Why am I boring?

Or rather, why is my writing boring? Last winter I wrote a novella. It started as a short story that I wanted to do in August last year but it turned out a novella and I finished it in March this year. So I let it cool and now when I look at it it is so boring. I really don't know what it is. I am describing my characters thoughts and what he does and what he thinks and......
I think that I am writing too much. But if I don't, what will be left? Nah,,,,,I dont even know the problem. That is my problem.

 

Show don't tell! Instead of describing your characters internals, give the outer manifestations of that and let the audience figure out what it means by context.

 

Are the stakes of your story high enough? Are your characters interesting--Do they have a clear goal, plenty of conflicts (both internal and external), and some mixed in odd eccentric traits to spice him/her up.

 

Seconding Hooligan. VoG narration is fine but we like to see people doing thing, and others' reactions, etc.

 

Did you get any feedback? Sometimes what looks horrible to us isn't that bad to the reader. Also could there be too much inner reflection and not enough action?

 

I agree with both @peachalulu and @talltale

A character needs to be complex with inner and outer conflict - and something to do. If there's no story the best character will become boring as pure internal reflection bores people at some point. And the best story will become dull and boring if the characters are faint, merely means to the purpose.

I do think that a good character has to be contradictive to a certain point. I guess, everybody is like that - it's part of what makes us humans. Whilst some characters profit from being stereotypical at a part of the story (mostly at the beginning) they have to be more than that. They need something more - to make them relieable.

So you need both: a vivid, complex character and a story that actually involves some action (of any kind, for that matter).

 

Hemingway's Hills Like White Elephants just popped into my head. Good illustration of the issue IMO.

 

I totally agree with everyone. You need something to happen to this character, an adventure. Less internal monologue and more action. Show what is happening instead of tell.

Instead of:
"That's enough!" She shouted in anger.

Use:
"That's enough!" She slammed her hands on the table.

Instead of:
The necklace around her neck was beautiful.

Use:
The necklace glinted between her breasts
The necklace shimmered/shone/glimmered between her breasts/on her neck/between strands/curls of red/brown/blond/green/whatever hair.
The delicate necklace peeked out of her collar.
The necklace caught the light and scattered it up her chin/through her curls ect.

There's a thousand and one ways to describe something to the reader. It might get more wordy but make every word soak the page and drive their way into the reader's imagination.

Instead of:
A gray building was surrounded by asphalt at night.

Make it do something to portray what the building holds:
A shadowy building lurked on top of black asphalt lit by a few flickering light posts. --shiver, some crime is going to take place here

Or mix it around a little

Pools of light glared down upon the cracked asphalt lining the way to a building squatting in the center like a hungry toad waiting for a hapless fly. --Ooo something delightfully sinister will happen to the hero if he dares to enter that lit parking lot without preparation.

Tall lamps sent pools of light shimmering down to grace the fresh asphalt with cozy light. The gray building stood tall, the windows casting warm squares upon the parking lot below. --What a welcoming building, something nice is bound to be inside.

You can mix it up even more by doing something like this.

The gray building stood tall, casting warm squares of light upon the parking lot below each window. Bright lamps cast the asphalt into light. A bulb burned out as Max strolled across the black slab, plunging its area into an inky pool of darkness. --What a welcoming building...but wait, is that a sense of foreboding I feel that that the main character misses?
====
Here is a short snippet from the popular and beloved Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince:

The woman named Narcissa gained the top of the bank, where a line of old railings separated the river from a narrow, cobbled street. The other woman, Bella, followed at once. Side by side they stood looking across the road at the rows and rows of dilapidated brick houses, their windows dull and blind in the darkness.

“He lives here?” asked Bella in a voice of contempt. “Here? In this Muggle dunghill? We must be the first of our kind ever to set foot —”

But Narcissa was not listening; she had slipped through a gap in the rusty railings and was already hurrying across the road.

“Cissy, wait!”

Bella followed, her cloak streaming behind, and saw Narcissa darting through an alley between the houses into a second, almost identical street. Some of the streetlamps were broken; the two women were running between patches of light and deep darkness. The pursuer caught up with her prey just as she turned another corner, this time succeeding in catching hold of her arm and swinging her around so that they faced each other.
=====
Now, what was boring and what throbbed with interesting things? The first example was dull and the others thumped with emotions. Were you able to see Bella and Narcissa's surroundings in your mind? Of course you did. My only complaints are how Bella asked her question and some passive voice. That's a bit of telling, not showing yet it's okay here and there.

