Components: 1 schizophrenic teenage (15/16) girl (Carter), told to stay in the car, which is parked in the woods while 1 teenage (16/17) boy (girl's best friend named Jesse) goes and gets unnamed "something" from 1 secluded cabin, in the woods, off some main road in some unnamed place Carter gets out of the car and goes to the cabin, walks inside and scares the crap out of Jesse, who is standing in a doorway in such a way that it might hide something. My "plan": Carter either 1) finds something when shes at the cabin with jesse or 2) suspects something and goes back to try to find it later. pretty much, Carter is going to find something in one way or another My question to you: what should that SOMETHING be? Any ideas? It needs to be something semi-large (figuratively more then literally). And this is going to be a short story so it can't be something long and drawn out that would take me 500 million pages to explain. I'm open to most ideas, but I'm not good at writing sci-fi or fantasy, so I think I should stay away from aliens, alternative universes, ect. Also: should she find whatever it is right away, when Jesse is there too, or later on when she goes back by herself. Hope you guys can help
I had no idea what needs to be found but option number 2 adds more dramatic tension in so far as build up.
That's really something you have to answer yourself - to make it important to the characters, it has to mean something to them, and you're the only one who knows the characters. Perhaps, though, it's quite an ordinary thing, but because Carter is schitzophrenic, she seems something else, and gets quite scared/worked up/paranoid about it. It could be anything, but something hyperbole, unlikely, and probably quite disturbing. Then either leave it ambiguous if she actually saw it right, or reveal at the end it was nothing?
After a brief thought, I'm thinking a wax statue of Jesse with a dagger between its "ribs". Granted, this slaps a horror label onto the story, but you never mentioned what flavor you preferred. Carter's hallucinations become real...
Don't make it nothing -- I hate the "she was really just crazy" endings, they're almost as bad as "it was all a dream." What if there's evidence that Jesse is a murderer and Carter has to escape from him? The thing in the cabin, I wouldn't make it a dead body -- something more ambiguous and disturbing, like something ritualistic. Idk, maybe Jesse isn't a murderer, but he's still involved in something really dark (cult?)
In my opinion, the idea looks good, and you should start writing about it to see how the concept stands. As a writer, your job is to make it well-written. If you have a story idea, start writing your first draft already, or write a design document of the ideas, and then include characters in the story that will help fufill the plot. Like Cogito stated, you don't have to ask us what ideas to include until you write it out and post it in the review room once you are finished. Then, the readers would be happy to fix things up alone the way. Then, once you write all those ideas down, your mind will gradually figure out the rest of the story and it will tell you rather something is not right or not. It worked for me when I was having a hard time filling up story fragments.
Rules in horror/thriller books/movies. 1; teen female once told to stay in the car, is guaranteed not to stay in the car. a.when couple or group split up, someone or all will not make it back. 2.teen male entering a cabin in the woods alone, will not make it back to the car alive. 3.teen couple in secluded woods, will: a.start some sexual activity and thus: b. attract every crazy homicidal maniac within 100 miles. c. will have car trouble. d. teens will after above, begin finding body parts of previous teens that went into the woods. oh, yea, can't forget that stupid cat waiting for someone to open the door so it can jump out and screech at the opener for no reason. So as long as you break most of the above rules, you could stay away from cliche. With this set up, I think you will really need to work the story to be unique. I hate the "she was crazy" only dreaming ending, but also hate the everyone ignores everything that happens, believing the MC is crazy, thus nothing is true, even if clearly obvious to any normal person that something happened.
Right off the top of my head: An envelope containing dozens of photos of herself, that she never knew existed. A silvery knife, engraved with strange looking symbols. A briefcase filled with a large amount of cash. A bone, wrapped in bloody cloth. A stereotypical dusty old book. The cell phone of a missing person. An oily rag wrapped around a .38 revolver (from the smell of burnt gun powder, it has been fired recently). A ratty, tattered paperback copy of "Gone with the wind", with what appears to be a book mark made from....tanned, human skin? A musty old cigar box that holds a seventy three year old passport, an envelope with 600 British Pounds and a glass eye. A vintage civil war army issue saber, over a century and a half old, with what appears to be dried blood on the blade. What appear's to be Jesse's secret stash of "JUGGS" magazines and a half jar of vaseline. A box wrapped in brown paper, with something "heavy" inside. The corpse of a dead reptile, that strangely defies all known types or reptiles known to exist? A nude midget, wearing a black leather mask, hiding in a cupboard. He attacks with surprise, wielding a knife and speaks with a heavy Portuguese accent. What? Like you haven't encountered one of these at least ONCE in your life???
@Lothgar, lol i nearly cried I laughed so hard! Id go with the portuguese midget everytime myself... But if not may thoughts would be that he is hiding another person inside, perhaps a deranged killer who has made Jesse his new protege and your lesson number 1.
D: NOW I FEEL SUPER BAD! All of these people put time into this and I didn't even end up using this!! I'M SO SORRY THAT I WASTED YOU TIME D: Maybe someone else writing something like this could use this? Maybe? So that these awesome ideas don't go to waste?! I feel sooooo bad I'm so sorry Instead (just incase your interested) she goes to cabin, Jesse sends her back to car, she goes because she does whatever Jesse tells her, Jesse is hiding something behind the door. Something = bomb. Jesse is a mechanic so he thinks he might defuse bomb, can't, notices, runs screaming, both make it out alive, finds out something insane as to why a cabin in the middle of nowhere might blow up (which is where I am now stuck). Add in some pretty words and a schizo talking to yourself and you get my story line.
