NOTE: This post is not an attempt to troll. This post is an honest statement on what I personally would do if I, through an act of God, won a writing award. If I won a writing award, I'd do the following things: 1) Turn up to the ceremony blind drunk 2) Accept the award while blind drunk and drinking JD on stage. 3) Refer to the award as a "paperweight" 4) Rant about how I wrote the award winning piece of work in one day while drinking JD and wearing nothing but boxer shorts 5) Thank the awards committee on their low standards that helped me to win the award 6) Inspire the audience by telling them "If a drunken idiot like me can win this paperweight, so can you!" 7) Start smoking a cigarette on stage (Especially effective if done in a non-smoking area) 8) Leave the award ceremony and spend the prizemoney on gambling, alcohol, hookers and cigarettes.