We all live in our imagination. Some let theirs be restricted to things you can bump into physically, others take flight and soar the skies of dreams. When someone tells you to come down, ask yourself whether this person just wants you to be as miserable as they are in their imaginary prison of cars, ties and mortgages.
I totally agree with quote. What is reality? It is different through everyones eyes right? Anyway back to the start of the thread, the idea you would take such advice from what can only in my view of reality be called a doofus is beyond me The person who gave such advice as to 'live in reality' is just manipulating and it is a form of bullying, this usually stems from petty jealousy. Keep writing, and hopefully when you make your JK Rowling millions, you can ask that same individual exactly whose reality they'd like to be living in now.
You need to stop living in a fantasy world and start living in reality Wether it's a friend(s), a parent(s), relative(s) or some random everyday di**head who said this to you, let it fly straight over your head. Easier said than done, maybe; I don't know who you are or what your situation in life is but those words can safely return back up the anus of whomever these words exited along with the rest of their shish, to put it bluntly. I was told this as a wee lad by a few when I had me beak stuck in a book nearly every passing minute. Now that Im a little older and don't have so much free time due to work and social commitments, I still make time to read and write even if it's only for a few minutes. When I first met my gf (now fiance ) I remembered being a little shy and a little embarrassed for some stupid reason to tell her I liked to write. I had no idea why i had these irrational feelings but there they were, like annoying gnats bugging the Christ out of me. Until she read a story of mine one day and said, "You've got a great imagination babe, you need to keep on writing!". No words could have been said better. I think, in a way, the reluctance to say I liked to write stemmed from the days where I was told as a wee lad to get my beak out of a book or in your case "Live in reality". So, in a way, I'll say the same to you now like my Gf said to me: Keep reading, keep writing and be yourself!. Do you enjoy or love to read and write?. If you do, like the rest of us, then you keep on reading whatever you want and write whatever you wish to no matter what anyone else may say. I can imagine the only piece of reading material this person has actually laid their eyes upon is a newspaper which is, ironically enough, largely fantasy. Or regards a book as a long magazine. Don't waste your time or energy on worrying about their comments. Unless your slapping someone to death with a foam sword whilst waiting in a busy queue at McDonalds or commute to work on a bicycle you've dressed up as a horse everyday, then be true to yourself and do what you want to do and bo**ocks to anyone else! As Sprirj said: "Keep writing, and hopefully when you make your JK Rowling millions, you can ask that same individual exactly whose reality they'd like to be living in now" be yourself and stay cool.
You always could always have told them, "Sorry I don't live in Plato's cave.." (hehe) I've been told stuff like this my whole life actually, never in a mean way though. That wasn't very encouraging if they just find out, but I don't know both sides of the story. Oh well, write your insults in the sand and compliments in marble
"You need to stop living in a fantasy world and start living in reality!" I've been told this but not in relation to writing. I've my own little happy bubble of sparkly pop music, glittery pink things, vodka and kittens~ okay, so it is my reality. Either that or the purring black ball of fluff on the arm of this chair is imaginary. To some extent I actually agree with this statement and I've even said it to a fellow writer recently. Some people get much too drawn into their fictional world, becoming so obsessed with it, that they can't even keep up with the real world around them. Too many writers (especially young writers who have trouble fitting in or think of themselves as "weird" or "different") fall into this stereotype and then get all offensive and antsy if you try to talk to them about it.
What sort of benighted fool would say this? This I would take as the most serious of offences. I prefer to live in my own reality, and it feels much better than what any of those accountants could ever imagine. F*** reality. Your mind is the reality. You are the creator of your own reality. You are the God of your own world. This is what it usually means being a writer. Those buffoons know no enjoyment greater than making love, and probably never will get any more authority over anything than their children.
I'm not going to play the hypocritical hippo and say that I've never said those lines before, because I have said them to my 28-year-old brother for racking up debt buying fake money just to be "rich" in his "fantasy world" via an MMORPG. But that's only because I was super-pissed that my parents had to pay off his friggin' bills, while he wastes away in his underpants pretending to be some kind of bow-toting female elf. With that said, I'm the type who hates a mob-lynching, so without the full story behind why that "someone" said what he/she said to the OP, you won't find me casting any stones. Besides, I've always found instances like that to be a perfect opportunity for telling a person about my writing. Sometimes people are just ignorant.
Yeah, but your brother was being tricked out of real money in a scheme to do just that. In the thread we're talking about people with aspirations to create things out of their fantasies or simply enjoy them, not be exploited. Stopping that is equivalent to crushing dreams for conventionalism.
