I am writing this book about a girl who grew up in a secluded religious community. The community was attacked and she had to flee with a boy she barely knew. They move countries to try to blend in with the modern society. This story is a more coming-of-age story about a girl discovering who she is and trying to figure out what the "Truth" really is. While the romance between them is something that will gradually happen, it's not the main focus. As I have it right now, the boy won't show up in the story until chapter 4 or chapter 5. The rest of the story leading up to that point is showing what environment the girl grew up in and the subtle ways it was extremely toxic and the cause of issues she'll have later on. Is chapter 4 or 5 a good point for him to enter in? He is briefly mentioned in chapter 2 and it is hinted that the girl is interested in him.
That's impossible to answer because that's depended very much on the execution of the story. Some stories that would be far too late, others far too soon.
Basically: it needs to impact either the story (plot) or the character development. If it does neither, you can just leave it out, or at most mention it. But it seems to me that for you, it might be the second case.
It's also worth pointing out that guy's won't know anything about a coming of age story for women. It would be like me detailing what you could expect during each trimester of pregnancy even though i'm not a woman. From your description of what you want to write, it seems as though you are writing about personal event with a what-if spin on it. I'm afraid only someone who has lived that scenario would be qualified to give reliable feedback.
Au contraire mon frere, I think it is exactly like that! Males and females are alien to each other, the eternal mystery, and thank god for it. If coming of age were the same for girls as for boys, then why were there always intense initiation rituals to help the boys achieve it, but not for girls? For a boy coming of age requires the hero's journey. He must confront his fears and develop courage, and most importantly break the bond with the mother. I don't know what it entails for a female, but it seems to be quite different. The reason for initiation rituals was because the elders understood how difficult it is for a male to break that bond, and that it requires help from a lot of people, and in fact in some societies the rituals would end with the men being given a new name in a ceremony before the entire community and acknowledged as a man now, no longer a boy. I mean, you never hear anybody say "She's not a REAL woman, she's just a girl!" This kind of insult is reserved for guys, because it's possible to grow up male without becoming what's considered a man. I've heard it said that women are human beings and men are human doings, because in order to become a man you need to prove yourself. I'm not sure what exactly is involved in coming-of-age for a female. Not sure I've ever seen a movie or read a book based on it, or if I did I'm not remembering. But I would assume it has more to do with simply developing more mature ideas about sex and relationships etc. I've heard that some females, especially in today's environment, can undergo a hero's journey, if they're fairly masculine. But then there's no pressing need for females to escape from the bond with the mother as there is for the boy. They might have a bond with the father, but that isn't the same thing at all. The bond with the mother is primary for boys and girls both. A girl doesn't need to break that bond to become an adult, but a boy does. This comes from my studies into psychology and mythology.
On topic: This is a good answer. As the romance is not the primary focus of the story, you don't need the boy to show up at chapter one. When he does show, he should make a meaningful contribution to the girl's growth, the theme, or the plot (best if all of them). When that is... look at your storyline and judge, for we can't.
That's true. Coming-of-age stories are about coming into adulthood, regardless of sex, and that usually involves pushing your own cultural view of what becoming an adult means. I didn't want to bring it up originally, but what you mentioned as the path to becoming a man is not the one I grew up with. Specifically the "become independent from mom" part of it... in my culture, it isn't uncommon for men to still live with their mom well into adulthood; it's definitely not looked down upon. And the initiation rituals you cite are only evidence that the culture practicing them defines manhood that specific way, they're not proof that that is what manhood entails. My point being that @Analiese Anderson could include any themes they'd like, and they would all be valid in the "coming-of-age" scope as long as it helped their protagonist become an adult whichever way they define it. (and I guess that's what my answer to the original question is... include the romance if it helps define the MC's journey to womanhood)
I know this might not come off as helpful...but let the romance sub-plot come in when it is most appropriate. Give the main character and the story at large some room to breathe - everything else will come when it's the "right time". It's sort of a gut feeling, in my experience. For example, my own story has my protagonist have two romantic interests (at different points in the story, of course), but they are not the point of the story. They do, however, help show something about the protagonist and each love interest does change her in the long run. The fact she has these romances also reflects upon the society and culture she is living in - she is a priestess, and fraternization is against their code (in fact, it causes the protagonist's first love interest to be excommunicated, which affects the protag deeply). Long story short, romance sub plots definitely need a purpose, but they don't have to be there since page 1. Certainly you should clue your readers in to the fact that your protagonist likes the boy who will later become a love interest. If they interact at all during the first few chapters, hint at some possible chemistry between them.