Mary Buckham, Judy Renner, and Rayne Hall are excellent authors who wrote marvelous books to help writers like you and me hone our craft and make is glitter with life.

What I'm saying is the atmosphere makes the scene. Take a look at this post of mine https://www.writingforums.org/posts/1805984/ for examples of coloring the perceptions based on the childhood of the main character with a reference on how to really set the mood quoted from one of my favorite writing help book series.

I cannot stress this enough SHOW never tell your story. Only tell in snippets here and there, like telling about how the next few days went but be concise and brief. A sprinkling of telling is okay but never ever bore the reader. Readers want to be lost in a book to where the real world vanishes. As the author, you want to make the reader afraid to read your book while cooking or doing similar tasks for fear of burning their supper. You want to grab that nose hovering over the book and yank it into your story so deeply that they come up gasping for air hours later.

We are artists of words, -- painters of the mind, sculptors of worlds! We are writers! So rewrite that story, make it sparkle with emotions, glitter with tantalizing descriptions and shiver the spine by a world so real that the reader almost believes they are in it.

It's possible, I've just done it to you without you realizing it. To think I was once so boring my own mother put down my book and told me I needed to improve because I wanted her honest opinion. Edit: I'm not trying to be patronizing, im just letting you know I've been there and studied how to write effectively before I could write this well.

 

Thank you all for valuable input. This is an example, dont mind the exact wording since it is a google translation. I think it is boring in English also:



"Are we prisoners?" Nigel wondered. "Yesterday they said we are guests. What do you think?"
"Prisoners or not, they've given us food and heat. That's not bad," Pete said. He had no desire to leave the warm cave.
"We have a package that we have to deliver," Ed said. "If we should do it?" "Why not?" Pete asked. "Pretty unpleasant to those who are waiting for it if we just ignore it."
"We have nothing to do with it," Nigel said.
"We took the ship." said Pete. "Now we have to do it. It is certainly very important. You do not send packages through space if it is not so important." The boys thought about it for a while.
"Although we do not know what the package is," Pete finally said. "So we can't do that." He thought it was pretty good that he couldn't.
"I saw something in the ship that is definitely what they want," Nigel said.

Pete gave him an angry stare. "Okay" said Ed. "We took the ship. But just because we did it, we don't have to do what the owner of the ship would do. Although we took the ship on earth, we weren't the ones who wanted to come to this planet. I have no desire to walk many miles in snow and cold to leave a package to Kuesha. They don't seem to be nice and kind people so why do we have to be nice to them? "
Pete thought he was right and didn't want to go out in the cold either. But still. They had taken the ship. They had done so that the ship's rightful owner could not do what he intended. Was it not then their duty to fulfill what the owner wanted to do? What if it was something vital as a medicine?
"We don't know what it is," he said. "It may be a medicine they must have." "Or a weapon with which to kill the Turbans," said Nigel.
"Fuck," said Pete. "Why would they have to send a weapon from another planet to fight against the Turbans? The Turbans are tecnological inferior by far."

The discussion goes on for a while.


My mother, one of my two readers, didnt really complain. But she didn't praise it either.

 

The first things that strike me are these:

You're using "said" a lot - there are many ways of saying something... connecting anything with "said" takes a lot of life out of the discussion
It's more saying, not showing... it feels a bit as if I was reading some report on a conference that doesn't bother me at all, I'm just reading it to know what was said. Litteraly just to gain information.
Try to add more emotion into it... describe the thought a little less literally, more the essence of why he's thinking it...
Let me try to give an example...

Angrily Pete stared at him. "Alright,", admitted Ed, "We took the ship. (...)" As Pete listened he agreed silently, Ed was right, they wouldn't have to do anything. He himself surely was not really into walking out into the freezing cold, especially right now. Still the doubts remained, they had taken the ship, preventing the rightful owner of completing his job. Questions popped up in his mind, pressuring him ever more... "What, if it was something as vital as a medicine?", he suddenly bursted, staring outraged at Ed. "We don't..."

