Writing Queer Characters

For some people, who may have grown up believing they are alone in their orientation, it can be a great comfort to know that there's enough people like you out there that they made a special name for it.

One of my dearest friends grew up in rural Oklahoma in the 70's and 80's. He knew what being gay meant; but because all the representations of gay men he saw in media were slim, effeminate ones, he never felt like he was really gay and it caused a lot of emotional turmoil for him. When he left Oklahoma for NYC in his early 20's, he discovered the Bear community and it was like everything clicked into place for him. For him, finding that community and embracing the Bear label was a huge turning point for him.

 

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

In male gay culture, a bear is often a larger, hairier man who projects an image of rugged masculinity. Bears are one of many LGBT communities with events, codes, and a culture-specific identity. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bear_(gay_culture)

 

So, in the spirit this, I have to tell you that this chat with you, chatting about cars, talking about Marmite, remembering Bryan, has set into motion a little story in my head of a American and a Brit on a road trip across the American Southwest. One gay, one str8. They're on a mission to pick up what we call a "barn find" somewhere in Arizona or New Mexico. Marmite comes into play at some point.

The Bear Community is a direct response to the 90's A&F, circuit boy, gymrat expectation of the gay community. Imagine the "male gaze" trained onto other men, the expectations, the need to look and be a way that's next to impossible to attain. Bears say fuck that shit. Bears can be big and gruff and masculine in an adult, over 25 sort of way. It's a backlash to the superficiality that was seen consuming the gay community. You can be older, you can be bigger, you can be furry, and not worry about the withering inspection of young pretty boys upon entering the club.

 

Exactly. This was what kept my friend T from fully identifying as a gay man until he was 22 years old, even though he has never been sexually or romantically attracted to anything but men his entire life. He told me it was so confusing being this 6'4" barrel chested dude who had to shave twice a day, and that if he wasn't pretty and flamboyant it must have meant that he wasn't actually gay, just some kind of unnatural perversion. It reinforced everything his conservative parents were telling him when he brought up being attracted to other guys so it was a mess all around. Took him about a decade after leaving home to really feel comfortable in his skin.

 

Yeah, sadly the semantic shift of which you speak has happened here too. True barn finds are a thing of the past, hence this road trip, man! This car we're going to pick up is the quest! It's epic! And no, no Marmite in under the sheets fun. Blech! Also, you're safe with me as your road-trip buddy. That storyline is way too on the nose. Nah, man. We gotta' pick up some interesting characters along the way. A gal for you, a bloke for me... Oh, wait, this isn't about us. Totally not about us. Two other guys. Yeah.

 

Don't worry about being "offensive" just because you're straight. You don't need to actively avoid stereotypes because some people do happen to fit stereotypes. Write the story as you would if the MCs were straight, and then change the sexual orientation of the MCs. Treating minorities as though they need special care as to not be offended segregates them far more than the occasional portrayal that happens to fit the stereotype.

 

Hm. See, I was thinking more like a Thelma & Louise kind of thing, minus the sexual assault in the beginning. Also, we're two blokes.

It can be The Adventures of Luis (that's kinda' Spanish) and Rupert (because that's totally British).

 

Yes! OMG, this is totally forming in my head. José (Macs are so easy with accent marks) has a charming (annoying) habit of picking up on Rupert's Briticisms, but he never quite gets the context right. He says things like stonking well after their expiration date.

 

I think that anything and everything about a character is potentially relevant. It might not be obviously relevant to the story whether the character is male or female, but I know anyway. It may not be obviously relevant whether they're adult or child, but I still know. "People" are an incredibly complex bunch of characteristics.

Being heterosexual doesn't just affect who I go to bed with. For example, I tend to be attracted to men (adult men--they need to be at least thirty or more) who treat me with respect during intellectual discussions--leading to the fact that I've often had mild crushes on college professors and bosses. There was absolutely zero chance that I'd ever sleep with them, but that fact affected my behavior with them. It also means that when I recently chose a therapist for career issues, I only considered female therapists, because having a crush on a therapist would reduce my tendency to speak honestly about my flaws.

That's just one of thousands of possible interactions of sexual attraction and everyday interactions. People give bigger tips to waitpeople that they find attractive. They...well, my usual supply of analogies and examples is empty, probably due to insufficient caffeine, but my point is that your interactions with another person may be affected by an infinity of things, and the presence or lack of or nature of sexual attraction is one of those things.

 

That is about as bad as a character's husband, mocking her by mimicking her handwriting style. It is in an old short of mine.

 

I do think there is a point where someone who is straight would not be able to write a gay character, at least not with as well of an understanding as a gay person... Your work will never be credited as portraying an "authentic gay experience". This is the same reason I'm opposed to people without disability writing about a disabled experience (although this is vastly different from writing about a different sexuality). They wouldn't know, so how could they understand?

Sexuality is different since everybody experiences either it or the lack of it. And (@ OP) if you examine your feelings on it, maybe you'll find that you're queer as well? It's funny like that...

 

But José is cool with it because we Latinos are some sarcastic, snarky mo-fos in our own language. We're only polite when when we speak English. Rupert's affections are not lost on José, so.. ok, maybe there's a part where José lets the bromance get the better him and Rupert has to find a way to politely put things "str8" without causing any damage. Rupert, cheeky fucker, he's all heart underneath.

 

Imagine that you were specifically attracted to one--not necessarily in the sense of trying to court her, but in the sense of, "It's a shame she's married," would that not affect you at all? For example, imagine that a coworker made a big mistake. Would your response to the mistake be different for the woman that you're attracted to, versus a woman that you're not attracted to, versus a man that you're friendly with, versus a man that annoys you? In my case, my impulsive response would be different across an analogous four different situations. I would probably regulate my actions to be approximately the same (if I were the boss and not a colleague I absolutely would), but my impulse would not be the same.

 

"Authentic gay experience." Hah. As a gay dude, I can confidently say that there's nothing more to it than being attracted to the same sex. Every gay person is different, and the only common characteristic is sexual attraction. The denotation of that common characteristic is the purpose of the label.

 

I definitely tip attractive women more...

 

That's a wise policy. However, it's not going to be true of all fictional characters.

 

I was wondering the same thing, the other day. Thank you for asking this!