Writing from a male's perspective?

OK, let's see:

Not sure I needed to say, sure, some people believe the stereotypes and ignore the overlap. It's a given.

 

Men don't cry?

Seriously?

I cringe when any character cries at the drop of a hat, male or female. And I don't cringe when crying is an understandable response, male or female. But like I mentioned earlier, I write mostly male characters - and I'm female. Do my male characters cry? Sure. They also punch like a cannon at times. But that's because they're people first, gender... well, down there toward the bottom somewhere.

 

I think that one way to address differences between male and female characters could be through the stereotypes that the characters themseves perceive, both the ones that they aspire to and the ones that they want to avoid.

One man may want to be seen as powerful and commanding. Another man may want to avoid that impression. A woman might want to be seen as polite and feminine. Another woman may want to reject that stereotype and may go out of her way to be direct and uncompromising.

Understanding motivations can produce unexpected results. A man who is quiet and polite might be rebelling against his father's expectation that he behave in a stereotypical male-aggressive manner. A woman who is direct and forthright may be rebelling against her mother's expectation that she behave in a deferential and stereotypical female-submissive manner. Their behavior might be utterly different, but they might find that they have that rebellion in common, and they might be the best of friends as a result.

 

Men do cry, but are you saying it is common, and in addition, as common as females cry?

 

I'm saying it depends on the individual, not the gender.

 

I find this helpful, well said. And let's not forget some people just love to play the stereotype, it's just that the writer (read: the character/narrator) should recognize this, that they're behaving like they're expected to behave for one reason or another.

Many men are taught at an early age not to cry. So if the writer makes their boys cry, it might be a good idea to take into consideration the society the characters live in, their upbringing, etc. Let's put it this way: many a man feels like crying or wants to cry, but many of them don't cry.

I do agree with others; write_ characters_ first. Gender is less relevant. But it is relevant, and that's why many of us talk about preferring one gender/sex over the other in our writing, instead of saying, "I prefer writing fighters," etc.

I also second letting males read your manuscript once you've gotten something down. Make sure that more than one guy reads it. Oftentimes I find the feedback of my husband invaluable. It's not like his opinion is the gospel truth, but it gives me tools to work with.

We can't pretend we're gender blind, 'cause most of us are not. Just last week I chatted with one of the women in my boxing group. I told her my Monday evenings are super-busy 'cause I have both, fencing and boxing lessons. She asked has anyone ever told me I'm "manly", because apparently she gets it all the time, especially from women. The outside world still loves to place us into neat little boxes, so that's probably worth remembering when you write your guy. Maybe he gets shit from other boys for being sensitive or pretty or whatever.

 

This is how gender voice issues came to my attention, not my husband, buy rather the critique group I share my work with.

I find it interesting here that people are so adamant gender impact on voice is of such a minor concern. I wonder if people are misinterpreting what is being said. I wonder if people are so busy defending this:

That they are missing this:

 

I just realized I think like a man.

 

It's okay to show a man crying about something big, like something terrible happened to his child. When I was pregnant with my youngest, we found out at the ultrasound that he had didn't have his left hand or forearm. Afterwards, my husband broke down in the car because he didn't want our son being treated horribly. I, on the other hand, was happy he didn't have a worse birth defect. I did not cry. I think my reaction would be more unrealistic if in a work of fiction.

 

Deleted multiple post.

 

Yes, it will certainly affect the reactions of others to the person, which are going to be reflective of the society they live in. But the gender isn't going to change how I write my character, because I'm writing an individual. I think it is a mistake for aspiring writers to start assigning traits to, or worse yet altering traits, of their character based on gender. You just need to consider what type of person the character is and write that. Unless you're doing something where you intend the character to embody certain societal stereotypes.

 

I think there's a subtle difference between societal stereotypes and societal expectations. My 18 year old male character has a cry in chapter 2 for perfectly good reasons, but he manages to hold his tears in till he's alone. If he'd been female I'd have probably have let her cry straight away, because there would have been a lower chance of ridicule and a higher chance of receiving comfort. They've acted differently because they are female and thus there is less societal incentive to hide their emotions in public.