Edit: correct a few minor typing mistakes and added a missing sentence

 

*Cracks knuckles* Okay, this is how I would fix this.

First some pointers. I noticed you had both character's words on the same line a few times. This is wrong. Whenever there is a new speaker do a line break, aka hit enter/return. This lets the reader know that there is a new speaker, and thus applies that character's voice in their head. This also goes for when you suggest they are speaking. The angry stare, for instance. Also there are many words and ways to say the character is speaking. Using action beats are a great way to break things up and make it interesting. However, your descriptions are flatter than a pancake and your text is like the little square of butter on top. Boring. Let's spice it up a bit as an example.

Based upon what the characters are saying, I am assuming that they are on an alien world and the ship's autopilot brought them here. Furthermore, I am betting that they were unprepared for such a harsh winter setting. They stole a ship, presumably from a shady guy, which is suggested by the line "They had done so that the ship's rightful owner could not do what he intended." Anyhow, I'll break it down below this.
====
Nigel played with a stick. "Are we prisoners or guests?"
"I don't care if we are prisoners, we have full bellies and heat." Pete scooted closer to the fire.
"Should we deliver this package?" Ed gestured to it sitting off to the side. "These dudes ain't very nice."
"Why not?" Pete tossed his own stick in the fire. "There'll be some ticked off people if they don't get it."
"It's none of our business." Nigel picked up a nearby stone and lobbed it into the flames.
"We stole that ship." Ed lowered his voice. "That means we took the job. You don't send just any old package through space."
Wind whistled through the cave, making the fire flicker madly.
"But we don't know what's in the package so we can't do that." Pete shook his head and rested his elbows on his knees.
"Maybe they want something else in the ship?" Nigel jerked his thumb in the ship's general direction.
Pete glowered at him.
"Okay!" Ed held up his hands to stave off an argument. "So what if we stole the ship. We didn't want to come here so why trek miles through the snow to Kuesha?"
"What if it's medicine?" Pete plucked another stick from the pile and stoked the fire.
"Or a weapon to kill the Turbans," Nigel said darkly and plucked at his coat.
Pete swore and threw the stick into the fire with so much force that the embers scattered. "Why send a weapon from earth to fight the Turbans? They're too primitive."
====
Now for the breakdown.
====
Nigel played with a stick. "Are we prisoners or guests?" Your version was way too wordy. This is not real life. Readers do not want to plow through rambling dialogue. Compress it down into punchy sentences. A movie doesn't ramble, why should a book?
"I don't care if we are prisoners, we have full bellies and heat." Pete scooted closer to the fire. This action enforces that he doesn't want to leave the cave. I also changed the way both of them talk. Nigel is more precise, while Pete, who I assume is the main character, is a little more wordy yet still doesn't ramble. I also tossed in full bellies instead of food, to suggest that this matters to Pete.
"Should we deliver this package?" Ed gestured to it sitting off to the side. "These dudes ain't very nice." I put the package there because it is vital to the conversation. There is no sense talking about it without it sitting nearby. Also I added the nice line here instead of below to break up the dialogue. I also added two simple slang terms in his speech, to further establish a different character. But be warned, only pick a few common slang words or your book will seem dated at best or hard to read at worse. And above all else avoid too many phonically spelled words. Remember K.I.S.S Keep It Simple Stupid. And no, I'm not calling you that, its a saying over in the states.
"Why not?" Pete tossed his own stick in the fire. "There'll be some ticked off people if they don't get it." You were rambling again. Of course it's unpleasant if they don't get the package, and it's suggested that the boys could just ignore it so it does not have to be said.
"It's none of our business." Nigel picked up a nearby stone and lobbed it into the flames. I compressed what he said earlier and added an action beat. Boys like throwing things into fires but calling a fire a fire too often, too close gets boring so I chose flames.
