Why am I obsessed with my character?

I agree with this. Though a similar thing like the Ray Bradbury story is a great read, it sounds like the OP is going a little crazy. I'm not saying he is, but writers write and continue to write. Nothing ever hinges on one character when it comes to your talent and ability to write. You say you can't write anymore, you can't edit your work. It sounds like this is a bigger issue than writing. I suggest you seek help outside of writing forums and talk to someone in the real world. Even if it's just a friend or someone close to you. Tell them about this and see what they think you should do. This no longer sounds like a writing issue if it ever was.

 

I'm having to wait 6 more months to see a psychiatrist. I'll admit I have depression but this character has been here as long as I can remember and I identified as him as a child even, not just identifying as him that I relate to him (since I had little to no life experiences to relate to him with soon after I made him) but I'll feel like I am him and this body isn't mine. I remember being in the womb then being born but it feels like the memories of being this fictional character came directly before that.

I had seizures as a child, so perhaps it messed up my memory and explains the creativity nobody else in the family had?

 

I agree that this also doesn't seem like a writing issue anymore. The OP has said that the story cannot be changed from its original version, the character refuses to be altered or changed in anyway, has taken over her mind and identity and has become part of her own consciousness, essentially. I'm not sure what we can offer by way of advice, as this has moved from a writing issue to something else.

I think @jannert's advice of using this obsession to write a larger, greater story -- perhaps about the obsession itself -- is excellent. However, based on the response, it doesn't seem to be a viable option for her.

@KaceyFarley - have you tried writing out a conversation with this character? I know this is going to seem a bit farfetched (though no more so than the premise of this entire thread, I think) but have you written out a dialogue wherein you ask him what he wants?

 

I've tried that but I get no response.

 

I'm sincerely trying to understand the situation. Would you mind explaining more about your character's original story? You said people would get jealous of him and his wife. Why? And why did a gang kill him?

 

Because his wife was white. He was the only Arab in the town so people ganged up on him and killed him. I suppose people were very racist back in those days. He was American, so perhaps it was KKK related, or something.

 

So...you said you created him when you were very young. Have you ever tried to write out his story as a narrative, from beginning to end? It sounds like you don't have a very clear picture of exactly what happened. As far as writing and a story goes, it sounds like you have a basic idea of a plot but none of the details. Have you tried writing the details? Everything? The scene where he meets his wife, their wedding, interactions between them, the rising conflict in his community about their interracial marriage?

 

The memory of it's fading but the emotion is still there and vivid as ever. I 'remember' what his wife looked like and I swear I saw her at one point. My brother said he saw her too 9 years later but I think he was just winding me up.

 

I think you're more fixated on him being a real entity, phantasm or otherwise, than being a piece in a work of fiction. My original conclusion holds. This is no longer a subject on writing for you, it has moved into the realm of mental health.
If you do have depression/anxiety (like moose said, many of us here do) you should be seeing a psychologist -- not just a psychiatrist. Psychiatry is where you go for medication, and psychology where you go for therapy/overcoming your issues. Assuming you have a psychologist, speak to him/her about this sooner rather than later so you don't keep feeling upset by it. Do not wait to bring it up to a psychiatrist. Likely he'll just medicate you for it anyway. If you don't have a psychologist, get one. Don't deal with depression and anxiety alone. And if you can't move on from this negative experience and you feel like this presence in your life his becoming more obsessive, get help. I really don't know what else we here can offer you.

 

Nobody saw her, not you nor your brother. She isn't real. You made her up. You may have seen someone and thought that's how you pictured this fictional character, but it wasn't her. There is no her. If you are having a hard time recognizing what's real and what's is not real, I don't think you should wait six months to talk to someone. Someone will see you sooner if you explain what's going on. You can also go to your local ER. They will help you, and that might speed things up and get seen by a doctor sooner. Honestly, I'm not sure you should be writing at all right now. Something is going on where you seem to have a hard time knowing what's real and what's pretend. I imagine that could be quite scary. Come back to writing when you are in a better place. Right now, the best thing you could do for yourself is to seek help.

 

Get this straight: You and your interests and nostaglias came first. These characters came second. They came out of you, not the other way around.

I'll say it again: As much as you're lamenting over all this, I think you're actually enjoying it. Everyday life can be boring, and something like this can add a bit of safe drama.

My take, anyway. Ignore if it doesn't apply.

 

Well, if he's set in the 1920s, the whole Rudolph Valentino "Sheikh" thing was all the rage. Arabs (in their own milieu, at least) were considered to be the sexiest things going.

What I'm saying is that this character is not some mysterious entity from the past that's taken over your consciousness. He's a conception out of your own mind, and your own mind can get him under control.

If you choose, that is.

 

We have the Samaritans for mental health here, too.

 

There are far worse things to be obsessed with and addicted to. Least it isn't drugs or alcohol or some other risky disorder. Take that passion and use it to motivate you to finish a novel with him in it.

 

I'm wondering if those seizures somehow messed up my brain giving me false memories of being this character. It hasn't happened with any subsequent character(s). The 'memories' are enough that it traumatized me (for example, I'm terrified of sharp objects and I get a bad/deathly sensation while walking through woods, because that's where he got killed.)

 

@Kacey- I'm no medical expert but yes, I believe seizures certainly could cause what you've described. If you google something like "seizures and psychiatric symptoms" you should find some reliable sources of information. Best wishes to you.

 

Ah, okay then. I'm wondering how this could be resolved.

 

It could be the right health care provider would be a neurologist but you might want to start with your primary care physician (or you might have to, depending on your insurance). For example, the insurance I have now lets me go straight to a specialist if I decide to but under my old plan, I'd have had to be referred to a specialist by my PCP.

 

I'd call it irrelevant. Totally irrelevant. It came from online trolls who are trying to upset you, just for a laugh. This has nothing whatsoever to do with your character.

I'm leaning towards what the other people on this forum have suggested. This isn't a writing issue. It does sound as if this situation is dominating your life, and not in a good, creative way. It's not supernatural. It's real. By real, I mean the feeling of being dominated is real, not the cause of it.

If you are suffering depression and have had seizures, you can, in your most lucid moments, understand how these physical conditions could be feeding your sense of obsession. Get them dealt with, ASAP.

 

@Kacey- Do you have health insurance (if you are in the US)? I think you had mentioned something earlier about having to wait six months when discussing seeing a psychiatrist, is why I'm asking.

 

Healthcare's mostly free in the UK and I'm on one of the shortest waiting lists in the country.

 

Oh, okay. Maybe you can get to a neurologist or general practitioner sooner? I don't know how it works over there but perhaps a GP could at least prescribe you something to take the edge off in the meantime? If it causes you a lot of distress, six months could be a long wait. :/