They're out there. You know it. Those authors. Their names usually in gold gothic or stencil font, leering at you from the racks in airport shops. Sometimes they'll escape this quarantine and manage to infect the world, people like Stephenie Meyer and E.L. James. And they should only be permitted to write obituaries at best. For me it's Dan Brown. He should only be permitted to write obituaries. I can imagine it would read something like this: The very old man died in the middle of the night. It was sad. Whose yours?