I will never forget an experiment on women I conducted a few years ago. I had always been a very nice, polite, fairly soft-spoken person when it came to females. I kept my head and face shaved nice and clean, presented myself in an up-standing manor. But I couldn’t get a girlfriend to save my life. OH, I had plenty of “friends”…but no girlfriend. I would listen to female complaints about men, and tried to be the opposite of everything that they claimed to dislike. Funny thing was; they type of guys females complained about, were the very ones that attracted them. My final year of high school I moved to a different State, and I was determined to change my image. I stayed with my cousin who was everything that I wasn’t. ..A thug. I grew out my hair, had it braided, drove my cousin’s car, wore baggy cloths, talked with slang, and became as obnoxious as it was possible for me to be. Women swarmed in my direction. Lots of times I didn’t even have to approach them; they came to me. I enjoyed the attention, but at the same time it really saddened me that in order for women to even notice me, I had to pretend to be a thug. Even ‘til this day…I notice a lot of women who say that they want a certain type of man. But then you look at the person who they are with…and he is nothing like what they claim they want. * * * I had one such young lady have the nerve to tell me that all men are dogs, and that there is no such thing as a “good man”. I replied that if there are indeed no good men left in the world, a lot of it has to do with society. The truth of the matter is that men (strait men) want to be what is attractive to women…and I’m really REALLY not trying to seem sexist, but it seems more times than not that “good guys” get overlooked. More and more young men are catching on to this much earlier than I did. I’m older now, long grown out of that thuggish stage of my life. I see women who get disrespected in the worse way, and they always go back for more.Then they hold a grudge against all men. Women, why is that? I guarantee that if men saw that being a “good guy” paid off, then there would be a hell of a lot more of them.
Well, from a high school girl's point of view (me), the reason why most girls do that, is because they want to seem "hard-to-get". Most of the girls, however, don't really realize that some of those features actually turn them on. Me, I'm not that much in denial about what attracts me. Rocker boys that don't smoke, drink, and do drugs, dark hair, any colored eye, taller than me, etc. What you are talking about are the shallow girls who just don't really know what to do with themselves. Being in high school, that's my outlook on the people who think that "this-this-and-this" is obnoxious and stupid, but really, they're just playing hard to get. That's my little opinion over this.
What's wrong with the situation though? I find it helpful and useful. While those stupid little girls are paying their useless attentions to those thuggish prats the awesome women, on the other hand (who you're paying no attention to), are free for dating. Except they don't have low standards of themselves or the guys they want to date. So scrub up, be a man. This means being you and not some generic model of other people's opinions of what manhood is or isn't. And like I mentioned, if you're having no luck being you then it's because you're not paying attention to the good women...or are not looking in the right places--and don't bother with nightclubs or bars. By today's standards of lowlife they are the worst places to go looking for someone decent! I'll bet that somewhere simple and common like the local grocers will have that dream woman over a nightclub anyday of the week.
As a high shool student I am learning this first-hand, and it is quite perplexing. Might help if I become more out-going but oh well. I like what Max said, it seems very true as I have seen it even at my school.
I did the "bad boy" thing for a while. Man, did I date some winners! One guy emotionally abused the hell out of me, and after we broke up, he guilt tripped me into sleeping with him even when I was dating other people. He would honestly nag and stalk and verbally abuse me until I cried and finally gave in. I also dated a heroin addict, a control freak, a masochist (who burned himself with lighters and cigarettes everytime we got into a fight), and a guy who lied to me about having heart problems so that I wouldn't be mad at him when he didn't call me for weeks at a time. I found my very own nice guy, though, and I could never go back to the other kind. Two years later, I can still say I've never been more satisfied with a relationship. I think that most girls are initially attracted to bad boys because they like the "dangerous" streak. Those kind of guys, at first glance, seem so "manly" and fearless. James Dean, anyone? Then the girls stay with these guys because they think that they can tame them or change them. Big, big mistake. Many girls can identify this problem early on, and they wise up. Some never get it, though.
Further to my earlier response, not forgetting the women who do have low self esteem issues in that they don't see themselves worthy of having a nice guy in their lives to treat them good. Make a difference, be an original guy and not some cardboard cutout. That's where the respect from authentic people come from.
It is disturbing to me how on the mark Kincaid was. No, it isn't sexist - sexism is meeting a woman and assuming that she can't lift things or understand things. What you noticed does seem to be true for some young girls, perhaps the majority. At my school, there was a strong counter-culture that said that it was "wrong" to be single, to object to abuse, or to stand up for yourself if you were a girl. No doubt some of those girl eventually grew up to be the bitter and ignorant women you met who said "all men are dogs." They are wrong, although it may be too late to teach them otherwise. Have hope. There are many others who have been raised differently or who had a head on their shoulders to begin with. But I don't think I can answer the "why is that" question any better than you could answer the question "why do men / boys drag race" or "why do people put themselves into harmful situations such as drinking and driving, having an abusive girlfriend, or going into certain areas of France alone".
yes, i know you say that "good guys" get overlooked, but what about the "fat" lasses, or the ones that dont walk around with their "breasts" on show. lasses do so much to try and make lads like them, it works exactly the same as you said. instead of being the "bad boy" we need to be the "easy one" otherwise we get overlooked. and yes, i do it myself sometimes, but we all (or most of us) will grow out of it in a few years time so it doesn't really matter i think. Heather
I have had this discussion before. I am still at a loss for what to say. I am with a nice guy. He is a great dad. I have to admit though I sometimes like it when he is meant o me. Maybe because I then have to prove to him that I am worht it for him to come crawling back and appologize??? i dunno just a thought. maybe im just wierd. Not shallow though