"We stole that ship." Ed lowered his voice. "That means we took the job. You don't send just any old package through space." Punchy yet a little wordy like Pete is being portrayed. Because he lowered his voice as though not wanting anyone else to hear adds a little emotion. Having all the characters talk the same gets monotonous and boring. Each character led different lives, even if you don't show it. I suggest you sit down and imagine how each boy was raised, and not the same because they are individuals with their own perceptions. Place an apple in front of 3 different people and tell them to describe it in one word, you will get different words. Juicy, Round, Red, ect.
Wind whistled through the cave, making the fire flicker madly. See what I did there? I enforced that they are in a cave around a fire, plus gave the reader a pause to suggest that the boys were thinking. This brings your world to life. Little mentions like that really draws the reader in. Even in the heat of battle mention something from outside the event, a sound is a very effective way to achieve this, for do not live in a silent world. Give them a place to have their conversation and don't forget to include cues to avoid the talking head syndrome.
"But we don't know what's in the package so we can't do that." Pete shook his head and rested his elbows on his knees. I took out the thoughts because that is telling not showing. I also added a tad of emotion here by having his posture change.
"What if they want something in the ship?" Nigel jerked his thumb in the ship's general direction. Questions arouse the reader's curiosity. If a few people are having a discussion or a heated argument, interject questions to break it up. Although real life people can argue back and forth for hours, it would be a very dull scene to read. Punch and zing makes good dialogue.
Pete glowered at him. There are many ways to say someone gave someone an angry stare. An angry stare. Think about it, how many professional books actually has the term "an angry stare" in it. Next to none because it's boring. Put more zing into it. Glowered, glared, Thesaurs.com is your friend.
"Okay!" Ed held up his hands to stave off an argument. "So what if we stole the ship. We didn't want to come here so why trek miles through the snow to Kuesha?" This is a lot punchier than you had, and Ed already said they weren't nice so it's not needed down here. Again, Ed is the wordy one.
Pete thought...of course he is thinking, who else would be thinking except for the main character. However all of this is just hashing the previous information so I cut it out. and Pete says the last line in the very next paragraph so even that is not necessary.
"What if it's medicine?" Pete plucked another stick from the pile and stoked the fire. Short with some zing. Plus it's a question, so even more zing.
"Or a weapon to kill the Turbans," Nigel said darkly and plucked at his coat. Yes I added a 'said' a few sprinkled here and there is okay but it's best to add an action beat to it as well but said, said, said, said and asked are overused words and can jar the reader out of the story faster than someone slamming on the brakes.
Pete swore and threw the stick into the fire with so much force that the embers scattered. "Why send a weapon from earth to fight the Turbans? They're too primitive." Notice I omitted the word fuck, which is frowned upon in modern writing. Now, if you were writing about gangsters or other such low life the then a fuck here and there would be okay but most people would be jarred out of the book to hear a few boys to say it unless it's like a teenager rebelling against someone and they scream FU as a final insult. Instead I suggested it and added a violent reaction that further cements that the boys are in a cave around a fire.
====
Now, based on what style of POV you want, third limited, close third, observer, first person or the often misused omniscient, (not advised for newbies) it would change drastically. I chose the third limited for this, for that seems to be what you are going for. I highly recommend Rayne Hall's Writer's Craft books to start you out with. Her simple book series has helped me far more than any others, although, Judy Renner and Mary Buckham are also great. Rayne Hall has them for around 5 bucks, but, if you get the kindle unlimited then you can read all of them for free and only have to drop 13 usd a month.

