Yeah, I noted that in my first comment. I'm still not sure whose mother one of them is riding with...
It was late (for me) and I'd had more than a few beers when I wrote it--I'll cop to that. 1.) Seeing that I've been nothing but nice to this woman, including giving her money at the vending machines when I didn't really have to, and helping her husband outside of work, yes I do believe I'm owed an explanation. Wouldn't you want one? Sans an explanation, I'm inclined to think that she's just being a bitch for no reason, and I'm sure you would come to that conclusion too. 2.) She doesn't, but I'd sure like one. If [Amy] had been super nice to someone, given them cash, etc.. then they pretty much told her to fuck off and walk for no apparent reason and I continued to ride with them, I think she'd want the same explanation. I believe it all boils down to solidarity with one's partner. Continuing to carpool with these people tells me that she agrees with them outright dissing her fiancé. (In the OP, I'm still in the habit of saying "girlfriend" because it's been so short. ) This lady doesn't believe in God, so that's not the issue. Not to mention her daughter is "living in sin" with a man currently. As for the mom situation? We ride just about everywhere else together with her mom. I don't see what the difference is here.
No, I think I really wouldn't. I don't feel that I owe anyone entry into my car or home, or an explanation when that entry is refused, even if they've been nice to me in other ways. And in my mind the same would be true of other people and my being allowed into their car or home. Now, I would feel that I had more insight into where I was in their scale of stranger-acquaintance-friend-soulmate, and I would realize that while I thought I was a friend, they're communicating that I'm an acquaintance. So I would, for example, stop with the helping-after-work. But I wouldn't feel that I was entitled to be angry, and I would try not to be angry or even annoyed. At *them*, that is. They don't owe me anything. Your fiancé, now, owes you loyalty and consideration. Another possible reason, just to brainstorm, could be that the wife doesn't want to ever ever be alone in the car with a man who isn't her husband, and she's worried about occasions when for some reason neither your fiancé or her husband go to work. Or her husband could be irrational about the same thing. It's a silly reason, but it goes into the idea that they don't owe you an explanation. In my opinion, of course.
Really, the point here is this: Like K and T said, if the tables were turned and they refused to give my fiance a ride after she'd given them money/help/etc... I'd tell them to fuck off and walk to work if i had to. It's not so much the fact that they dissed me as much as the fact that my future spouse hasn't told them to get bent over it. THAT'S what's pissing me off. If you're as loyal to your partner as she claims she is to me, then you give anyone that is rude and/or disrespectful toward them them a verbal (or physical if need be) ass kicking. Far as these carpool people are concerned, I'll just let karma handle them. When I get my car fixed, if theirs breaks down and they want a ride? Sorry, can't help ya -- have fun walkin!
On a side note: The place where I work an absence of any kind, excused or not, is grounds for immediate termination. Being alone with me should not be an issue. All I can gather at this point is that this lady is being a cunt on purpose for no particular reason other than she can.
I think that there might well be a perfectly reasonable reason. But as I said, it's reasonable to redefine these people as acquaintances, not friends, and to, as you say, decline to help them out with friend-type favors in the future. Have you spoken to your fiancé about how you feel about her actions? What did she say? (If, of course, you want to tell us.)
We're just covering old ground now. We already know that murder is the only option. So, what's the hold up?
People perceive loyalty differently. To some people it might be rude and unthinkable to refuse a ride, whether it was given by people who like you or people who don't, so it might have nothing to do with loyalty. There are also people who have to make everyone like them, and they are afraid to criticize anyone for fear of becoming unliked. Perhaps your significant other understands loyalty differently. I find fierce loyalty an admirable thing, but it doesn't work for everyone. Some people consider themselves to be above it (which might be the healthy option, heh), some people avoid such confrontations in real life 'cause, well, real life = less safe (e.g. in comparison to having no qualms in saying their piece over the internet).
Lots of caltrops in the place where she normal pulls in to pick up your gf? No I'm kidding. How about being the netter person and send her a small gift (coffee mug, tobacco pipe , etc.) with a note about how much you would appreciate the ride?
Moot point now lol. I came down with a fever and this lady callously said I could walk. I don't know exactly what was said between the two, but somewhere between the barrage of southern twanged swear words I heard something along the lines of "fucking self-absorbed bitch" and "I'm bout' to throw her bitch ass under the bus." Now were apparently riding with someone else tomorrow.
