is she and why isn't the story over yet?
Not sure I understand - the assistant to the antagonist is the problem? Or the hero not knowing she's the assistant to the antagonist?
She's the one behind the antagonists that are presented in the story but she pretends to be a friend and aid to the protagonists.
So you're going for a friend that betrays the hero? I'd just make her a real character and not concentrate on the twist so much. Make her a well rounded character not too focused on the plot - because that would be a dead giveaway. Have her talk about other things. As a reader I'd be wondering what her motivation is in betraying someone who is supposed to be her friend. Maybe she has financial troubles and could complain about her lower middle class existence. Or why she'd pretend to be someone's friend. Maybe foreshadow this a bit. Or give the reader some clues that maybe she's not the friend she's pretending to be and that her scruples are suspect. Twists that you don't see coming are fine if they're done properly but readers usually like to make some guesses along the way. Red herrings, clues, suspicions are all good.
You want someone like Keyser Söze from The Usual Suspects. No one did it better than Kevin Spacey's character, Roger Kint.
It's worth watching if you want to see an example of the bad guy hiding in plain sight. You can probably get it at the library.
It shouldn't be "unnoticeable". You need to include some foreshadowing, otherwise it seems like you're pulling it out of nowhere.
Fun fact, every character playing a suspect in that movie was given a script in which it was revealed that they were Soze. Everyone of the suspects really does think they are him.
I never liked plot twist like this. I'd just let the audience know the character is evil from the start, but the protagonists don't, creating dramatic irony.