 

Try writing one scene or a few pages from the guys perspective before you totally make the switch to see if you're
comfortable with that pov. I actually feel most comfortable writing from guys perspectives - despite being a woman.
I'm not sure why, but I lived with a lot of guys and their perspective fascinates me. I know that my view can be
flawed at times so I try to keep up a steady research. Observing guys, taking notes and asking questions.

 

A fair point, @plothog.

 

Wow, I can imagine how that felt for both of you. I do hope you ended up with a happy healthy baby. Kids missing limbs from birth do seem to do very well, but the teasing can be tough especially when they are little.

 

Eh. There's a few more differences than that.

 

*shrugs* Yes, there might be. But from what I've seen, that's all I've witnessed. You can say that guys don't cry as often as females, but they do still cry, even if they hold their emotions on the inside most of the time. I've been near men that have cried. There's an emotional impact behind it all, but they still do it.

My opinion, write the character as a damn character, male or female. Then revise over the inconsistencies.

 

And, even if on average guys are less likely to cry in public, that doesn't mean you can't have a male character who does cry in public. Generalizations should not be limiting when dealing with specific characters.

 

And I think this is what people are doing here. I mean, gods forbid, if you don't make a female that's more emotionally distraught than a male, then you're just doing it wrong. *sniffs*

Rick has a crying episode in my novel, and it's not awkward at all, because there's a reasoning behind it. I can see that if a random guy just starts crying out of nowhere how that's just weird, unless they've taken estrogen pills or are possibly bipolar, though.

 

Don't you just love it when someone takes their own personal hang-up and turns it into a "rule" about writing? The very fact that he used the word "sissy" speaks volumes.

Getting back to the OP, there is a range of behaviors and traits that are more common to women than to men, and vice-versa. The lines are not hard and fast. What is most important is that, as your character evolves, you make sure you are consistent with the type of person (s)he is. That is, if he's a quiet, sensitive guy, he's not suddenly loud, brash and ready to beat up everyone in the bar.

 

Men and women come in many different types so it's really hard to nail down what makes a man a man and what makes
a woman a woman - although they do sort out things differently you have to be careful you don't just slip into cliche.
Also how they react should depend more on the individual- not their gender. A sensitive man will react differently to a situation
than a more morose or 'manly' guy.
Ed hit the nail on the head - the biggest issue is showing consistency not just throwing in something random because it
seems like a manly thing to do.

 

It takes a stronger man to cry openly.

 

I didn't read it that way. I think the reviewer was saying the character bugged him. Have you never read a character that bugged you? I don't think he was saying it was a rule so much as the character didn't work. You can have gender just right and still have a character that just doesn't work. The idea is then to articulate what it is about the character that bugs you, the reader.

It keeps being repeated here to just write the character, yadda yadda, but I have to wonder, are these forumites not recognizing these characters have all sorts of qualities and gender is one of them? You don't have to set out to write a male voice to have your male character naturally have male qualities because that's the character. I know it sounds circular but it's not.

Who is you character if gender doesn't matter one iota? I know that's not what people are saying, they are saying gender qualities overlap. No one has said that was not true.

In my story, gender is an important part of the characters. Gender and generational conflict come into the story, my tomboy hates dresses and want to climb cliffs. That's who she and the story has elements of social pressure to make her something she is not. She struggles with self esteem because of it. Yes, I'm writing the character as she is, but I also don't want everyone in the story to have the same voice. Giving the males male voices, when I want them to have male voices, is a skill I want to get right.

Exactly.

 

Yea it also takes HEAVY stress

 

The character bugged him because he cried. Twice. To me, it shows a personal bias that renders the critique that follows as useless. It's like saying he thought Atticus Finch was a lousy father because he didn't give Gem a whuppin' for defying him the night they wanted to lynch Tom Robinson.

An alternative view would be that he used the term "sissy" to be kind of anti-PC, against-the-grain cutting-edge. Which is equally useless. If someone can't critique rationally, don't waste my time.