A dose of terrible writing...

What do you mean "emotional imagery"? You have a lot of action and dialogue, but no description.

It might be the lack of context, but to be honest, the girl's reactions are so extreme that they're not believable. (Plus the fact that she's lying on the floor wailing and nobody seems to notice....)

It's a little dry. There's a lot of summarizing here, for example --

If he's just saying, "She has serious emotional disturbance, post traumatic stress disorder, and panic disorder," then why not show him saying that? Even better, introduce some context for Sayuri's breakdown (since remember, we readers have no idea what is going on) like, "He told her about the time when the siblings were held hostage by a serial killer for nine days." (...Or whatever the actual story is, you get the idea.)

To me, it's less like "there's no imagery" and more like "there's no context." It's like the characters exist in a void, with no one and nothing else around. I remember reading an article on description that probably talks about it better than I do, so I'll give you a link. (When I was having trouble, I just Googled "writing setting description" and found a few good things.)

This blog post talks about how to spread out description rather than putting it in a big lump. I know that's not your problem, but reading it might give you ideas where to drop in bits of description.

This page has a few more tips on description that I found to be helpful.

...I know I rambled on quite a bit, so sorry! I hope it's helpful, at least. Good luck!

Hello Kimi-Chan,
First of all, that definitely WAS worth my time! Earlier tonight, before reading this, I also read two different drafts you have of your first chapter, one on here and one on tumblr if I'm not mistaken, and I'm very intrigued by this story. The idea of someone (or more than one person) being raised in such a terrible way and then finally getting to experience something wonderful they've always longed for - whether it be romantic love or a real Christmas with a loving adoptive family - hits close to home for me. Maybe it's because I had a rough childhood and am still reeling emotionally from it, but to me, your story has so much potential to convey hope, love, and acceptance, while still showing the darker side of life. I really hope you continue working on this story.

Secondly, you said, " I notice when I write, I add a lot of emotional imagery yet I always fall at writing imagery that involves scenery. I wonder... if that's a bad thing... " I'm going to come straight out and tell you, no, it's not a bad thing! Most people just imagine what they want anyways, and whatever details you don't write, they will have no problem conjuring in their head, as I did while reading Emotional imagery is so much more powerful than anything else you can write. Sure, it's nice to imagine a pretty girl's long flowing hair or to marvel at a sunset, but to feel the loneliness, sadness, longing, and luckily, hope, that Sayuri feels throughout your story is going to stick with your potential readers much more than how well you can describe how something looks. Of everything I've read in my entire life - and I'm sure this is true for most people, writers or not - the thing I remember most from ANY book is how it made me feel. Most people have a hard time writing about other people's emotions, where you clearly have a talent. I say take it and run with it. You have at least one fan.
Hopefully not the last I'll hear about Sayuri and Sasuke,
~Junebug~