I agree. Two ways I can think of to counter it would be either to ignore it, or to dismantle the argument using superb rhetoric. Anybody who writes fiction is in a fantasy world (i.e. one only existing in his imagination) when writing, it doesn't matter what exactly is being written. Whether this is an unhealthy obsession or a suitable outlet for creative productivity is pretty much down to the individual situation. As for criticism for choices of hobbies and professions - katica - ask yourself this, and only this: are you sure you know what you want? If yes, you're in no trouble. If, on the other hand, you feel you are simply stumbling around in the dark, doing whatever crosses your path, have a deep think about what you really want. If you know what is your path, ignore anybody who makes derogatory remarks about what you are doing. If they really have a valid point, listen and think about it, but it seems as if you are confronted mostly with people saying "you write fiction? uggh!" There's no point in wasting brain power to even process such a ridiculous statement.
The key to what I was saying was not specifically point out anything regarding 'defensive' but to use that point to state what I'd said below (blue): "In the end, it doesn't matter what you are if the result is you are happy. That is to say; truly happy in the deepest of yourself. However, if the subject gives you anxiety and makes you go on the defense, you may want to re-consider what you tell yourself within your inner dialogue. It doesn't matter what I or anyone else says, are you happy? You don't need to answer that except truthfully to yourself and then act accordingly." It's about being true to yourself. If you feel you are, then no need to defend. It's the key to life. Doing what makes you happy irrespective of what others are thinking. It's not like what you do will harm anyone. If such is the case, then you have more of life licked than those around you. This is a good thing if true. Everyone will be critical of your decisions in one way or another but you get one life to enjoy so do it your way. Then you shouldn't have posted your problem on the internet. ...and you don't like how others treat you? Consider what you've said in this thread about how people deal with you and specifically what you don't like. Read the above judgement you made. You are no different than those you denigrate if you make the same kind of judgement they do.
Except I don't go around and judge religious people automatically and tell them that they need to stop being religious. In fact, I love religion. I've been religious a lot of my life and whether its real or not, its comforting to believe in something and I encourage it because it improves your mental health, but the fact is . . . . . most of them are very judgmental. I go to a religious college and I have to hide certain aspects of myself while I am there because I'll get kicked out if I don't. And I'm not a bad person, but if they knew I lived with my boyfriend, have sex with him, and write about necromancers, I'd be kicked out of the school. But I don't hate any of them for it. I actually love the people in my school, I just want them to leave me alone and not judge everything that I do. The difference is that I don't feel superior to them in any way or feel like they should stop being religious and I've never told them to stop, but it's normal to want people to not criticize me all the time. And that strangers comment you took out of context. I wasn't talking about people online when I said that comment. And being defensive doesn't automatically mean I am wrong and doing the wrong thing. My parents like to use that argument about me living with my boyfriend. If I didn't agree that deep down it was a sin, then why do I argue with them when they criticize me about it? Because I am defending myself. That's what being defensive is, quick to defend yourself and maybe I do it now because I don't want to readily accept people's criticisms and say I am a person too who is proud of their decisions. Maybe I don't want to just nod my head and say yes to everything people tell me to do and everything people say is wrong with me. It's ridiculous to me when people use the fact that I don't automatically agree with them to mean that I am obviously in the wrong.
I can't help but agree to this statement. Katica, in defending yourself, you've done nothing but degrade others in order to pluck your head above them. With an attitude like that, I wouldn't be surprised people feel the need to criticize you. You're not mixing in from the basic human level. Looking at what you say, it seems more that people don't hate what you do. What they hate is primarily your attitude. You seem so self-righteous and proud that you're mind is landlocked like a 50's communist China. Talking with you online, this REALLY shows. Stubbornness won't get you anywhere
Except I never tell anyone how to live their life. I'm not telling anyone now and I'm still not telling anyone in this thread or elsewhere how to live. I'm just saying that I don't want people to criticize me a whole lot. Literally, the conversation I had in person went like this: What are your hobbies? I listed several things along with writing. Then they asked me to talk about my writing and so I told them I write about necromancers. They didn't know what a necromancer was so I explained it to them. They said, you write about death magic? Death is creepy. And I said I guess. And then they told me to stop living in a fantasy world and start living in reality. And then I tuned out everything else he said and ended the conversation and walked away. I don't know how I was degrading others there and also . . . . if you are upset because I disagreed with people in this thread and think that's degrading others, then you did the same. If its because I said religious people are more likely to be self-righteous while at the same time talking about how wonderful religion can be and how they shouldn't stop being religious then . . . okay, weird. I literally haven't attacked anyone in this thread. I've just been defending myself. I've had a few people agree that I probably do have problems and now two people say I am judgemental and stubborn, but I haven't been calling any of you names. I'm not mad, I'm just pointing this out.
If that's how the conversation went, then I'M PRETTY SURE he meant it as an ironic joke. Was that a guy? Most guys make a cynical joke like that from time to time just to tease.
I know when someone's joking. He wasn't joking when he said it. My boyfriend makes jokes whenever I get insecure about things to make me laugh. It wasn't the same thing. He didn't smile or laugh about it. The person said it in an extremely serious tone of voice. Like they were concerned and wanted to help me. Before I totally tuned him out he was telling me about how he could help me make friends and things. The reason I mentioned the religious thing is I think its why these people are so judgmental. They are religious, but I don't think all or even the majority of religious people are judgmental. It could definitely be something just in my area. EDIT: And to give you a perspective about how these people are, one time I made everyone stop what they were doing in class and gasp out loud because I took God's name in vain without thinking about it.
man... where do you have to live to meet people like that? I'd lived in 3 countries and never been in much a hostile territory as yours. Sometimes you need to consider it's you and not the environment. There is a difference between acting up for yourself. Then there are times you're simply reacting to the environment. The former is good thing to have, the latter, you need to choose your time.
I live in the mountains and that's all I'll say. Literally mountains, several thousands of feet up and no shopping malls unless I drive for 45 minutes away from here. I can't tell if your first sentence is inquisitive or critical though. If you are saying that people like this must not exist because you've never met them or if you are just asking where I live because this information is surprising and interesting to you. I can't hear your tone of voice. If its surprise (because you didn't know before) or disagreement. And to your last statement . . . . . okay? That's generally good advice, but I've considered it and I don't think that's the problem this time. EDIT: I don't know what you mean by the last thing you said . . . .
Sometimes a fantasy world captivates me so much, I can barely focus on reality, at least for a little while. I like to delve into it and explore its idea. I think this level of imagination ultimately makes me a better writer, and often I use these ideas for stories.
Q. What right has anyone to tell someone else that, they need to stop living in a fantasy world and start living in reality? A. None whatsoever. It is a arrogant, uncaring, belittling and ignorant remark to make. And if was meant as a joke, then it was in extreme bad taste - and I can't see anything funny to be said for it.
