Exercise in futility?

By Madman · Jun 1, 2023 · 535 · 4
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  1. "When the mind is dumb, the body suffers," said my janitor co-worker to me in Swedish. That is true.

    Some years ago, I studided English at a university. I had decent grades and an excellent vocabulary. I only survived a few months before a mental illness took over. Nowadays it feels like my prime is gone. Like when I am trying to learn new things I can not do it. Getting new knowledge is like punching my meaty fists against a concrete wall.

    I feel stupid. I feel as though it is very hard to learn and adapt to new writing rules. Research might as well be that concrete wall.

    Perhaps my goals are unrealistic compared to my abilities? I want to be a successful storyteller with an audience.

    Mind you, I am a stubborn bastard, so I will never give up writing. But sometimes it feels like an exercise in futility. But then again, I feel like I would be wasting my life if I did something more my level. I also have other plans than writing, I want to create an organisation that heals minds, I want to create a clothing brand, and I want to bring on a new renaissance. Small plans, I know.

    Perhaps I am wasting my life at this attempt at success, but so what? People die every second for stupid reasons all over the world. Why can't I spend my life at something as futile as trying to become a good storyteller? Why should I do things more my level, even if that might be better for me and my body?

    Nah, my mind is dumb, and my body can take it, for now.
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  1. ps102
    Like every hard activity in the world, learning has a method to it, and that method differs per person. Some people are good at absorbing information out of textbooks, some people are good at absorbing information being communicated verbally, and then there's also the people who are good at learning through interaction and experience. That's known as hands-on learning.

    Examining your learning methods might be worth considering. If you did well in university but you aren't doing so well now, something changed. It might be your method, or it might be your environment. Or it might be something more internal.

    I can sympathize with you and I feel your pain. I often study but then I forget the contents of what I studied just hours later. I had this problem for the longest time, and then I realized that I was a hands-on learner. To really absorb information, I have to take a theoretical concept and apply it in the real world with an exercise. If I do this, I have a much better chance at learning. Simply reading though? No. That doesn't work. And it's not just me. It's many others.

    I remember trying to memorize a list of literary devices for an English class. No matter how many times I looked at it, no matter how many times I read it, I could not memorize it. The contents would slip from my mind as quickly as I read them. But when the English course was over and I took up writing in my own personal time, I used that very same list to try and apply some devices in my own pieces of writing. Before I knew it, I had learned every device without much effort. But I wasn't shocked. Some deeper part of me knew.

    Just sharing that experience in hopes that it is valuable to you. Best of luck with your writing.
    ps102, Jun 1, 2023
      Louanne Learning and Madman like this.
    1. Madman
      Good advice, thank you.

      Exploring what method works for each person might also have the added benefit of learning more about yourself and how you work. These things may change with time as well, so life is a never-ending cycle of re-evaluation and exploration.
      Madman, Jun 1, 2023
      ps102 likes this.
  2. Not the Territory
    Isn't that a classic dilemma? Succeed at likely goals or fail at unlikely ones.

    If you're dumb, well that's good, because all writers are kind of dumb to be honest.
    Not the Territory, Jun 2, 2023
      ps102 and Madman like this.
  3. Louanne Learning
    Writing is never futile. It is never pointless. It is never useless. Writing is about expressing yourself. And if you have expressed yourself, then the exercise was a success!
    Louanne Learning, Jun 4, 2023
      ps102 and Madman like this.
  4. GrahamLewis
    You have just succeeded in writing a cogent and compelling piece. You are now a good storyteller; and you have likely been one all along.
    GrahamLewis, Jun 10, 2023
      Madman and Louanne Learning like this.
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