Ok, so like many my first attempt at writing a novel was basically the retelling of true events of my life. I found out on the second draft this was boring and not really creative as it was more being a journalist and just regurgitating what happened. My second draft I just went total weird on it and wrote extended allegories (I think). So I scrapped it. I am currently on a 3rd draft and basically I made it dealing with a past traumatic experience of getting divorced. I framed it in a particular horror trope (sorry not saying which one before it travels with the little piggy and hits market). So I again create allegories and etc. But as this is horror, the more traumatic the events the more gore and crazy shit I added to them. The worse it hurt, the more horrific that part is. So, I also have an idea of creating short stories related to the novel only in having the same themes but no shared characters or universes. I have an idea for a short story where basically this psychologist tells his patient to write multiple drafts of the story of his problem (say relationship to someone) but to fictionalize it. He is to make the new stories crazy and unrealistic so the patient cannot even remember the real trauma and how it happened. But what I realize writing my novel now is that when I think back to the real life events I endured, I have mixed in parts of my fiction into it, into my memories, even swapping the names of the woman in my novel with my ex-wife's. And I was like shit, I am doing exactly what I was talking about in that short story I planned. Anyone else ever do anything like this or am I slowly going insane (as my narrator is--- and what is that saying about me? Shit?)
Are all three "drafts" the same work, or have you in fact written three separate stories? Because it sounds as if you have. My suggestion is that if you really want to develop as a writer, you should try writing something that hasn't happened to you. You need to create, not regurgitate.
Everyone incorporates elements of their own life into their writing, from the very basic (the other day, I pointed out to someone that blood does not, in my recollection, feel "cold" on the skin, since it's pretty much the definition of "body temperature") to the very specific (I have intimate experience of depression, and so I have the ability to convey that for my characters very vividly--although, partly because of my experiences and partly because readers have such a difficult time with downer characters, I try to avoid characters who share those experiences with me). The real risk you run in fictionalizing your life is not, "Am I doing it too much?" but rather, "Am I doing it for the wrong reasons?" A lot of people write for therapy, and that's fine, but when someone writes for personal reasons (and not to improve as a writer or to get published, etc.) they often have very negative and even destructive experiences in an environment where others attempt to provide criticism. In other words, if what you want is to get your feelings out, you probably don't want someone telling you that your feelings need to be expressed more effectively, or that they simply don't work to create a sense of empathy with the character--or any of a million other criticisms that are effectively unrelated to your real purpose. Decide what you want. If you want to tell a good story--and if your experiences make for a good story--then, by all means, tell that story. If you want to work through some sort of trauma, then do that. But, in the latter case, consider keeping it to yourself, or sharing it in an environment where people aren't going to tell you that you're doing it wrong.
I'm doing it, but--and I hope this makes sense, because it's hard to explain without being face to face with someone-- while doing this I'm very clear with myself that the experience is the character's experience, not mine. The character has very different reactions than I would have, and I think that's the key to being able to step back and handle critique. After all, presumably I'm using my experience in the story to gain some objectivity for myself, or to exorcise it, or whatever, so that bit of distance between me and the experience is important for achieving my personal goal. Otherwise, I'd just write about it in my journal. ETA: I should add that my parents are no longer alive, and I stay well-distanced from the most toxic members of the family, to the point of never seeing them. So, that may be a consideration in what you're doing.
This 2nd book has been the same story. I am not regurgitating at all and basically nothing in it happened in real life. I am talking about writing out pain or stuff you are obsessed with. I think this really hit me that this is the stuff I want to do when I heard BEE admit after decades that American Psycho was him dealing with his relationship with his father. Yes, the narrator and myself both got divorced but the events in the story are made up and are way more interesting.....
I like your idea about rewriting your story but fictionalizing it, it does sound therapeutic as well as an interesting story idea.