 

What helps me is to have a specific point to make or a scene to lead to. When I feel like my scenes or characters aren't going anywhere, that's when I feel the writing starts to get boring.

 

I don't even think it's about showing vs. telling. It wouldn't be any more interesting to me if it was showing, because there's not enough of who these people are.

It's boring because you're not giving any clues as to who these people are or their motivations or internal conflicts. What you've written is just about what seem like cardboard cutouts of strangers, rather than having them coming across as people.

Give me an interesting character and I'll follow them almost anywhere. Figure out, for yourself, who they are as people, and their backstories, and then use that to create well-rounded characters.

ETA: It's like overhearing a conversation as you walk by and continuing to walk on by instead of lingering to eavesdrop because the people who are talking are so interesting and you want to know what happened. That's the difference.

 

Well, that's true, I left the actual personalities to the OP. I only added a few vocal keys here and there to make each character talk unique.

Don't forget to write extensive backstories for each character. But only sprinkle it in the book itself. The backstories are for you and you alone to use as reference. Add their descriptions and any relevant data. Put in one of their solo adventures so you get a feel of how the character reacts to things and make each character different. After that sit down and "interview" each character. Pretend they are sitting before you in a cafe, or restaurant and ask them questions about themselves. Imagine them answering you. Don't forget to have them munch or drink during the interview. How would Nigel drink his coffee or munch on his biscuit? Would he gulp it down? Would he add cream and/or sugar? Would he take a big bite? Nibble it? Pull it apart and eat it? Sprinkle that in the conversation. PM me for an example file I made some time back for my villain, if I can find it. But you Must not share it. Use it as an example then make your own. Send it to me and I'll look over it. I might even have some questions for Nigel, or whoever you pick.

 

The thing could be that your character isn't interesting, the story isn't worth telling at all or maybe it's just not worth telling from your MC's point of view or with your MC as the MC.

Does it have conflict? Does it have enough conflict? Does it have too much conflict? Do your characters develop over the story? If they're the same at the end as they are at the beginning then the events of the story weren't enough to make them evolve. They weren't put in positions that put them out of their comfort zone.

If it's just that the words themselves are boring then rewrite the words. Experiment with the style of writing, use stronger language to describe things. Enrich your world with words, words are all you have in a book.

 

Moderator hat on here: I need to remind everybody (including @mariaMonleon ) that you're not allowed to post your actual work for feedback here on the threads ...ONLY in the workshop area. This particular discussion evolved naturally, and the piece you included isn't all that long, mariaMonleon, so I'll let it stand as it is. But this is not a section of the forum to get specific critique of what you've written. This is a place to get general advice about how to write Character Development. Posting a couple of lines is okay, to show an example of the specific topic, but any more really belongs in the Workshop.

That being said, I totally agree with what @Shenanigator said. Tinkering with the words themselves isn't going to help to bring the story to life if there isn't much life there to begin with.

Maybe step back from your story and have a good long think. What makes the characters interesting to YOU, the writer? How have you conveyed your interest to your readers? Or have you just been assuming it's there?

It's hard for us to give you specific pointers, until we see more of your writing itself. Once you've become a full Member and fulfilled your Workshop requirements (see New Member Quick Start if you haven't already) I would strongly suggest that you post your entire FIRST chapter in the Novel section of the Workshop and let our members give you feedback. (Do say at the start that it's the first chapter of a Novella, just so they know.) This will give us a chance to see how you introduce your characters and make them interesting from the start. A snippet from the middle of the story doesn't give us anywhere to start from or anything much to go on.

I'm glad you're concerned about this issue, but you might find out, after getting feedback, that it's not as bad as you'd feared. I think we all reach a stage in our writing where we think, gaaahhh, this is shite! Then we read it again, in a different mood, and think, well, it's not THAT bad, is it?

End note:

Can we all please go back to discussing general character development issues—how to keep from being 'boring' while developing a character—and wait to discuss maria's actual writing until she is able to post it in the Workshop? I don't want to shut down such an informative thread, but it really can't be allowed to replace the Workshop's function.

Thanks - Jan.

 

@jannert is right. As a first try, it isn't too bad. You have four kids who somehow got caught up in some wild off planet adventure to deliver some kind of package. That's a decent plot right there. It kinda reminds me of an Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito movie I once watched, can't remember the name, I think it was Twins, yeah twins, that's it. If I were you I would watch that comedy just to make sure you don't accidentally do the same thing. Oh and don't forget to keep an eye on a beer bottle.

I've done that on a webcomic/game concept. My friend was like "ooo a girl bunny cop, like the one in Zootopia?" I immedately downloaded it and watched it to make sure Alex was nothing like Judy Hopps. It's an adorable movie. I enjoyed it so much that I watched it 6 times. The settings and plot are completely diffeent but the characters, although they are both brown girl bunnies look nothing alike. Mine are more humanoid while Zootopia animals are well, like animals. Anyhow. My point is if someone says your book is like another work then watch/read it to make sure it isn't exact and if it's too close don't be afraid to rewrite it in another direction.

