ROFL, If only my bad was as good as some of these... Dyslexia and a super fast typing speed ( while looking at the keys ) does not a good sentance make. I have to edit my work so many times to fix things it's not even funny. For Example: this is from my notes for the chapter I am working on now... They drive the short distance to the mall André standing in line a the Starbucks, Sorry ladies I need my java jolt before I do anything. He says with a grin.
This was written when I was 8, for my first story, Davy Jones and (oh, I can't remember. I think it was the Evil Olaf or something). "And then as the man stepped onto the rope, it swung up, pulling him by the leg. Davy Jones rushed out and caught him, handcuffing him and putting a pistol to his ear."
I agree that that's really not that bad. I've written worse. When I first started writing I was an emo kid with a fondness for purple prose. You can probably imagine the crap writing that would result. I could dig out my old journals, open to a random page, and find at least one example of terrible writing. However, it's two in the morning, so I'm not going to.
I came across something nice while cleaning up my computer (apart from the old photo of an ex-crush ) "There they all were, smartly dressed and eagerly or slightly fearfully waiting for Derek to address them." Great use of adverbs, even if i do say so myself...
This thread makes me wish I'd saved my old stuff. I abused adjectives adverbs like they'd dishonored my sensei. Don't remember any whole sentences, but I do remember having a character with "flashing, brown eyes." Apparently, I didn't know how anatomy worked when I was 13.
Alexis, a blond girl with blue eyes with short hair swung on a cold metal swing in her very huge garden, the garden was filled with roses, colured colours of the rainbow. The tree touched the blue clear sky. I can't even... And this: Next to this big garden was house made out from bricks and painted light blond. When I was 10. I didn't even know colours properly. Blonde house? >.>
My favorite part is the blue eyes with short hair. That's something totally new and different that I'd like to see. Thanks for sharing.
How about this beauty: 'James found himself sitting next to a slim well built, grinning man with a untidy brown mop of hair.' Don't ask me how someone can be slim and well-built at the same time, I was 10.