People think it does. Probably because I've never had a lot of friends. Not because I avoid people, I'm actually very friendly and kind to everyone who will talk to me and encourage it, but I've always been weird. I struggle with loneliness a lot because people can't always relate to me or because they have no time for me. (At least that's what they tell me.) This didn't happen because of my writing though. It happened long before I ever began writing. I try to make friends on a regular basis, but since its harder to do so as an adult than a child, I have more time than other people to write and things. But at the same time, I don't think its any different than any kind of other entertainment. If someone is watching a television show, for instance, during those moments they are not living in reality. They are living through the TV show. I spend a lot less time doing certain entertaining things like that because I am too busy trying to write every day. Just because I create some of my entertainment, rather than watch all of it, doesn't mean I am unhealthy. Yep. Writing helps me express myself and the struggles I go through in life in a productive manner. In fact, sometimes I smile when I'm going through something horrible because I think that someday in some way, the thing I am going through is going to enhance one of my stories one day and then I feel like the whole suffering thing isnt a complete waste. Yea, the guy didn't really read that much. I've shared my writing with my boyfriend. (I usually don't talk about it or share it at all with other people. Its very personal to me. I just mention I am a writer if they ask, but don't go into the details.) And he's luckily been very approving of me and what I write. I'm always terrified of being judged. I'm fine with strangers reading my writing and even dragging it through the coals, but when someone I love and care about reads my writing, I get super anxious. And its funny that you guys keep on bringing up J.K. Rowling. She's my favorite author. I look up to her so much! Yep, they JUST found out, so they technically had no way of knowing how it affected my life. They hardly knew me at all. I don't think I'm that way, a lot because I keep the two separate. To most people I mention that I write, but very few actually even know what genre I write for, let alone what the current novel I am working on is about. I don't talk about it except on this forum. There's a difference though. Your brother is doing something unproductive. I'm trying to get published someday and make some money off of it. My hobby can actually have "real life" benefits to it that I get a pay off for later.
when people say stuff like that, they are truly looking out for you. People who constantly live in fantasies are most proven to have a less social standing, less self-esteem, to go out in the world and do things. It's great that you come home to write about your fantasy, but there are people who care about you and want you to enjoy life while your still in it.
Actually, if you knew me, you'd know that I constantly put myself out there and always have my entire life. I could write books about this subject and I know a lot more than the average person. Usually when therapists try to talk to me about it, I interrupt them and tell them all the things they were going to say before they say it. Because I already know. When I was in preschool and elementary school, I literally had no friends, but that didn't stop me from walking around, trying to join people who were playing in games and asking to join people in their games, even when they threw stuff at me, which they did. I'm a very friendly person. I have always been that way and always will be, but because I am nerdy and strange-ish, a lot of people look down on me and/or make fun of me anyway. Or find me boring and don't want to bother. It's just always been that way and always will be. You're making a lot of assumptions and stereotypes about writers. I revolve my writing around my social life, not the other way around. Everyone is able to find regular time to do their hobbies and so do I. This is my main hobby, so I sacrifice other hobbies (television, video games, etc.) if I need to in order to do this one. Regardless of whether I wrote or not, I'd still have the same amount of friends, too. It only is interferring if it actually affects how many friends you have. I started writing regularly a few years ago and I have the same social life now as I did back then. They aren't truly looking out for me. They are being self-righteous. It happens whenever I choose a hobby or a job. I love Harry Potter and my parents are Christians who think its evil. They feel the same about D&D and a lot of the video games I've played. I wanted to be a Pastor for awhile and all the Christians told me that women can't be pastors and its against the Bible, even when I was able to quote scripture better and find it faster than my own male pastor could. It's just everyone thinks they know how you should live your life better than you do, even if they don't know you that well. If this guy had been my best friend, then sure, it would make sense, but I've talked to him twice and he was already saying this to me when I was trying to socialize and talk to him and make friends. LOL. Irony.
This post applies to katica, Allegro Van Kiddo, and any other members who may have misunderstood my earlier post: Of course there's a difference between writing to get published and my irresponsible brother. That's why I pointed out that difference by starting off saying, "With that said..." I was merely pointing out that I have used those words before, so I see the situation differently: The person may have just been venting to the wrong person, or could have, in their own mind, felt justified in saying that somehow. If it's any consolation, please just ignore everything but this: As this is how I truly feel about situations like yours.
"Too much" of anything is problematic. The problem is when someone takes it upon themselves to define "too much" as "more than I personally understand or see a reason for". Which is almost always the case when someone is making a vague statement like "you need to stop spending so much time doing X and start living in reality" without anything more specific. If there really were a problem (i.e. something serious that is genuinely being neglected, such as with Still_Life's brother), that would be addressed directly. My thinking about quality writing in fantasy, science fiction, supernatural, and other speculative genres is summed up by the lyric in my sig: "A story told, that can't be real, yet somehow must reflect the truth we feel". Fantasy IS about real life. Just looked at from a different perspective.