You kind of remind me of myself as a young writer. All bright eyed with an idea for a story. My first book started out with a bad case of the talking heads syndrome. Like a new toy, I played with it for a while, refining, fixing it the best I could but because there was no books teaching how to write, I eventually put it down for years. I often thought of that story and based a webcomic on it that people enjoyed but I injured my wrist and went 3d. One and a half years later Daz 3d updated and completely trashed my files. I started fighting with the program to render complex scenes anyway. I spent hours making a low polygon library and it still wouldn't render. The characters are high detailed, yes, but it comes with the high cost of resources. But I took the experience, learned from it and became a pretty good 3d modeler. My point here is, never give up, if someone say's its trash keep polishing it until it shines but don't be afraid to tuck your firstborn baby away and move on to a different baby if this just doesnt turn out right. Write, write, write. Polish your craft.

You, my young writer friend, have two things I didn't all those years ago, this forum and the opportunity to read countless how to write books. Some of them are trash, but there are some great gems out there. After a quick look I didnt find my favorites in my local library, (maybe some day I'll fix that) but they are on amazon. See if you can't afford at least a few months of the kindle club and read some of Rayne hall's Writer's craft books, Mary Buckham's settings books, and Judy Renner's Sizzle books. Add some zing to your thing! Every one of us can improve. No one is perfect. If we were perfect then this would be a very dull world

 

In keeping with policy, I read just a few lines. It was enough to see that you have a valid story. Following Jannert's lead, I will state that in this situation, one must step back and catalogue what is being presented, then play 'what if?' and fill in what happened before or next or after. Look to see if you know something you haven't actually shown the reader, then 'what if?' again. Bear in mind this will certainly generate more than you probably need. It is not for content. It's for concept/context. Now go forth a do your critiques and involve yourself in threads here and let us find out who you are

 

Yeah, I think this thread has given you plenty of things to think about. I'm slowly working my way to 100 posts so I can safely post in the collaboration thread without penalty. You also have to be a 6 month member, and since I created this account almost 2 years ago then I'm safe. Life demanded I had to take a break.

As some guy said above, go forth and find posts to involve yourself in. Don't just do spam posts, like "good work," and stuff. Make it constructive. Involve yourself in the conversation like other members. Add your honest opinion to works and posts. Be yourself and let us get to know you.

PS, I hope I dont come off as a know it all. I just love to share knowledge and help when I can.

 

Hmm

I am reading the feedback here, do you think that stories can be boring because of the tense?

I mean is telling mainly a past tense thing. Showing being a present tense thing?

I know things are never that simple but I am just trying to think of a mechanism that will prompt / produce better results for showing rather than telling.

Xade wonderful informative contributions by the way.

 

No offense, but your characters have no personality, or they have all the same bland personality. Try zhuzhing it up a little by amping their personalities putting more distinct traits between them. eg:

"Are we prisoners now?" Nigel asked, pacing. "Yesterday they said we were guests, but today I definitely feel more like a prisoner. What do you think?"
"Meh." Pete turned over in his cot. "Does it matter? We've got plenty of steak and a warm dank cave to sleep in." He paused to stretch out and drape his arm over his eyes. "If we are guests it'd be rude to leave and if we aren't, that's not really our decision."
"What about our package?" Ed reminded them, stowing his gear after checking it for the hundredth time. "I bet someone's awfully eager to get what we've got."
"That's what she said," Pete chirped in. Ed ignored him.
"What's that got to do with us, though?" Nigel stopped his perimeter sweep to face Ed cross armed. "I mean we don't even know what it is." Ed stood to face him.
"I don't think that really matters. First, people don't send packaged halfway across the galaxy unless there's something important in them, and second, we took the ship. We have to do it; out of duty; out of honour; out of...
"You just really don't want to give the ship back, do you?" Pete poked an eye out from under his arm to watch as Ed deflated and sat back down.
"It is a really nice ship." Nigel agreed.
"I know, did you see the size of the cup holders?"
"Ion cannons both fore and aft!"
"... and change slots for every coin, from penny to quarter!"

 

Sorry, guys. This HAS really turned into a Workshop thread, despite my statement warning about that earlier.

This isn't fair to people who do wait till they've fulfilled all the requirements before posting their work. The New Member OP made an honest mistake when posting the lengthy excerpt, so no blame attached. But I'm afraid further discussion of this particular piece of writing will need to wait till it can be posted in the Workshop.

Consequently, I am locking this thread. However, it's a good thread with lots of information in it already. It can continue to be read—just not added-to any longer.

Thanks to all who have participated.