I think I know this answer, but it's nagging nonetheless. My character is talking to herself, playing the role of two people. So does each character's dialogue go in the same paragraph or a new one?
Stylistic choice. I think in most such cases I'd start a new paragraph, but you could certainly make it work in a single paragraph, particularly if it is relatively short.
I'd keep it in the same paragraph, personally. 'Why do you say that? I don't know, just kinda think it's the right choice. Seems a bit odd to me. Could be confusing. Confusing? Yeah, like just then, with two periods. I see what you're saying, but I still think it's the way to go. Alright, but some people are going to get lost. Well, can't help that. You can. Sure, but it would be just as odd to have separate paragraphs, just a different kind of odd. I guess. Coffee? No thanks, I have yoga at three.'
Here's the paragraph in question: “You’re going to get us all killed or worse, Brindilyn,” I said aloud, mocking Corrine’s words from a week ago. She knew my name was Brin but called me that to irk me. “Or I’m going to save the village from extinction and if you weren’t so stupid you’d know that.” I played this game all the time out here, giving the retorts I wanted to say but never did. It may still need revising.
Thanks. I thought the wording was OK a couple hours ago but have decided it's not quite perfect since then. It's akin to needing perfection in the grammar, I need perfection in the text. I think it's good, then the flaws become more apparent. But I am confident that I've narrowed the opening chapter to just needing the most minor tweaking at this point. This is after a half dozen major rewrites.