I found this to be very interesting. To offer a counterpoint; people with weight problems are usually experts on weight loss. Suffice it to say, I know this from personal experience. I also found it interesting that you point out that therapists try to talk to you about the subject. Why are you in therapy and in a position where such a subject comes up? Understand that after the (very unexpected) loss of my spouse, that I have been in therapy for about two years. You speak of being an expert or that you already know. To give further context, in the two years I've been in therapy, my therapist has pointed out that my instincts are very good regarding psychological issues. So much so, she said I should very much consider being a therapist. If my current job was as good as it was, I'd consider. Yet I am still fat and still need to go to therapy. I have no idea how you are in within the context of your own world. I could never make a judgement with any level of certainty as to guess if you were a social butterfly or a social introvert. Your words here seem to make you want to defend something I just don't know if it seems true. In the end, it doesn't matter what you are if the result is you are happy. That is to say; truly happy in the deepest of yourself. However, if the subject gives you anxiety and makes you go on the defense, you may want to re-consider what you tell yourself within your inner dialogue. It doesn't matter what I or anyone else says, are you happy? You don't need to answer that except truthfully to yourself and then act accordingly.
Nobody has told me this, although I certainly get vibes that my dad thinks it. But writing fantasy isn't harmful as long as it's not escapism, too much of that could be harmful.
I think this is a snide remark a put down. People that truly have your best interests at heart - would put it more tactfully imo. It is better to spend X amount of hours per day writing (or doing something creative) that it would be to spend that same number of hour stuck in front of the 'goggle box'. If you have both feet firmly on the ground then ignore the 'Job's comforters' of this world. I know a drama lecturer that once told me her students (budding actors) said when asked what they were studying, because of all the negative comments and snide remarks they received, they were reluctant to answer this Q. She told them to say that they were studying Shakespeare. Which to a point was technically true. When they did this people were either in awe or stumped by the answer.
Can't say I've been told this by anyone -- I'm a bit of a recluse and reveal only tidbits of what I like to do in my free time. But, to chime in with what most people in this thread have written, those who employ this remark are either envious of your creativity, or simply surly jerks. Or they might have your best interest at heart, but have a problem expressing themselves politely.
I knew someone was going to point out the defensive thing. Yes, I am defensive. As I already said, every time I choose any sort of career path (and I'm not even choosing this exclusively, I'm also working towards being a hairstylist), people criticize me for it. Every. Single. Time. You get tired of it when it happens repetitively. Not people I know, most of the time, but people who have just met me. And whenever I choose hobbies as well, I get criticized for those, too. If all these people have my best interests at heart, then what would be the most healthy for me to do would be nothing. Have no hobbies, no interests, no career goals. Just stare at the wall and watch paint dry. I get defensive because I get tired of near strangers asking me questions about my life that I didn't even necessarily feel comfortable revealing already and then telling me afterwards how to fix myself as if they know better than me what I should do. And to put it in context, most new people I meet are very religious and if you don't think those kind of people are full of self-righteous individuals then you are delusional. I agree. I've always been reluctant to tell people what my career aspirations are because I have yet to choose a career that people don't criticize me over.
I have decided that people say these things because: - they want to do the thing you do but can't so they have to make you feel bad / guilty / stupid / less than to make themselves feel better - they don't understand why you get enjoyment out of creating something so they criticize to make themselves feel better - they feel they have to have something to say about all that is said to make themselves feel better So...I guess it's all about them and not about you. Good thing you know better!
Well... depending on when, where and how it was said, it could just have been some misguided advice. (I say misguided, because I don't think it's useful to tell people to "live in reality", as if reading the newspaper instead of Harry Potter would make any difference. It makes more sense to tell people they have to deal with their problems, if needed.)
Eh, everyone needs a place they can go to escape all the little annoyances and distractions of life... sometimes I need writing so I can stop distorting my reality with tons of negativity. Granted, it's probably better to have some kind of divide between what's "writing only" kind of stuff and what's real life stuff. I might've lost a friendship - still not sure yet - because the person is convinced that if a relationship's not that perfect, best friends forever, movie kind of friendship it's not worth spending time on.
look guys, calling other people's life inadequate and assuming everything being a criticism based on their own inability... won't make your life any better. Seriously, be nice to everybody else and they will be nice to you. Do what you want, but be open minded to ideas. Stubborness will only ever keep you where you are.
